Why Do People Change?

I care for you. Of course, I will always love you no matter what. Yes, we will definitely go for a vacation this year. I promise I will be home by seven. I will never get mad at you again. And many other promises people make to each other, to their loved ones, to the ones they generally care about, such words that they mean and intend to keep unless they are lying through their teeth. Often though, many are unable to keep most of their promises. Does that mean they never meant it when they were making such big claims? Actually, not quite.

Why do people change? Do they?

One thing is constant in the world and that is change. This world is made up of living and non-living beings. The living change, the non-living keep the cycle of change in motion. So, in essence, people change; not necessarily for the better or worse always, they just change. And, when they change, the promises they once meant, they may no longer feel that way about anymore. If you accept this, your life will become easier. If you want to hold someone to ransom for the promise they once made, good luck!

How to keep the harmony when people change in relationships?

A couple are unhappy in their relationship. They go to their spiritual master for blessings and guidance. They narrate the state of affairs and request that their guru show them the path. He ponders over the matter for a minute and says, I will tell you to do two things. If you follow them religiously, harmony will be restored in your relationship. So:

“First, always keep your promise no matter what,” the guru said.
“Second, never make a promise no matter what,” he finished.

What to do when people change in relationships?

If you look around, the more intimate a relationship, the greater the chances for change that may lead to deterioration. That is how it works. The key is to give each other some personal space. There should be room for each other to move freely. Imagine doing ballet in Chandni Chowk in Delhi, or playing soccer on Tottenham Court Road in London. Too packed! When your relationship becomes crowded with expectations, it leaves no room for playing.

It looks lucrative — to change the other person; it even looks possible — to make the other person adjust according to you. The truth is, it is too ambitious. Much easier is to change yourself, for your own happiness, for your own good, for your own peace of mind. You may also want to read – how to make a relationship last?

I once read a beautiful quote somewhere, “Never make a decision when angry and never make a promise when happy.” Golden words of wisdom.

Be happy.

Peace.
Swami