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Cultivating Self-Love

It is erroneous to believe that others give us love, because the truth is, others only awaken the love which is already present in us. The feeling of fulfillment is an inner experience. Others can give us a glimpse of it, but in the end, it’s your own depth of character and existence that dictates how content you are.

People can be incredibly lonely even when surrounded by their loved ones. In fact, you can’t resolve loneliness by entering into a relationship, because it’s not the opposite of togetherness. Loneliness is difficult because it’s a feeling of isolation, you’ve become distanced from yourself; others have little or nothing to do with it. Loving oneself is the key to inner fulfilment and it is only when we are complete that we can add value to any relationship, endeavour or our life in general.

Whatever you seek from others, learn to give it to yourself first. To be selfless in love is to love the other person the way he or she wants to be loved. Start with yourself. Take responsibility. 

There are two key secrets to self-love:

1. Liking yourself and enhancing your best quality.

We cannot love ourselves unless we like at least one thing about ourselves first. So, go ahead. Find out what you like about yourself and enhance that quality!

2. Being of use to others and leading a purposeful life.

When we help others, feel useful, and put our energy to some creative use (anything you like) our sense of self-worth increases automatically. This is the second key ingredient to self-love.

Once you love yourself, you won’t find yourself waiting for someone to knock on your heart’s door. Instead, you’ll discover that your heart is as big as the sky, it has no doors, it’s vast and has ample room for everyone.

Self-love quotes and wisdom can often help us turn inward and discover the importance of cultivating this love independently of others.

Self-love quotes

Self love quotes
  • “The primary reason why spiritual texts tell you to turn inwards is because doing so invariably means regaining your nearness with your “self”, which is the purest and highest form of self-love.” 
“Whatever you seek from others, learn to give it to yourself first.”  Click To Tweet
  • “It’s not possible to love someone without first being fulfilled ourselves. And the feeling of fulfillment is an inner experience.” 
  • “If you love yourself, you will find it easy to love others, if you feel important, you will make others feel the same.”
“The more you give love, the more the world will give it back to you.”  Click To Tweet
  • “It’s only when you consider yourself worthy of love that you are able to fill yourself with love.”
“Your self-worth is directly proportional to your self-esteem.” Click To Tweet
  • “There’s only so much the other person can give you. Ultimately, your happiness depends on your selfless karma as well as on how you treat yourself.”
“If we don’t know how to keep ourselves happy, no one else will ever be able to do that for us.” Click To Tweet
  • “We make others feel what we truly are ourselves, deep within. If you want to feel all that you are not presently, all you have to do is start giving it to others and Nature will reciprocate.”
  • “The most potent question you can ask yourself to overcome self-doubt is: What is the worst that can happen?”
  • “You always draw your energy and inspiration from whoever is the center of your life. In love, you become the one you love.  If the center of your life is beauty, God, divinity, compassion or any of these, you’ll become an embodiment of that.”
  • “Positive self-importance comes from being honest with yourself, your opinions about yourself, and your work.”
  • “Learn to love yourself, take care of yourself, treat yourself, believe in yourself, this is how you build a sense of self-importance.”
  • “When you put your heart, mind and soul into whatever you undertake, it liberates you.”

Rumi Self love quotes

  • “The minute I heard my first love story, I started looking for you, not knowing how blind that was. Lovers don’t finally meet somewhere. They are in each other all along.”
“And you? When will you begin that long journey into yourself?” Click To Tweet
  • “Be melting snow. Wash yourself of yourself.”
  • “Your task is not to seek for love, but merely to seek and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it.”
“What you seek is seeking you.”  Click To Tweet
  • “Don’t be satisfied with stories, how things have gone with others. Unfold your own myth.”
  • “In your light I learn how to love. In your beauty, how to make poems. You dance inside my chest where no-one sees you, but sometimes I do, and that sight becomes this art.”
“Everything in the universe is within you. Ask all from yourself.” Click To Tweet “I closed my mouth and spoke to you in a hundred silent ways.” Click To Tweet

“Oh soul,
you worry too much.
You have seen your own strength.
You have seen your own beauty.
You have seen your golden wings.
Of anything less,
why do you worry?
You are in truth
the soul, of the soul, of the soul.”

“You are not a drop in the ocean. You are the entire ocean in a drop.” Click To Tweet

“You wander from room to room
Hunting for the diamond necklace
That is already around your neck!”

“Do you know what you are?
You are a manuscript oƒ a divine letter.
You are a mirror reflecting a noble face.
This universe is not outside of you.
Look inside yourself;
everything that you want,
you are already that.”

  • “Be a lamp, or a lifeboat, or a ladder. Help someone’s soul heal. Walk out of your house like a shepherd.” 
  • “Soul, if you want to learn secrets, your heart must forget about shame and dignity. You are God’s lover, yet you worry what people are saying.”

“When someone beats a rug,
the blows are not against the rug,
but against the dust in it.”

“Do not feel lonely, the entire universe is inside you.” Click To Tweet “Shine like the whole universe is yours.” Click To Tweet “Your heart is the size of an ocean. Go find yourself in its hidden depths.” Click To Tweet “The only lasting beauty is the beauty of the heart” Click To Tweet “I searched for God and found only myself. I searched for myself and found only God.” Click To Tweet
  • “Listen with ears of tolerance! See through the eyes of compassion! Speak with the language of love” 

“If Light Is In Your Heart
You Will Find Your Way Home.”

“Look past your thoughts, so you may
drink the pure nectar of This Moment.”

  • “Everyone has been made for some particular work and the desire for that work has been put in every heart.” 
  • “Hardship may dishearten at first, but every hardship passes away. All despair is followed by hope; all darkness is followed by sunshine.” 

“There came one and knocked at the door of the Beloved.
And a voice answered and said, ‘Who is there?’
The lover replied, ‘It is I.’
‘Go hence,’ returned the voice;
‘There is no room within for thee and me.’
Then came the lover a second time and knocked and again the voice demanded,
‘Who is there?’
He answered, ‘It is thou.’
‘Enter,’ said the voice, ‘for I am within.”

“My friend, you thought you lost Him;
that all your life you’ve been separated from Him.
Filled with wonder, you’ve always looked outside for Him,
and haven’t searched within your own house.”

“You were born with wings, why prefer to crawl through life?” Click To Tweet “You have within you more love than you could ever understand.” Click To Tweet

The essence of true love

There’s bound to be fulfillment and a sense of togetherness in a mature relationship for you know that you can share your joys and sorrows without being judged or reprimanded. That, there’s freedom and understanding. 

True love quotes

  • “In attachment, you mostly value what you care about. In love, you care about what the other person values.”
  • “In love you become the one you love.”
“Nearness is love and love is nearness.” Click To Tweet “Love: a state where you equate your own well-being on par with that of the other person.” Click To Tweet
  • “This is the simple principle of long-lasting relationships: to love them the way they want to be loved and not how you think they should be loved.”
  • “The nearness you feel with anyone is the only true benchmark of love.”
  • “You always value what you truly love. And the only way to keep love is to love back. Love begets love.”
  • “The nearness you experience, be it emotional, physical, or spiritual, represents the various shades of love.” 
  • “When you focus on what’s good than what’s bad, you naturally learn to value what all is there. And when you truly value something, you work hard to protect it.”
  • “The person we love may be physically far from us, but if we feel a certain nearness to them, we are in love.”
  • “The only true way to see the depth of anyone’s love is to see their behavior.”
“Care is the only true measure of one’s love.” Click To Tweet
  • “It is easy to get carried away and think me-me-me, but a functional relationship is about a lot of patience, mutual care and respect.”
  • “Whether your actions show that you care about the preferences, honor, and wellbeing of the other person (and they yours) is just about the only true indicator of love.”
  • “In our imperfections lies the sublime emotion of love like the unfound diamond in a raven mine.”
“True love is reconciling the variance. It is about finding a common ground.” Click To Tweet
  • “Saying I love you has no meaning if you don’t know what matters to the one you love. If you have not cared to find that out or if you can’t support them in what they care about, you are mistaking attachment for love.”

Finding love quotes

  • “You can’t feel love unless you already have it in your heart. And, you can’t have love unless you give it.”
  • “Love is the basis of our very existence. It is the one thing everyone desires and offers wholeheartedly, and yet, it remains ever elusive.”
  • “To love is to make the other person at perfect ease in your presence, so they can be themselves.”
  • “Often man is looking for more freedom and personal space while the woman wants more security and quality time”
  • The foundation of an everlasting relationship rests on a fundamental question two people ask each other: “What matters to you?”

Unconditional love quotes

  • “Be clear about what’s the minimum you require from your life and what’s the best you can do for the other person.”
  • “When you make someone feel special, you create a special bond with that person, your relationship and the leverage you have from it becomes special, it is a sign of love, of care, you automatically solicit positive emotions from the other person.”
  • “When you show care with your words and gestures, you make the other person feel special, closer, loved.”
  • “In a healthy relationship, you focus on the positives in the other person while in a negative one, you do the opposite.”
  • “If our behavior towards the other person does not display sincerity, understanding, empathy and care, it is not love. Maybe pseudo-love at the most.”
  • “Don’t hurt back when you are hurt. Let the dust settle after the storm and then express yourself non-violently, compassionately. I call this love. Since, if your love is true, the storm will pass.”

Letting go of someone you love

Have you noticed that whenever we are suffering, it’s generally due to the presence or absence of someone else in our life? We are sad because we have the wrong person in our life or we are sad because the right person is no more (or not as much as we’d like them to be) in our life. 

If you’re going through heartbreak this beautiful story may change your entire perspective about love and loss:

“Once upon a time, there was a guy. He deeply loved a girl. He dreamed of her all the time. He would send her flowers, give her gifts, say nice things, and express his love. She accepted his gifts, flowers, chocolates and all, but wouldn’t give or say anything in return other than a thank you. The boy still didn’t lose hope and thought one day his love would win over her, that, one day she would melt and she would reciprocate. He thought the girl did love him, only that she wasn’t expressing it yet. It went on a for a while. Nothing changed.

One day, the girl informed him that she was moving out of town. He pleaded with her to not go. The girl, however, said that she had more important things to do.

“Why, what about love? Is it not important? Don’t you love me?” the guy said.

“Love? What about it? I never loved you,” she said.

The guy got up and left the place. Everyone in the friends and family got concerned about him. They were certain he was broken beyond repair, but there was not a sign of hurt on his face or in his actions. Some thought he was really depressed and was acting cocky to hide his real feelings. A few days passed and he kept on living normally. One day his friends confronted him.

“You must be really sad and heartbroken. We know you are hurt,” they said.

“Hurt? Not really. I’m happier than before.”

“How can this be? You loved her to bits, whereas she dumped you callously saying she never loved you.”

“You see,” he said, “I lost someone who never loved me, but she lost someone who loved her deeply. So, tell me, who has actually lost?”

The story above gives us a perspective. And, it’s all about the perspective, a viewpoint, how we take what we get, how we look at what life makes us see. It’s okay to feel hurt, but it is also possible to let go. These quotes below could give you the strength you need when life crumbles to pieces.

Sad love quotes

“The erosion of love is nothing but the loss of nearness.” Click To Tweet
  • “People get this sinking feeling in the stomach when they find out that their partner might be cheating on them. It’s not just due to a betrayal of trust but a crack in the nearness they once shared exclusively.”
  • “In this conditional world, our attachments blind us and crush us, they don’t do us any good. The day you realize and internalize this truth, your life will never be the same again. Don’t take the ember or hurl it. Put it to use. Simply be mindful. It helps.”
  • “Just like our desires and emotions are cyclical, so are the good and bad times in our lives.”
  • “At times, situations are undesirable and unpleasant, but we can’t avoid them. We have to deal with them. As they say, someone’s got to make the trains run on time. Granted, it’s not always feasible to deal with unpleasant situations in a pleasant mood, but it is possible to handle them with patience.”
“Every time you are hurt, a little bit of you is broken.” Click To Tweet

“When one day you stand empty of any emotions towards the other person, that day you become a stranger to them, even to yourself to some extent.”

  • “Sometimes, life will offer you burning coal when you are least prepared. Worse, when you don’t even deserve it. Don’t burn yourself with that unexpected offering. Instead, use it to strengthen your position, to forge ahead.”
“Only your loved ones can hurt you the most.” Click To Tweet
  • “When you lose yourself, You feel like the lost child in a fair, lonely in a crowd, an utter stranger. How can you feel any intense emotion towards strangers? You can’t.”
  • “Forgiveness requires that you be hurt once more, one last time, once and for all. It is the final dressing to treat your wound.”
  • “Your own will hurt you, for love is not about never getting hurt. Instead, it is about not losing sight of the good in the other person even when they hurt you.”

FAQS

Why do we love?

Various philosophers and enlightened beings have different perceptions about the underlying reason behind love, including romantic love. Plato stated that “Love makes us whole again.” whereas the German, Schopenhauer believed and imparted that “Love tricks us to have babies.” On the other hand, Buddha stated that Love is a misleading affection. As seen in the video below, perceptions about love around the world have been different across the ages. The truth remains that it could well be an unsolved mystery, which is experienced differently from one individual to another. 

How to cultivate self-love to accept love from others?

What’s the secret to any healthy relationship? Accepting ourselves as we are as well as acknowledging that we are deserving of our own love and the love of others.. Happy partners all have a degree of self-love, which enables them to bring fulfilment to relationships. This short clip expounds on the importance of self-love with regards to accepting love from others.

How to stop swiping and find your person on dating apps?

Christina Wallace proposes a new idea to find your person. And no, she doesn’t suggest the usual “do something fun together on your first date”. Have you ever wished you could run away in the middle of a disastrous dinner (first) date? Well, find out how you can avoid this and actually use dating apps in your favour to find the right person, from this Ted talk by Christina. 

How to boost your self-confidence?
We have the power to boost our own self-confidence, through three easy steps. 
  1. Trying a quick fix, such as listening to empowering music to motivate you for success. 
  2. Believing in your ability to improve. Improve  your skills and develop a growth mindset.
  3. Failure. Yes. Watch the short clip below to know more.

Can love be unconditional?

When we talk about unconditional love, almost always we mistake thinking unconditional means constant. When people think about unconditional love, the first thing they think of is that my love is constant no matter what. Constancy does not mean unconditional. You could love somebody unconditionally and yet still experience ups and downs that come in love.

Sometimes when you have a fight with somebody and in your heart, you are so certain that you will not see the face of this person ever again. You are so certain. You have already started visualizing how I will live my life without this person and things will be so good and so on. It doesn’t mean you don’t love this person unconditionally. Because, unconditional love only means that your care for that person never stops. You always want them to be well, and care for them deeply, as Om Swami expounds.

How to be happy in a relationship?
 

There is one golden rule which can help us be happy in relationships 99.9% of the time. 

People love you and need you, but everyone has different ways of expressing that. We must remember people don’t live in our dream world,  but they live in their dream world, and they respond according to how they are, not how you are. It is not about you, therefore do not take anything personally. Listen to Om Swami’s short clip as he shares an easy way to have happy relationships through one golden rule.

How to  let go of a person?

Often, we seek fulfillment or completeness when we feel somewhat unfulfilled within. Until we take a hard look and gauge what we need to do to be happy with or without a person, no one else can make us happy. If we don’t want to seek fulfillment from others, we can learn to seek it from ourselves. The secret to doing this is by devoting ourselves to something greater than us, as Om Swami shares below.

How to handle difficult relationships?
    

Essentially, no matter how hard a relationship seems to be, it can be of tremendous help if you can avoid saying hurtful words towards the other and patiently act in a manner which befits you. 

“Nobody is bad in this world, in the worst case, people are only a misfit.”

You cannot control what the other person is doing, but you surely can control your actions and as long as you are doing the right thing, know that Nature sees it all. And eventually that’s all that matters. In this video, Om Swami further shares a touching story on how only love can wash away any poison (bitterness) within us and others too.