Shall we have a thread for jokes?


9

The idea is to have a thread we can go to for laughs during the day...a reminder sort of to 'take it easy'🙃

Go on, post a joke, make someone laugh or crack yourself up!Β 

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14

Me cracking myself up:

If you want to change the world, do it while you’re single.
Once you’re married, you can’t even change the television channel.

Β 

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9

What do you call the security guards outside Samsung shops?

Guardians of the galaxy!

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8

After Monday and Tuesday even the calendar says W.T.F

🤣🤣🤣

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7

Me cracking myself up again!

A man and his smart aleck child went camping
They set up their tent, and after a long day, they prepared to go to bed

As they lay down on their sleeping bag, the father asked his son: β€œWhat do you see?”

The son replied: β€œI see the big dipper that consists of the seven stars of the Ursa Major, I see the constellation of Cancer, which brightest star is Altarf, I see...”

The father, having enough of his son, slaps him.

β€œDon’t you see, someone stole our godamn tent!”

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7

Sure! But what about the needle??? Don't we need one?

🤣

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7

What do you call a priest that becomes a lawyer?Β 

A Father-in-law🤪

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7

Mulla Nasruddin’s friend greeted him at his birthday party. He asked Mulla, β€œHow old are you now?” 

Mulla replied, β€œI’m forty.”

β€œBut you said the same thing three years ago, Mulla!”

β€œYes, my friend, I always stand by what I have said.”

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6

What did the remote control say to the TV?

"If it weren't for the wife of the house, we'd never talk so much!;))"

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6

Though I enjoy the sport, I could never date a tennis player. Love means nothing to them.

β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”-

Never criticize someone until you have walked a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you'll be a mile away, and you'll have their shoes.

β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”-

They all laughed when I said I wanted to be a comedian. Well, they're not laughing now!

β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”

I was wondering why the ball was getting bigger, then it hit me.

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6

Father: "And why do you think it is necessary to be quiet in church?"
Son: "Because other people are sleeping."

Β 

I like to watch my wedding video running backwards so I can watch myself walk out of the church a freeΒ man.

Β 

A man goes to see a wizard and says, "Can you lift a curse that a priest put on me years ago?"
"Maybe," says the wizard, "Can remember the exact words of the curse?" The man replies, "I pronounce you man and wife."

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6

Note: Copied:-Β  " Hidden "

Β 

Me:Β  Β I have many hidden talentsΒ  😎Β 

Wife:Β  Like what? 😯Β 

Me:Β  I don't know, They're all hidden. 😋Β 

Β 

cheers.Β 

Keerthi

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6

A man had twin daughters. He named one of them Kate.
As for the second one…he named her DupliKate.

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5

I threw a boomerang a few years ago. Now I live in constant fear !

β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”-

A man goes into a pet shop to buy a parrot. The shop owner points to three identical-looking parrots on a perch and says, "The parrot on the left costs $500 dollars."

"Why does the parrot cost so much?" asks the man.Β The owner says "Well the parrot knows how to use a computer."

The man then asks about the next parrot and learns that it costs $1,000 dollars because it can do everything the first parrot can do plus it knows how to use the UNIX operating system.

Naturally, the increasingly startled man asks about the third parrot, only to be told that it costs $2,000 dollars.

Needless to say this begs the question, "What can it do?"

To which the owner replies,

"To be honest I have never seen it do anything but the other two call him boss!"

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4

Spirituality is all fun and games until someone loses an I.Β 

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