How to convince your parents that you don't wanna marry?


0

How to convince your parents that you don't wanna marry?

14 Answers
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Hi Ruchika,

I hope I am able to help in someway to organize your thoughts around this issue. I assume that you are asking this because a marriage proposal maybe on the cards in the near future?  In these matters, one set of recommendations unfortunately won't suit all, because every family is unique and the right solution is often found only once you understand the family dynamics and circumstances fully and clearly. So my recommendation will be a little general but hopefully still carry some meaning in helping you organize your thoughts. Here are a few questions that you can first ask yourself to clarify your thoughts on this for yourself before you get a chance to discuss with your family:

[This is all just just for you and your eyes only. No one else gets to see it. So do it when you have some time alone]

1. Why do you wish to not marry? List some of the top reasons for yourself.

There could be a thousand reasons, but listing the top reasons will allow you the mental clarity to look at your reasons in front of you and not inside your head where things can become fuzzy very fast.

2. Do you wish to never marry or is it a time bound resistance? i.e. maybe you wish to continue your education for a few years, hold a job and then perhaps marry??---Again, list your answers for you to reflect on.

3. If you never wish to marry, then do you have a plan to be financially Independent so that your parents won't worry about your future? [Here its also helpful to look at the situation from their viewpoint and understand where their true concerns lie. Its possible that behind their recommendation for marriage lies love and genuine care for your future]. Understanding where they are coming from, will help you nevertheless gain more clarity to make the best decision for you.

4. Is there something about marriage fundamentally that scares you at some level? [I do agree that marriage is not for everyone and no marriage is a cake walk, how ever where there is challenge, also lies opportunity for growth and happiness].

If your parents are reasonable people who will listen to their child with an open mind, then perhaps once your mind has some clarity on some of the questions I raised above, you can have an open chat with them? Most reasonable people if they hear a well-reasoned argument will be open to listening to it at least. However, if they still insist that you must get married, then perhaps you can ask for some more time before you commit? Once you put time in-between you and the marriage, there is at least a bit of breathing room for more reflection and getting more solutions. 

Hope this helps 🙂 Feel better!

7

Don't convince ,reject each suitor and let both of them and you be satisfied. 

6

Hi Ruchika 😁

I'd say don't convince them. Be sure you are convinced yourself first and that you won't change your decision no matter what. Once you are clear about it, Nature will reciprocate and they may not even mention it, magically:)

It is an internal affair. Maybe within you still have a little desire to marry if you find 'the right one.' If that's the case then the world will also keep trying.

And final option: pray for clarity of your path:)

Good luck!

5

Wife: Honey, shall we watch a horror movie tonight? 

Husband: Sure darling! Let me play our wedding dvd!

HAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHHAHA

3

Phew! 

Such a beautiful question :p 

I guess it is on our minds, a lot. 

Thankfully, I feel the pressure of getting married is slowly reducing. Probably, our parents and society think that marriage is the solution to every problem (especially for a girl in India in late 20s or early 30s).

I think if you show that you are financially independent and have an idea (in few years) to move out of your parents' place, it may be a good start to convince parents.

Better yet, you can either rent/buy a place of your own (close to your parents' place) and show them that you are perfectly capable of living your life with a purpose (without the need of a life partner).

Or as Komal told, you might be waiting for the right person too - whether that happens or not, or if you want to renounce, it is your choice alone.

There's another viewpoint to this question.

Though I have seen people very miserable and unhappy in relationships and marriage, many people are very happy after finding a life partner too. These healthy relationships are the ones which act a catalyst for overall growth - be it the spiritual world or the material world.

Though there isn't a one-size-fits-all answer, there are a number of factors to consider before marriage.

Firstly, since we believe in our Lord, it is highly important to surrender to His will. If marriage is bound to happen, it will:) (Not because of societal/parental pressure).

Even if marriage doesn't happen, I think we ought to surrender to His will.

Secondly, a relationship is a huge responsibility because both partners need to be willing to put the effort into relationship. Marriage is hard work and takes up a lot of focus and energy.

There are multiple things to discuss before getting married - spiritual goals, career goals, financial goals, decision of having/not having children, understanding each other's temperament, families, compatibility, living conditions and so on. I am a nobody but I think everyone needs to think through things before tying the knot.

Considering all these factors, it is best to remain practical towards each other and maintain ​care and respect.

This also leads me to His Divine video where He explains how we need to pave out our relationship/marriage.

Here's the link
https://youtu.be/ZPfForMKhjw

This is very helpful for everyone - for those who are looking into getting married (or being in a serious relationship), for those who don't want to marry, or for those in relationships.

A must-watch practical take on relationship.

2

Marriage is not necessary but yes it is important. It acts as catalyst in your spiritual journey. If one is fine with being single, then he or she should be firm in his or her statement so that their parents can get assurance from him or her that one live his or her live alone effortlessly. Thank you for asking.

2

Show them their own wedding pics!

hahahhahahahhahahaha

2

Good question. I'm facing this issue as well. It feels like I'm running out of excuses now. A lot of people just can't fathom how someone can be alone and still be happy because society has pushed and pushed partnership as the only way for happiness. What I find weird is that even people in unhappy marriages try to push me toward marriage lol (Misery loves company I guess) 

1

Swamiji has a video on this question or a similar question about kids Sanyaas if I am not mistaken. I think it is in a parenting topic.

the main points he discussed were this.

kids need to understand parents viewpoint. Mostly parents are afraid if the kids will be alone and left with no job skills (if they choose sanyaas) if they change their mind later. If they acknowledge gently and kindly, but be firm in their decision, parents will come around. I think he even talked about an example where the parents threatened suicide , but the kid was firm and parents changed their mind. Hope this helps 

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I have a contrarian viewpoint, You know you have seen the world less than them, you are young now, you are full of energy, at a certain age you will need someone to care for you. Your parents have seen world more, a lot more than you. Give them a chance too.

1

Simply by not marrying😁. 

On serious note you should have concrete and logical reason to convince ur parents that why u don't wanna marry. Further , if not marrying is an escape from commitment and responsibilities then b assured u will b coming back and face similar situations on many occasions in life. 

Fortunately after many failed relationships i have found a lovely partner and feel complete in a marriage . If u come across someone who is like minded and accept u for as u r, do give it a try. 

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PLEASE DON'T DO IT. PLEASE.

I HAVE DONE IT AND GIVING YOU WISDOM 🤣

ENJOY YOUR LIFE WHILE YOU CAN 🤣🤣🤣

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Dnt try to convince, if someone has to understand they will surely, dnt waist your energy on them.

Marriage is wonderful journey if you find supportive partner. Belive that this universe is brimming with beautiful souls. You never know which path is meant for your higher evolution. Dnt resist it. Be open. Ask universe/God for the guidance. 

0

Ruchika, why do you not want to marry?

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