It’s been a while since I last wrote. I am ready to share some information with you all. Here’s all about my abouts (how, when, where, what) in the three periods of time. I will try to keep it short.
On the afternoon of 15th March 2010, I left for my spiritual journey. I went to Varanasi. By 18th March, I had found my guru 80 kilometers north of Varanasi in a little village. He initiated me into sanyasa on the 11th of April. My guru is a Naga saint, seventy five years of age. I left his ashram four months later because I had renounced to seek my own truth; he wanted me to look after his properties and take his seat. I did not want to manage a “spiritual business”. I came to the Himalayas. Six kilometers further north of Badrinath on the way to Neelkanth, I found a suitable cave on a mountain summit called Narayana Parvata. It had breathtaking view of several waterfalls, multiple water streams and the incomparable pristine purity of the Himalayas. I did two important sadhanas there.
Two months later, after completing my sadhanas, I went to the abode of lord Jaganatha (Puri). I spent nearly two weeks in Orissa ineffectually searching for a suitable seaside location. I came back to the Himalayas. This time I selected an even more remote location in the Himalayan woods. I will vivify the place in detail some other time. In short, it was simply majestic. Regularly sojourned by such wild animals as deer, boars, bears and monstrous rodents, it had a splendid view. It was like Nature’s golf course. I started my sadhana there on the 19th of November. I came down for a day to send you folks an email on the 27th December before starting my most important sadhana on the 5th Jan. It lasted for 150 days. Meditation and related activities took 17 hours of time. I will elaborate more on that upon my return. With divine grace, it got completed successfully. In the last 100 days of my sadhana was complete isolation and solitude, even from my own thoughts. The outcome has left me fulfilled.
I can not give my present whereabouts. But I am happy and safe and in total bliss. Bliss that pervades my entire being almost all the time. I have learned to maintain my meditative state irrespective of the state of the world outside, at any point in time that is. I am moving onto my next and final destination of my spiritual journey.
My next and concluding sadhana is more a test than an actual sadhana. My core and mainstream sadhana is complete. I have found what I was looking for. It has dawned. I get it now. It is all crystal clear. I got an unambiguous vision of my deity on 13th Feb and then again on May 11. The extraordinary bliss that permeated my whole body thereafter stays with me all the time. I can go back into that experience anytime at will. A one-off fleeting experience that you can not replicate is of little use if any. If we have experienced something as a result of our efforts, we should be able to experience it repeatedly at will. If we have followed our approach systematically, the same experience should occur each time on providing the same conditions. Anyway, I will write more on it later after my return. After completing my concluding sadhana, I will come back and see you all. I will disclose my return date at the end of this email. Before that, I would like to share with you the essence of my findings. As follows:
Buddha propounded that there is no God or supreme creator. Krishna declared that He is the God. Einstein said that everything is the sum total of energy. Meera found her truth in Krishna, Ramakrishna Parmahansa in Kali, Tulsidasa in Rama, Sankracarya in the formless and many others found there own versions of the truth. Most people agree that kama, krodha, ahamkara etc are not good for them; why do they still engage in them? I wanted to experience my own truth. I am at complete loss of words to put my experience and my current state in words.
Self realization is no serendipity. It is not an aha moment. Intellectual comprehension of such realization may well be an epiphany, the actual realization is far from it. Self realization can be achieved by anyone who is willing to put in the effort. Dawning of such realization will leave you with only answers. You will no longer have any questions. Intellectually, you may understand the underlying philosophy or doctrinal principles but such an understanding may only make you more rigid. You will end up merely subscribing to a theory with no confirmation about its validity.
If you believe that the Divine has a form, you can see his form in this very lifetime. If you believe that the Divine is formless, you can experience deep absorption (samadhi) in the foreseeable future. That is what I experienced multiple times. Your world is made up of your thoughts. If your world has a God in it and all your thoughts, all the time, are about Him, His very form will manifest before you. If your world has bliss and all your thoughts, all the time, are focused on such bliss you will experience such bliss. That is a tough ask though because a perfectly stable and still mind is required to meditate on one thought for prolonged periods. It can be achieved with an initial intense effort.
Just like a neo literate finds it hard to read but achieves proficiency over time, you will encounter numerous hurdles on the way. If you stay course, you will most definitely get to the destination. I have come to know that if you do bhakti or dhayana incorrectly, you are not going to ever get to the destination. You will not feel any of the things various scriptures or exegetical texts state regarding blissful experiences or similar other extraordinary claims. If you can do it correctly, you can experience and bring forth your divine side in a short time frame. I have to declare though that it requires a super intense effort.
I will elucidate my version of what is “correct” upon my return. The truth is very simple and you all know it too. But experiencing it is an entirely different ballgame. Most people know right from wrong, yet why do they find themselves engaging in unscrupulous and undesirable acts repeatedly? That is because their mind is not tamed. A restless mind and its modifications (citta vritti) drive them towards experiencing and enjoying the world through their body alone. Purity of discipline, whether in bhakti or in dhyana can help you tame your mind. You will then experience an indescribable, incessant flow of bliss. I used to read about it and had some experiences far and few in between. The actual sustained experience of samadhi is an incredible one. The bliss stays with you all the time with very little effort afterwards.
I would like to elucidate the difference between intellectual comprehension of the truth and actually experiencing it. Suppose that someone is suffering from cataract. That person is aware of his visual impairment. Is that awareness adequate to correct his vision? He knows where the problem is and he knows that the resultant effect is his inability to see correctly. He is also aware that undergoing a procedure to remove the cataract will fix his vision. Intellectually, he gets it. He understands it. That awareness does not help him in seeing unhindered though. His impairment is not the result of any intellectual malfunction. Therefore it can not be fixed with any intellectual comprehension or correction. He must undergo the procedure to correct his vision. Similarly, your distorted view of the world or your deluded mind (citta) is not an intellectual problem.
Subscribing to any philosophy or believing a certain theory to be the truth – both of which are functions of the mind – is not going to help you uncover your true self let alone any samadhi or a darsana of your deity. The most beautiful thing is that you can experience your true nature and you can experience that incessant flow of bliss by taming your mind. A mind that’s not settled and under complete control will render you unable to perform devotional service (bhakti) or meditation (dhayana) correctly and purely. In the absence of such purity, you are unlikely to experience anything profound. Once you are able to replicate your experience, your world will change for ever. You would have turned inwards. Completely. You will go through three stages as follows:
This is the first stage. You are dependent on the world for everything. Their comments or criticism arouse positive or negative emotions in you. Their presence or absence makes you feel good or bad. Their actions can give you fulfillment or grief. In essence, your world of thoughts has a lot of people. As a result your world revolves around them. You can not live in solitude. Once you start to turn inwards and inculcate morality in absolutely everything you do with purity of your worldly, spiritual and moral discipline, you will move to stage two.
With unfailing morality and purity of discipline, you will start to form your own view. A view about yourself and your world. A view that will remain mostly unmoved by what others think of you. They will still, however, be able to dictate often how you feel about yourself. As you become increasingly self-dependent, you will find solitude a reasonable companion. Someone you don’t mind spending some time with occasionally. Your state of mind starts to acquire some stability where you find yourself enjoying most of the things you have to do. However, whenever off-guard your inner world is still overcome by restless thoughts and senses. Your view of the world is still conceptualized based on your acquisition of second hand knowledge. As you begin to get glimpses into your true nature and continue relentlessly, not recklessly, towards self purification, you will move to stage three.
You experience an unceasing bliss that permeates your being. You exude radiance and you no longer have any confusions about anything at all. It all makes sense to you now. The realization has dawned on you. You are no longer driven by your mind.You have a still mind with no thoughts and you develop super awareness and super consciousness. Once you discover the pristine purity of your mind, you will understand and know the reality of everything around you. By the time you cross this stage, you will have an answer for everything. You will find yourself unaffected by the worldly emotions. You no longer have any inclination for worldly enjoyments nor are you left with any cravings of any nature. Even your spiritual experiences cease to hold much meaning. You become independent. And that is your true nature. Always in a state of bliss, everything you undertake leads to the same outcome — bliss. Your vision of your deity and your state of samadhi will not leave you at anytime. Everyone around will experience bliss too, just like everyone under the sun is basked in the sunlight indiscriminately. Whenever you will look at anything or anyone, they will only come across as pure bliss.
I have come to experience that you can get to stage three and beyond in a short time frame, in this very lifetime. It does not come easy though. An intense effort with the right conditions and balance is required. I may write on it some day in the future in detail. This email is neither the right forum nor the appropriate medium to elaborate my truth. I have shared the vital details with you nevertheless.
It is no longer a phantom. There is nothing I seek now. I no longer have anything I would like to accomplish or do. For the sake of my vow (sankalpa) and to put my truth to test, I have to spend some more time in solitude. I am more than willing to share my version of the truth with you should you wish to experience the bliss that you perhaps have come to believe as mere allegory in the present times.
How much longer are you going to go through the unnecessary slog? Do you intend to keep driving to the supermarket till the licensing authority refuses to renew your license on account of your inability to check the blind spot? Are you going to continue to pretend that is how life is supposed to be? Are you waiting for something or someone? How much longer are you going to continue sipping the distasteful instant coffee? Are you going to continue building your world around people? Are you going to get old and be contented with mere phone calls from your children?
One day you will be woken up from your sleep by a knock audible to you alone. That knock will be the one to put you to the ultimate sleep. At that moment, you will realize that you have already had your last meal, your last phone call, your last email, your last sleep, your last bath and your last conversation. Someone else is having the last word though. It won’t be yours. Your preference to stay or go will be mercilessly ignored.
I am not suggesting that you renounce the world. On the contrary, I am imploring you to learn to live. Gracefully, peacefully, blissfully with the right view of the world and with your own version of the truth. You live in your own house, you wear your own clothes, you do your own job, you drive your own car, but your view of the world and your view of yourself is not your own. It is affected constantly by the world around you. It does not need be that way.
When you discover your true nature, you become a renunciate even amidst all worldly activities. You can continue your present lifestyle and ride an emotional roller coaster rather frequently or you can experience and expose your divine side. No matter how novice or expert the surfer, they can keep waiting for the best swell or start riding the waves. What matters is that you atleast make a sincere, sustained, persistent and serious attempt. Just look around you. There is so much clutter. Do you need that in your life? Remove the clutter inside you and the outside will start clearing itself. Remove the clutter outside you and your inner cleansing will begin automatically. Live your own life with others, but not induced by them. Your own version. You will be amazed at the discovery of your own truth. It will leave you flabbergasted, spellbound, dumbfounded and completely fulfilled. You will stand delivered.
This life is like a long drive. There may be some diversions along the way, some stop signs, a probable speeding ticket (or two), some traffic slow-downs, some beautiful scenes along the way, a couple of pit stops, sometimes a breakdown too…you keep moving till you get to the destination and then you want to get back home. You come to understand that getting to the destination was not as important as enjoying the ride for a destination is merely another stop. Go on enjoy! But by turning inwards. The drive outside is an illusion, the one inside could not be more real. The one outside is like traffic moving around you whereas the one inside is you driving your own car. You can change course and drive off-peak hours or take a different motorway with much less traffic. The decisions you make inside will change the world outside you. I would like to bring the subject matter to a close for now before this email turns into a scroll. After I complete a couple of outstanding action items, I shall see you all. That should take place within this year. The two dates I have in mind presently are 9-10-11 (9 Oct) or 11-11-11 (11 Nov). That’s almost an entire year earlier than I had communicated earlier. I am looking forward to see you all and I am thankful to you all. I have got what I wanted. Upon getting it I realized I am what I wanted. Upon such realization it dawned on me that I am the realization. There was no I either thereupon. I will write to you again in the next few weeks. And I will certainly single out the date by August end and will communicate accordingly.
I wish you all peace. Please expect to hear from me again soon.
Please forward this message to all those who have expressed the desire to be included in the recipients list and to all those who you believe may be benefited by it in any way.
[Originally written as an email]