The Three Most Important Decisions

Whatever we go through in our lives can broadly be divided into two categories. The first comprises things that happen to us, some of which  seem to be due to our karma or through no fault of ours. Or sometimes, we simply step into someone else’s karmic field. The second category constitutes all those things that are happening to us because of the decisions we have made in the past. My focus in this writeup is on the latter, that is conscious choices that have shaped our lives.

Decisions lead to action (or non-action, which can still be a form of action) and I have always said that no action is inconsequential. However big or small our action might be, it would have some repercussions. It’s inevitable. Indeed, some decisions are not just highly consequential but irreversible too. But believe it or not, there are three decisions in particular that can completely change the course of your destiny. These decisions steer the ship of your life. 

Jeff Bezos once said that he always prefers to do his high IQ meetings at 10 am because that’s when he is at his cognitive peak. “Think about it,” he said, “as executives you are paid big to make a small number of very important decisions.” ¹ 

For a moment think of yourself as the CEO of your life. As an executive, a small number of your decisions too will have a huge impact on your life. One way or another. And there are three decisions in particular that will be of greatest consequence, out of which the first one has a series of sub-decisions, or choices if you will, that will shape your life beyond what I can express in words. Without further ado:

1. How you spend the defining decade

Just so you and I are on the same page, your twenties is the defining decade of your life. ² While all of our decisions, made at any age, contribute to making who we are, it must be said that the choices you make in your twenties have lifelong consequences. Almost to the point that in our thirties, forties, and beyond we are paying the price or reaping the rewards of the choices made in our twenties. Out of all the things we do in that decade, there are two decisions that absolutely stand out in terms of the enormity of their impact. As follows.

A. Your field of study

While the world is full of examples of some very successful people going on to do something completely different from the field of their academic studies, the truth is that for a vast majority, your entire career more or less is determined by your field of study. And it goes beyond the opportunities available to you. What you study shapes how you think about challenges and how you approach life. 

B. Your closest friends

The other area of great influence will be the kind of people you choose to hang out with. You will end up setting the bar for yourself almost entirely based on the kind of friends you make. They will be instrumental, for good or bad, intentionally or otherwise, in shaping your habits, lifestyle, thinking, maybe even life goals. Whether it’s your boyfriend, girlfriend, or just friends, they will have a telling impact on your decisions.

2. Whom you marry

The second most important decision you make in your life, the effects of which are irreversible, is the person you choose to marry. I’m not suggesting that you wait an eternity in search of the most perfect life partner. In fact—if anything—be realistic as options start to disappear faster than most people realize. But a compatible right partner will absolutely propel you to the pinnacle of your potential and an incompatible one will, well, do the exact opposite. In zeroing in on a potential life partner, simply list the single most important virtue they must possess. Everything else is a bonus.

3. Where you live

We often underestimate the power of the place you choose as your residence. If you are serious about building a phenomenal career, the odds tip greatly in your favor if you are in a place conducive to the industry you are in. It’s not that you can’t succeed in smaller cities or towns, but the right place will mean better employers, investors, talent, and opportunities. The probability of your success as well as the magnitude of it goes up significantly.

The quality of your life is determined by the quality of your relationships (with yourself and others) and the quality of your decisions. Decisive people tend to experience greater fulfillment and contentment in their lives.

Mulla Nasrudin walks into a library and says, “I’m looking for that famous book on Indecisiveness—can’t recall its name. Any idea if you have it?”“I’m not sure,” the librarian says.“That’s the one!” Mulla says gleefully.

There is a subtle difference between being indecisive or delaying your decision. Consciously sitting on a decision is not the same as indecisiveness. Sometimes you need to reflect, weigh your options and consider all things before you arrive at a decision. So decision-making doesn’t mean that we rush to action. As long as you don’t continue to miss the opportunities due to delaying your decisions, you have the right to take your time. 

A more pertinent question, however, is how to make a good decision? How to ensure that it’s the right one? And more importantly, how to ascertain that it will lead to success? 

While there’s no way of knowing everything upfront, you can simply increase the odds of success by being mindful of the fact that every choice you make will impact you in some way. Besides, success means different things to different people. If I may quote David Ball, a life coach:

After about 20,000 discussions, this truth landed between my ears and it’s the truth of 20,000 people and their life experiences. 

How you define success in life determines what you value most. That’s the first part of the genesis of how a person comes to identify how much is enough.

And the second part to that statement is: what you value most is demonstrated by how you spend your most important depreciating asset, which is your time.

The enormity of those two statements can only be viewed in entirety when you look at both of them together.

So there you have it, reflect on what you value the most and where you spend the most time. If those two are in sync, all your significant decisions will be aligned with your life goals automatically. 

Now, you might wonder, what if you feel it’s too late for you to make important decisions? Well, my dear, it’s never too late to begin anything good. Start from where you are, and before you know it, you will have come a long way. 

Pause. Reflect. Decide. Act. 

Keep walking.

Peace.
Swami