While our lives revolve around our relationships, few of us actually devote time to understanding relationships. What is the nature of a relationship? Why is it formed? What brings two people together? The video following the summation discusses these aspects in detail including how the first step to understanding relationships is understanding ourselves.


If you know yourself, you will always understand others better. And if you can understand others, there will only be one thing left in your relationships, and that is harmony.

Here is a discourse for you on understanding relationships. Following is an excerpt from the opening lines of the discourse:

For most people, their life revolves around relationships but an overwhelming majority are not happy with the state of their relationships. This discourse covers the spiritual side as well as the practical side. What is a relationship? Is it a transaction of convenience? Of needs? Of desires? Or is it a bond? A bond of love. Does a relationship come about because there is a bond or because there is a need?

In other words, is it because of the bond that people share common needs and therefore a relationship, or is it because of the needs that they get into a relationship and form a bond? The notion in the west is somewhat different to what is in the east. You may want to read about the secret of a good relationship. 



Hare Krishna.
Swami

 

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Relationships are the bedrock of a human life. So, why is understanding relationships a phenomenon that so many of us struggle with? Shouldn’t it be a basic learning, like our alphabet or numbers? The questions below throw light on the complex nature of relationships and what we can do to master its workings.
I have difficulty understanding relationships in my life and their purpose. Everything feels meaningless. What should I do?

Why do people get into relationships, get married, have kids, engage in endless pursuits, lead their life as if clockwork, go around in circles, compete in the rat race? Most people are not living but just getting by. They are drawing random figures because either they do not know the answer or they simply have the wrong question paper at hand. They could be doing what they love, if not all the time, at least most of the time.

The fact is a vast majority do not sit down and ask themselves what it is that they want from their life; they ignore their calling, their inner voice. When they have not yet understood themselves, how is understanding relationships possible? Read more here.


While understanding relationships is tough, I have struggled the most in my marriage. How do I know whether to move on or stay in it?

Almost all couples go through at least one phase of crisis in their marital relationship. The nature of the relationship is such that episodes of deep conflict appear natural and can lead to a broken marriage. If you two can stay together during that difficult phase, there is very little probability of ever separating thereafter.

A pertinent question is how do you know if your marriage can work? Should you be putting your effort to try and pull on, or move on instead? There is no definitive answer as each individual is unique and each marriage, a little different. I can, however, offer you five analogies, metaphors if you will, of a broken marriage. These may also help in understanding relationships other than marriage. Read more here.


If I must understand myself before understanding relationships, how do I begin to know myself?

Before you can develop a personal ecosystem, you need to spend time analyzing yourself. Know what is hot from what is not for you. Understand what triggers disagreeable reactions in you and what prompts the right actions from you. You need to know what makes you tick from what turns you sick.

Since you are the one who is affected, this intellectual exercise focuses entirely on you. Do not go down the binge road or attempt to change anything in others. Understanding relationships comes much later. You are the subject, object, cause, and outcome we are concerned with. Once you start to know yourself, even if only intellectually at this stage, you are ready to synthesize. Read more here.


What is the primary problem in all relationships?

Either you feel you are doing more than you bargained for and the other person is not acknowledging or that the other person is doing less than they signed up for and therefore not acting responsibly. In any case, at the root is the feeling I’m being taken for granted or that I’m not being appreciated. This is generally the chief cause of trouble in all relationships. Knowing this is the key to understanding relationships.

What if we turned the tables? Maybe if I changed my perspective on charity, compassion and serving others, most of my problems might disappear. 
Read more here.


Can understanding relationships and sustaining them be difficult due to childhood trauma?

When two parents can’t get their act together for whatever reason, however plausible or preposterous, one of the parents start to look up to their child for comfort and emotional support. But a child who is growing up is not ready to take on that burden yet. Always comforting his mother, he has to play the role of a father, an adult. And, this causes irreparable damage to a child’s understanding of himself, of this world, and of his own personal relationships in times to come.

Later on, such children may succeed in their careers, they may win international laurels, they may be accomplished scientists, but their ability to have a functional relationship often remains greatly impaired. Why? Understanding relationships is now greatly challenging. Read more here.


When it comes to understanding relationships, why do some people love me and some hate me?

People do not love you or hate you. It is not actually about you. It is not “who” they love, it is “what” they love, it is not “who” they want, it is “what” they want. They are not after you, they are after what you have in you. This is Basic 101 in understanding relationships.

When you are no longer able to offer what they want or when they no more want what you have, their love starts to fade away. This is why people can grow out of relationships. Read more here. Read more here.


What is the first thing to know in understanding relationships?

When you make someone feel special, you create a special bond with that person, your relationship and the leverage you have from it becomes special, it is a sign of love, of care, you automatically solicit positive emotions from the other person.

If you love yourself, you will find it easy to love others, if you feel important, you will make others feel the same. We make others feel what we truly are ourselves, deep within. If understanding relationships is not your forte, begin by understanding yourself.

If you want to feel all that you are not presently, all you have to do is start giving it to others, Nature will reciprocate. Read more here.