A boy, feeling ecstatic that he will finally get to see his mom after a whole year to feeling utterly sad that he has to leave her. That kid was me. This was my summer experience, changing from extreme excitement and joy to awful dullness and dejection, all within 45 days.

Back in 2004, when I was 3 years old, my Dad brought me with him to New Delhi for my education. I don’t have any recollection of that time, but before writing this post, I asked my mom how she felt. She told me and I quote ” hum ro rahe the aur kya, tu khushi khushi papa ke piche bhaag raha tha”. I know, I couldn’t believe it either so I asked I must be a little sad, or did I even had any idea, to which she said ” tu chota hi tha; padhai ke liye tujhe bhejna pada par akhir me hua kuchh bhi nahi tera( she said this jokingly I think), waise itne chhote bacche ko humne bewajah bhej dia”.

Our village is in Ranikhet, Uttrakhand, where my late grandparents had agricultural land and property. From all the information that I have, I can basically pin it down to two reasons so as to why my mom didn’t come with me: first is that she had to take care of my grandparents because they refused to move to Delhi, which is also the major one, and the second was our financial state.

My dad and I were to live with my tauji(dad’s older brother)  and taiji and their two kids, my cousins. I am very close to them. I call two people mummy and one of them is my taiji. When I was about 8, my younger brother who was then 4 came to Delhi as well, dad and chacha( his younger brother) started living together. I then went on to grow up with my chachi, my brother, and my two adorable little sisters(cousins). We still live together, although, now on separate floors.

Although, I did miss my mom every second of every day for as long as I can remember, both my taiji and chachi were awesome. All I can say is that I would have been in a lot more pain if they weren’t there, taking care of me and my brother just like our mother.

Now coming to the story, every summer, we used to get holiday homework. I would get a window of about a week or so to complete my entire work and then help the three little rats to complete theirs. I would eagerly wait, counting days, till we left for my village. I loved everything about that whole process especially the journey. We would finally arrive at the small shop from where my village starts. I would race my brother to my mom and would beat him every time, I had a ‘slight’ advantage; of being double his height, not much though, right?

She would hug me tightly and then I would go on to cherish the entire summer at my village playing with my friends and living with my mom. After all, I did wait for the past 320 days, to spend those 45 days with her. They were without argument, the best days for me throughout the entire year. 

I didn’t really like the last few days of the holidays because I knew, now I would have to go back to my life where she wasn’t there with me. It was a scary feeling and I felt like puking. But finally, on the departing day, we all would head back to the shop, but my grandparents and my mom wouldn’t come with us to Delhi.

I remember crying a lot when I was young but after my brother came with me, I would force myself to not cry otherwise he would cry even more. The journey back was one of the most depressing experiences of my life. After reaching Delhi, I would feel extreme sadness for some weeks but then the pain would gradually numb down as I had to catch up with school too. I would talk to her on phone every night before going to sleep. I didn’t really talk to many people during this phase at all. 

Although I did sum up how I felt majorly, I can’t explain all my feelings and small incidents, otherwise, this post would be way too long.

This process went on every year till I was 15 when my mom finally came to live with us. I have spent my entire childhood and half of adolescence away from her. I am tearing up while writing this.

I love my mom so much.

This entire experience has had a strong impact on who I am and I am glad I could share it with you guys.

Thank you!

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Charu Joshi

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