what kind of friends should one make after 30. And how to build those friendships?

[Solved]

1

I have many friends, but I also treat them all equally, share my pain, happiness, weaknesses, struggles and achievements unfiltered. But lately I feel not all that I consider my friends are genuinely happy when I am happy and sad for me when I am struggling, infact vice a versa. I in general keep my distance after a certain point, so I am not concerned about getting emotionally hurt by such attitude, but I do feel its not   a very healthy company to keep. But yet again, they are not all bad, they have some good things to offer too. So sometimes I wonder if I am being too picky or should I just keep healthy company (which is not easy to find, I myself too might not be eligible for that standard, although I strive to be such a person 😀) 

8 Answers
1

Priyanka,

I had a lot to write on the question, as it's something that I have thought a lot on myself. having experienced lot of ups and downs in terms of friendship myself, I can very much understand what you are going through.

The detailed answer from @Devi, the subsequent conversations and the note from Komal, have kinda 'stolen my thunder' and I am not sure what I am going to say, does have any value over and above what they have expressed. But here goes.

While we all wish it to be so, our friendships do NOT grow as we get older. While a few niche relationships from schools stay with us, the ones we build in college and masters, at work, are very different type of friendships. From the depth of understanding, friendships made at school or during school days have the best chance for being 'bosom buddys' or the BFF categories. For kids who keep changing schools or cities, this becomes tougher.

As we all grow older, get married, have family, the quantum of time we can devote to childhood friends, especially if we are not in the same city anymore, becomes limited. I have many cousins who have are still in the same city as that they grew up 4 decades back, and they all have absolutely awesome childhood buddies. So that's one special category which only happens for a select set of people.

And its a natural part of growing up, that we get more mature, more learned and get used to not having a friend around all the time. It's possible that through phone and internet, that one can retain connect with friends over distance. Back in 1980s and 1990s, I myself stayed in touch with my school friends only through physical letters. But we had strong bond, as internet and digital devices did not take away our time and we used to cherish reading and writing those letters.

As far as 'feeling happy for me' or 'understanding my sorrows' is concerned, one needs to build a stronger mind and heart to not have such expectations all the time. Its harsh, but you are your own best friend, you are your own first port of call at anytime. 

One needs to be totally selfless and continue being a genuinely good friend to others, even if the action or feeling is not reciprocated by others.

The more regular followers of my post will kill me for saying this, but building a hobby, passion and having the same as a friend/buddy/companion, is a great way of building self confidence in oneself and not being shaken up when friends do not live upto your expectations. Books have been a huge huge huge support for me in times when I did not have a friend to talk to. Trust me, they are really transformative and can really make a difference.

I am keeping it general but if you wish to discuss any specific case or have more on the topic, please feel free to write to me. always keen to be a friend where one is needed!

have a nice day!

regards,

hetal

5

Dear Priyanka, I hear you and Ive also been in that position before, and I can also tell you that you don't need to worry, things absolutely will change once you imbibe a lil known truth. Generally, we attract into our lives,  situations, circumstances and people who are operating from the same energetic wavelength as us. The good news in acknowledging this is that when we change, everything around us also will change to reflect that new energetic wavelength.

     For a while, the first thing I used to do when I woke up is to say a prayer in my mind saying " Oh life, if you are listening to me, all I ask of you is to help me become the person my dog thinks I am "...Very slowly, but surely I did manage to become a much better version of myself and soon enough people who were not at the same wavelength one by one just dropped out of my life and new people came in. So, the solution to solving this riddle is to turn your focus onto freeing yourself and becoming the best version of yourself. It'll take some time but its worth it. The very fact that you've asked this question in this forum means that you are already on that journey towards becoming the best version of yourself! You have all of our best wishes and swami's grace for your journey.

Wishing you joy!

2

Just try to be the kind of person you wish to meet and eventually you will come across some whom you can call friends. 

2

Dear Priyanka,

As life is transient, it makes people also transient by which I mean we all change with time and move at different paces of evolution, choice or direction. That's fine, I guess. 

My simple and personal view is that:

 🌺 I choose to be honest to someone who desires my friendship and first, be the kind of friend that I want the other person to be to me.

 🌺 With this sincere offering, however difficult it may be at times, one shall tend to attract the kind people that fit into their environment, in the long run, if not immediately. 

Regards, 

Kadambini 🙂 

1

Hi Priyanka!

It's a fabulous question. My advice would be to flow with life and be aware of which friends actually want to be YOUR friend, who is already your friend and whomnare yoh dear to? There are many, or even just one, pick those people. And as for being there for others, try to be there, without the expectation that they will be there in return when needed. I experienced the same, so now I just focus on giving.

And I must tell you that this topic was already on my mind, but your question made me say a couple of things about it in this Youtube video here . Feel free to check it out and thank you for inspiring me:)

Hope you find your answer.

1

Can I be your friend, Priyanka? 

Love ya! 

0

Personally I think age should not be barrier. With age only our ego changes. The mischievous things which we used to do in the childhood cannot be done at the age of 30. So, it is obvious that our friends has to different from what we had in our childhood. So, it is personal choice depending upon change in behaviour occurred during these three decades. Moreover, it is certain that even if you treat every friend equal, it is wrong to expect the same treatment from all the friend. As everyone is unique, so their prospective will also be unique.

0

Personally I think age should not be barrier. With age only our ego changes. The mischievous things which we used to do in the childhood cannot be done at the age of 30. So, it is obvious that our friends has to different from what we had in our childhood. So, it is personal choice depending upon change in behaviour occurred during these three decades. Moreover, it is certain that even if you treat every friend equal, it is wrong to expect the same treatment from all the friend. As everyone is unique, so their prospective will also be unique.

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