I recently started to work on my behavioural patterns and knee-jerk reactions. As Swami Ji says, “To elevate one’s consciousness it is imperative for one to get rid of the old restive tendencies of the mind.”
I totally vouched for the concept of an eye for an eye and subscribed to the idea of poetic justice. If anyone wronged me (or so I thought) then I would wrack my brains to find ways of getting back at them. But in the last few weeks, I’ve been conscious, in my mind, reinforcing the idea of not returning a negative emotion with a negative one. It goes without saying that I wasn’t able to restrain myself every time but I did notice my mistake every time and made a mental note of it.
However, to keep myself motivated in the task, I needed to see some progress. I often kept wondering if I am actually getting rid of my old tendencies or going on an ego trip by thinking, “Oh! I’m taking the moral high ground, I must be such a good person!” My questions were answered soon in my dreams.
Dreams are a product of our subconscious mind. I believe the subconscious displays the truest version of ourselves. In the waking world, we may get away from something by lying to ourselves. But doing that is incredibly difficult with your subconscious self unless you really consider that lie to be the truth. I am a vivid dreamer and on most days I remember my dreams even after I wake up.
I eventually forget the dreams as I go through my day but if I think about a dream a few times after waking up then I’ll remember it for good. Yesterday in my dream, I was talking to a friend and she did something mean to me so I wanted to get back at her. And as soon as I was about to make a vengeful move, I said to myself that “tit for tat is not the way to go about things.” And then I just let the matter slide.
I was pleased when I woke up and remembered this dream. I knew my efforts weren’t going in vain and that I was changing myself, one habit at a time. If I could stop myself from a knee-jerk reaction in my dream then I’ve actually gotten a hold of myself in reality as well. I absolutely do not wish to become complacent because of this one dream but it’s always fun to see some sign of progress.
Self-purification is a tedious and painfully long process when you think about it but when you start doing it, you’ll find it more enjoyable than you’d think.
I hope you liked reading this little snippet from my life. Thank you for giving me your time.