Before I begin this post, I want to thank you, all the community members on os.me who write, read and comment on the posts. This, by far is the most wonderful company I’ve had and the kindest words I’ve felt. I believe that all of us feel this way: that we are the members of a very special family. So please do give yourselves a warm hug on my behalf, sending lots of love your way 😀
Having faith in a deity is more special than any other faith you may have, as it gives you an anchor. A strong anchor to hold on to life and sail through the cruelest storms. It gives you strength (in abundance ) and ability to love and forgive. I believe that this ability in particular is a very hard one to have but devotion gives you that access to the never ending ocean of love. Sometimes I have a laugh thinking about the time when I was an atheist 😀
This post is on the way of devotion, which is one the ways but not the only way 🙂
This is about my Maa (Maha Kali) and my Shiva, A letter to them from the depths of my heart
I surrender my thoughts and my being at your feet as if anyone ever had a peek in my heart the only truth they will find is you.
Thank you for giving me the love I never thought I was worthy of .
Dear Shiva, my Gurudev, my father, my best-est friend Thank you for being with me, for listening to my blabbering and responding to them :). I know we started off with just the Guru-disciple bond for I thought that the father of Yoga should be worshiped before I start meditating. At that time to be honest I did it as a ritual, I had no idea that you were actually real 😀 from there to guiding me through every step of my life from being my Guru you became my father, and then best friend. I hoped to hold on to your little finger but you lovingly took me in your arms. With your arrival, things that held me back lost their grip on me. You were the Maha Kaal to the toxic tendencies that hovered on my fate. During the Maha Mrityunjaya japas , with every word of the mantra I felt the power you hold, the power that changed me forever. I’d rather say that you invaded my life 😛 but that was probably the best thing happened to me.
‘Maa’, there are no words that can be compared to it , it is a word and honor in itself. You came to me when I needed strength, when I needed to feel the feminine power that lived in me, when I was in excruciating emotional pain and dreaded closing my eyes at night fearing that those brutal dreams might come back. With every round of your mantra dear Maa, pain left my body bit by bit, and was replaced by insight and Knowledge and truth. I guess I get my fearlessness from you 😛 you are my inspiration and my ideal. You are different from your images we find on this technology called internet today, you are not fierce at all, from what I have felt, you have the softest heart !
I won’t say that I can feel the truth properly now, I am still too ignorant and insignificant and no great Tapasvi, but it was you who made me see it that you are everywhere, from the feathers of a sparrow to the leaves of a tree from the air I breathe to every cell in my body. It’s you, from the pages of my notebook to the walls of my home ,It’s all you ! Where is the place left for me or for this universe to exist? Krishna said “you only need love to see god” But I am so ecstatic that I can’t clearly tell, is it love? is it devotion? Is it surrender? Is it mere imagination? whatever it is , it is an ocean of pure bliss, of immense satisfaction.
A few nights before I was talking to maa about some incident where I felt that I was wronged but an inner voice suddenly answered “Now that’s your ego talking” . Sometimes we know that it’s our voice and that we were talking to ourselves but this wasn’t like that, this was a completely independent voice. Talk to her, she listens, she responds, she protects.
Whatever is in your hands work hard for it, whatever isn’t trust me and leave it to her, she will take care of it.
She takes out her tongue and drinks the drops of pain and suffering before it touches the surface of my heart and multiplies. I have surrendered my thoughts to her, well, there was nothing to surrender she is the empress mother and we all already belong to her !