It’s been a while since I wrote. Honestly speaking at the moment, I neither have the energy nor the will to write. But writing I am. There might be mistakes when I write today on account of various reasons which you will eventually know. 

I stay in Delhi alone on account of my professional engagements. I have been away from my birthplace since a decade now. The last three weeks have been overwhelming to say the least. I was extremely happy on account of visiting the ashram in the last week of March, 2022 and getting the blessings of Swami ji. No sooner did I leave the ashram to return to Delhi, did I fall sick the entire time during my travel. Infact I fell sick in the ashram too and had to contact the Dispensary in the ashram who was extremely kind, compassionate and helpful. After I returned, the next 4 – 5 days was extremely difficult for me. When one stays alone, neither can they depend on anyone to give them a glass of water when they are sick nor will someone be there to help you in your day to day activities like for instance to check on you when you are in the washroom when you are sick. Truth be told, if I faint and fall in the washroom or elsewhere nobody will come to know. Nevertheless I overcame the difficulty and was wanting to start a new chapter from the month of April, 2022. Only one who has met Swami will know that once you meet Swami you are never the same person again. Having said that I don’t claim to not have made mistakes post meeting him. The mistakes were mostly on uncontrollable negative thoughts and not being able to manage the same.  My journey to purify myself is on. 

At the present moment, I feel completely overwhelmed and not getting sleep even though I want to. I have been up since 5 in the morning  . Many of you who are spiritually uplifted would most certainly say who wants to sleep at 5 am unless you are absolutely lazy as a person. True that, except that everyone is on their own journey and we ought not to judge a person because each of us are fighting our own battles. 

The last 2.5 weeks have been extremely painful for me. More particularly the last 2 weeks. I have not been able to work at all. The weather here has been 42° on a daily basis and I did not have a Air Conditioner at my disposal. I took a bath 3 times a day – no I am not lying. A morning bath, an evening bath and a night bath. I would stay awake till 3 am as there was no respite even post bath. The entire day I would keep the windows closed. The weather has been such that your skin gets more dry than what it is in the winters. I have never in my life had to apply a body moisturiser almost 3 times a day along with a blob of Vaseline on my lips. All throughout the day I would be able to do zero work and remained filled with anxiety and face this temperature day in day out. The night was no different. This issue has got resolved 2 days back by the grace of Swami ji. 

My househelp stopped coming since last week on account of certain personal issues in her life (death of her in laws – to be fair according to her they both were over 100 years old – Yes I am not kidding). There is nobody to clean my apartment, to cook for me, to wash my clothes and do the dishes. Anyone who is working and a single woman will know the difficulty. She gave a replacement who never turned up. I managed someone who again came one day and stopped coming the next day. To be honest, I am the most chilled out person when it comes to househelps, office staff and guards. I treat them with respect and take care of them to the best of my ability. 

My home is a mess. I developed fever since yesterday. Probably because I was surviving the hot weather for long and the sudden Air Conditioner led to this issue. I am lying down and find it difficult to get up to get a glass of water or to do the dishes. My headache is excruciating. My mom is caring and my mother and me speak frequently throughout the day. However, in the recent times, all the members of my family are too busy (usually only my mom calls everyday and not the others). As someone living alone, one will know the difficulty when you have noone to reach out to in case of personal troubles. One may ask what about friends, people I know through work etc?. To be honest, the profession I am in, no one cares for the other person and as far as friends are concerned, I am mostly not invited to their events as they know that I don’t drink, smoke or take other not so good stuff. I don’t enjoy following the crowd just to fit in. Infact even though I am a Bengali, I am pure vegetarian and avoid onion and garlic as well. 

I had lots of work to do while being at home. I thought once the weather is tackled, I will get back to my work. To my utter dismay, I neither have the physical or mental ability to do anything nor is there anyone here to help me out. I don’t know where I will manage my next meal from. I cooked at 1 am yesterday. 

Many would say why would you write stating your problems when you are sick – is it to hear good words from those on the platform? To be honest, the answer is No. I am not seeking sympathy or empathy for that matter.  I am not on Social Media for a reason because I am uncomfortable sharing about my life on a day to day basis.  Having said that this platform helps flush out what is inside of you and troubling you. 

For all the men and women out there who stay alone. Have faith and stay strong. If I can manage, you too can. 

Can’t write anymore. See you all. 

Jai Shri Hari! 

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Mahamaya Chatterjee

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