Today was my first day at class.

But i couldnt study.

 

I was afraid that , if i remove my eyes from the board or if remove my eyes from the teacher or if i stop doing anything or if start talking to anyone then i will be scolden. This phobia i have been carryong for many years, and it kicks in other places too. 

 

And the fuel of this phobia is –

1) The inner desire in me, that i should live the teacher, no matter what.

2) If he becomes angry with me, then something realy terrible wiĺl happen.

3) when i was small then i used to think that the teacher is everything. That if they are telling us to be quiet  , then it is for our own good, but it was actually for their own good. Because the basic principle is that children should learn , and direct their energy, and not spend time in trying to suppress it, which i have done.

 

Can anyone of you guys suggest something on what i can do?

 

Swami ji said in his vedio that vedic chants help. And they do indeed help. But i have only learnt very few. (The swastivachan from sri suktam) and i dont feel like repeating the same chant many times. If i am able to learn more of them, and muster the courage to sing them softly in  class, whenever i feel down, then that would be great .

 

Jai shri hari.