How often we hear these words in our surrounding – You should be the way you are, you should not change yourself for anyone. What does these words really mean? Before exploring this question further, let me introduce you a bandit of Ancient India known as Angulimal. He had killed 999 people and cut their fingers and made a garland out of those fingers. He was a terror. People were scared of him. He would just butcher people and cut their fingers since he wanted to have a garland! 999 people! And he was looking for a 1000th finger! And it so happened, that Buddha was passing by. Angulimal lived on top of a hill. He saw a beautiful man and a good-looking person. He said, ‘Ok, here is my 1000th. I can have his finger as a pendant.’ So he came down the hill, laughing loud and making noise – ‘I am Angulimal coming.’ And Buddha was unshaken. He just stood there smiling. Angulimal tried to chase him, ‘Are you not afraid? You know I am Angulimal.’ People were terrified, just by hearing his name. They had nightmares. People would run away. And here he sees a man just standing there, embodiment of peace, just smiling. With so much compassion and grace looking at him! Angulimal came infront of Buddha and looked at him and he was stunned! A few minutes and then he melted.. he didn’t know what was happening to him. Angulimal fell at the feet of Buddha. Buddha said, ‘Yeah, go ahead! You want my finger?’ But Angulimala could not! The amount of light and love just shook Angulimala. He fell at the feet of Buddha. And then he became a Bhikshu(disciple).
You may have seen other examples like Angulimal , people who were involved in drugs for many years stopped touching it for there entire life , people who were alcoholic stopped drinking , people who had anger issues found there peace , people with insecurity became the most secured person , people with fear became fearless, people who were hesitant to communicate and share there emotions became vulnerable , people with poor money management skills became the financial experts, people who never stood for themselves started raising voice for others, people who were anxious there whole life became the most confident person in there circle and many more. So if these people would have thought that should be the way they are then how change would have taken place? If you will ask these people what made them change there life , then the basis of each answer will be love or pain. Some people get inspired and decide to change and some people go through pain so much that they decide to change. You should never change yourself for others , to please others , to make people stay in your life , to adjust in the society or friend circle but you should change yourself when you feel like that yes something inside you wants to bring some positive change. You would have seen people changing temporarily to please someone and you would have seen people transforming when they are in true love. True love inspires them to change not for there partner but for there love. Change is always painful , as you are breaking years of layers on the mirror of your true self, but it becomes possible to go through the pain of change when you are embraced by warmth of love. As there is no judgement in love so treading the waves of change becomes doable. Some people go through pain so much that pain inspires them to bring changes in themselves. The pain of being stuck and not liking the situation becomes so resentful that the pain of change looks very small. Apart from these two forces (love & pain) all other changes are temporary. There will be change but not transformation. To become a butterfly, a caterpillar first digests itself. The process through which a caterpillar becomes a butterfly is painful but it will never be able to fly if this of process transformation have not taken place. Don’t change for people , don’t change for pleasing , and I would say stop using this word change , start transforming. Each one of us wants to fly as butterfly but are we waiting to go through enough pain to transform ourselves or we have found love within which is inspiring us to change but we are afraid of pain. If you are in pain then this is the time and if you are in love then this is the time, Choice is yours, timeline is yours no one will be going to do it for you and no one can do it except you. Because “ITS ALWAYS YOU”