As a parent we all want our children to be happy. To do that we provide them everything we can in our might, be it food, comfort, luxury, pleasure, and so on. Despite our best efforts how many times we have felt that our children are not listening to us or maybe they are disrespectful to us or they are very demanding, or they are simply inconsiderate, or they don’t share things with us, or they live in their world or we feel there is a disconnect between us and them.
Today, I will try to bring a different perspective on how and why all the above happens. Children are born whole complete and worthy. When we constantly tell our children that they need to be a better version of themselves, they think that there is something wrong with them if they are as they are. They need to be something or like someone to be accepted and loved. Parents, who pick on their children or constantly nit-pick them internalize the voice of their parents. This voice forms their beliefs about themselves and they start feeling unloved and unworthy.
I still remember when my mum undermined my capabilities and my father had high hopes for me. As a child, I was living in two different worlds. I was constantly trying to prove myself to both my parents. I was living with an inner critic (voice of my mum) and was projecting myself as a thriving striving person. I hope you can imagine how chaotic my mental state would have been.
Now I like to invite you all to connect with your childhood and try to be present to your parents’ voice. Those are your first blueprints and knowingly or unknowingly you are operating with those even today. Now the question is how this unconscious conditioning affecting our children’s happiness and growth. We are telling them to look outward for their self-worth like…. you can’t simply play, you need to achieve; you can’t have a hobby, you must excel; you can’t only dream, you must dream big; you can’t only study, you must get into a reputed institute….so on and so forth. This all is coming from the place of our inner lacking. We all are sitting on a piece of emotional baggage.
Please note by saying all this, I am not telling we or our parents don’t love us, or they are evil. We are a victim of victims. They did the best which was known to them. We hurt our children because we are hurting ourselves and it is true for our parents as well. Time to change the spotlight and to turn it inwards. Change it from being the child who needs to be fixed to the thoughts we feed him. The way we nurture our children has indubitable power. A child has a hunger that only a parent can appease a thirst that only you as a parent can quench. I hope you all will become a voice of your child which will make him feel empowered even if you are not around. This heightened awareness will make them thrive in everything: how they take care of themselves, how they relate to others, tolerate differences, create, inspire, invent……and so on. Hope you will be the air they would like to breathe.

Inndu Bala
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