Jai Shri Hari!
Today I got an uncommon doubt which never arouse within me, I always thought I was capable of becoming more spiritual and Attain Mahadeva within this lifetime, but by looking back at myself I became more emotional and depressed 😔 than ever. (Sorry for this long question)
Can a normal person like me who is struggling to break the hardened tendencies of mind, who is indisciplined to practice meditation or sadhana, who is less mindful of his thoughts, speech and actions, who is controlled by the mind instead of making it listen to him, who is fallen under the trap of worldy pleasures, who is wasting his precious time, who forgets the wisdom received from his intellect and gets engaged in the guidance of his five senses, who is less compassionate or truthful (finds hard to follow all the virtues of a sadhak), who is bombarded with impure and negative thoughts, who is egoistic and overconfident, who often gets angry to small things, who has no spiritual experiences so far, who is less devotional, who finds it hard to surrender, who isn't even worthy to worship his isht, who isn't even capable of becoming a recipient of Divine's grace: Can become self realised within this lifetime?
I know it's never late but something inside really haunts me: What if
Har Har Mahadev!