Need help with teenage daughter



My 13 year old daughter is very good at studies but she is a bit shy and introvert from an early age.Since we believe academic merits alone are not enough these days,we admitted her in a boarding school two years ago,that promises to focus on holistic and overall development in a child .Though the school offers a wide array of extracurricular activities,she doesn’t take part in any of them.The teachers there don’t push children for anything beyond a certain point,so she is happy in her cocoon.She is at home now on winter break.I was planning to register her for Swamiji’s Youth Transformation Course during this vacation.Yesterday I suggested about it and she curtly rejected.I badly want to do something to rise her confidence level but she is not open to anything.Her teachers also feel she needs to be more outgoing though they are happy for her academic achievements.I am at a blank spot now.Dear all,please give me some suggestions.🙏

12 Answers

My main question is: Does she seem happy and content and is she chatty at home or do you feel something is stopping her from socialising and being more outgoing? I’d be happy to get in touch with her and see if I can help but only if she is open to it.

Otherwise, I’d suggest you observe her at home and see what she likes doing. Then try to find activities centered around her interests. Does she have friends? Then you can encourage her to do things with them instead of other things. 

If she is an introvert but she is happy and fine there is no need to turn her into an extrovert, that’s just the way she is, I feel. But we need to find out on a deeper level.


Dear Reshma,

We live in a funny world! If we are extroverted, someone wants us to be introverted! if we are introverted, there’s someone who wants us to be extroverted! Someone or the other will always want us to to be the opposite of who or what we are! So we are eternally split into personalities. One- our true nature wanting to be exactly how we are and two- what the people around us think or expect us to be! 
I’ll try to curb my desire to say why the … and just say why?! But why?! 

Why can’t we let ourselves be who we want to be and allow others to be who and how they want to be? Why be a source of division in someone’s personality?! Why?! But why?! 

I have no answers for you Reshma, I only have two questions for you:

1. Why?!!

2. But, why?!!

Love is acceptance, my sweet Reshma! Accept yourself absolutely the way you are and allow others to be exactly how they want to be! 

You could try to read the book “Siddhartha” by Herman Hesse. It will open you up to accept life’s wisdom as the greatest teacher. Our puny minds and its intervention are a big joke! 

I love you…truly!


Reshmaji - I am myself blank on this and have few similar questions for my daughter she is also 13 teen.

But hope you have read book "Children of Tomorrow".

Instead of what you want her to do please ask her what she wants to do and let time go by, she herself will open up. I am not sure if boarding school is a better option. Parents spending maximum possible time with kids helps

I believe Sushree Diya ji or Sadhviji Vrinda Om ji or Sadhvi Nishtha Om are the ones who can answer this one. Sadhviji's have been conducting regular courses for the kids.


I was also like her in my teens, and it worked out terribly. I was also bullied many times , and couldnt really feel emotions.

I think starting her with a sadhana step by step for a small but potent mantra would be okay. (Including the panchopchar ,nyas)

But do it gently. Like 5 min on app or whatever. 

And even doing daily charity like keeping aside 1 chapaatii for cows , birds and dogs.

Because a closed heart can never feel and express. We might never know the true self of such a person, because they dont act with their heart.

So teach her all things that grant inner strength. 


इतनी प्यारी बच्ची है आपकी ❤❤❤❤❤ You have written all her good points. She is gem of a person. Let her bloom in her own sweet way, at her own pace. God bless 🥰🥰🥰


Become naive before her . Take advice from her on day to day life .Usually the shyness is found in the kids of snow plow  parents .if parents are over protective about their kids shyness is common in kids.

try to inculcate the initiative attribute in your kid.

start from your home …

your daughter must be in class 7 or 8 …

you might consider it a joke but cooking is the easiest way to overcome shyness.

your kid needs appreciation … a shy kid is afraid of failures or judgement .

be a friend of your kid and don’t desire too much from her . 


First of relax and have your cup of chai for a moment. Avoid  making her feel that you're overly concerned about her introverted nature. You can try going out with her. Initiate conversations with her about what she feels about staying in or in her comfort zone. Let her open up to you. I was a very very socially anxious kid till the age of 18. I thought I was shy but I had social anxiety and I never took part in any extracurricular activities and would never leave my comfort zone. Consequences? I joined the architecture school and had to socialize as it was very important and required. I had no option. At first, my legs would shake and I would cry but now I enjoy talking to others because I realised that it's not scary. I would keep repeating myself o I'm introverted I'm shy I'm under confident I'm not good at this, I have social anxiety, and I hate this. But since I have changed my vocabulary...I tell myself I'm strong...i like talking to people, i enjoy traveling. And trust me i learned it through experiences while growing up. No one could have taught me this or convinced me to do the things i do now when i was 16.

God bless you and your daughter ❤️



Dear Reshma,

My daughter was an introvert too at that age.

I was worried like you. Now she has completed her post-graduation and having a promising career. 

I feel you can relax a little more at this point. If you are anxious it can rub on her too. 😊


Firstly I think all parents do want what’s best for their child according to their understanding. 
So kudos on thinking and caring about your child. Your child loves you and is lucky to have a caring mother.

Children that age want space to expand, acceptance from their peers and family so that they can expand their confidence, lots of loving acceptance - acceptance is the theme here😅

For ex

if she refuses to come out and say hello to a guest, defend her in front of your guest and stand by her side. Then talk to her gently and let her tell you what’s on her mind. Even if you don’t agree tell her ok lovingly and give her a hug.

apply this for all scenarios again and again. 

love is the only thing that can change anyone truly. All other ways to change a person is temporary and brings them grief. This lesson is thanks to Swamiji. He changes people with love and acceptance 😍


Dear Reshma,

my little one , is somewhat like yours too, and, I think for the longest time Ive struggled with how to make him more outspoken as well. The only insight I can offer- from my bit of learning is that to just let them be- perhaps its just a personality type ( which itself will evolve ) and its best to let the child figure what works for best for her. Keep talking, communicating, understanding what she likes, dislike and work with that. We often have perceptions of this is how things and people should be...this is what is being demanded of the future...but you know what, the world is changing so fast, what may seem appropriate to this day and age...perhaps will change in matter of a few years. And most important don't get into the introvert/ extrovert stuff...we all are everything and nothing as adults...and the child is just on her journey to figuring out her unique responses- just trust that and let her be. :). You are doing such a good job as a that the fruit will be as sweet as your labours. ❤️❤️❤️😊🙏🏼


Jai Sri Hari. Being an introvert in this crazy world is actually a massive strength. Here is a short video by Susan Cain that talks about it. Please don't force her to do anything. As long as she is studying well and is a polite child, that's enough. That way when she truly feels the need to develop a different part of her personality, she will open up to you and seek help.


Hello Reshma ji, I'm 8 years older than your daughter and I'm an introvert as well. I don't like talking to new people (including extended family members) if I don't find them interesting enough. But when I take a liking for a person, I become as good as an extrovert for them. So, when I'm with my friends I become so chatty that you'll hardly think of me as an introvert. I also don't sing, dance or play any sports but I love to paint. I love the forests as well, so the only time I'm enthusiastic about being outdoors is in a forest! An introverted person is not a completely closed person but we prefer to have a close group of people, we like interacting with. Everyone has their own niche of extracurriculars that they like to do...she just needs to find something that interests her. Also, I believe reading books (outside of our academic curriculum) gives children a more well rounded and holistic personality than others. I hope you'll understand your girl's point of view and take actions accordingly 🙂

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