I was not studying or doing anything productive at all for so many days (more than a month). It was very important for me to show myself that I could do better than that. That was the reason why I decided to take this Sankalpa. Now, let me share with you my 100 days journey. I will divide it into three parts.
The START: The first 10 to 20 days
There was a strong sense of fear that was keeping me from saying the words ” I take this Sankalpa…”. Maybe it was because of my past experiences or maybe something else, so I decided that I will write down my thoughts and feelings on a paper and analyze it. The fear was mainly of failure. I couldn’t get myself to commit because subconsciously my mind was saying ” You know you will fail, you always have, why do you want to board the Titanic? “. But writing my thoughts down helped tremendously, and I started coming up with counterarguments to all the “don’t do it, you’ll fail” thoughts.
I decided that even if I fail, I will use it as a tool to improve, rather than quitting altogether. My main aim was to see through the entire 100 days. All my Sankalpas before lacked this.
It was on the 14th of May, 2021, at 9 in the morning when I said to myself ” I take the Sankalpa that I will study for 100 days, till August 21, for 12 hours every day” in Hindi. Immediately after that, I started studying. It was shockingly difficult for me. I thought of giving up every minute and finally, after 3 hours I gave up. I remember telling myself this while laying in bed that night – ” Maybe 12 hours is way too much for me considering the fact that I was studying zero hours before this. I should take up a new Sankalpa of 8 hours tomorrow.” But I didn’t, I reminded myself that the aim is to see through the entire 100 days. With that in mind, I pulled off 6 struggling hours the next day.
It was finally on the third day when I was able to study for 12 hours. It was the best feeling ever. What seemed impossible two days ago was now achieved. The entire 15 -20 days were unstable, but it was getting easier for me to study day by day. For most of the days, I was able to study for 12 hours but there were days when I couldn’t. I saw those days as a window to improve.
I was also keeping up a journal in which I wrote how I felt when I thought of giving up. I was comparing my improvement too so that it could serve as motivation for the future. I think keeping up a journal made this journey significantly easier for me especially in the initial phase, where everything is new territory.