“For whoever has will be given more, and they will have an abundance. Whoever does not have, even what they have will be taken from them.”
This is but the irony of life especially when you are struggling with a relationship. I have written about my childhood trauma and hurt caused by my parent’s divorce in the earlier blog ‘’here’’.
I was having a void in my life and definitely I was not in great emotional health during my younger days. We all are born with some natural gifts. I too had my gifts like fairly good looks, intelligence, a love for books, a love for music, wisdom to listen, and love for elders. I had a safe home, good schools, and good health. The world saw me like this. But I couldn’t see any of these Blessings in my life. No one was there to teach me about gratitude. All I saw was my lack. All I could think about day and night was my lack.
Whenever I had time I would relax with a book on the wooden easy chair of my Gramps and daydream about a knight in shining armor who would come riding on a horse and save me from the place of miseries. I deserved it after all I miss a lot of things in my life. But what I saw around me was something different. Something unjustifiable. I saw people who are average in studies getting UPSC selections, those who are less romantic getting exceptional boyfriends, those who came from poor families going abroad and making money, etc. While I was a college topper during graduation was scaling down and couldn’t complete my post-graduation just by one paper. Adding to that I was attracting miserable relationships too.
God was truly being partial! He was bent upon giving more to people who are seen less at temples and churches! But I wouldn’t stop praying. But I was lacking one thing. Gratitude and self-love.
I always thought everything I lacked was in the hands of another person and he will come and save me. I shied away from taking responsibility for my happiness.
I married a professional and loving person, but the innate lack would never leave me. He had everything. Social respect, a great career, and loving family support. I was never encouraged to work nor have financial freedom. This led to bitterness in our life.
This was good!
What about me?
Who was responsible?
I would say, this goes back to my childhood and the sense of lack that always filled my mind.
I wanted to be whole.
I wanted stability.
I wanted happiness.
I wanted freedom.
I wanted companionship.
I cried, prayed, and struggled for all these ‘wants’!
Please note the highlight here is want. And God gave me more of that! ‘’ Those who have will be given more ‘’.
Instead of fretting and struggling with escapism and wanting more, I could have been grateful for the gifts I had in my life. I could have been grateful for my Gramps, the love, and the beauty which surrounded me and concentrated only on my studies and career
The POV here is, to find your gifts to be grateful first before thinking about a relationship or marriage. Chances are you will be more fulfilled. This is the only way to succeed. Be it a relationship or career or anything else.
Let me sum up today with a much-needed solace for everyone who is ‘struggling with relationships’ with this quote taken from good reads:
“We’re all seeking that special person who is right for us. But if you’ve been through enough relationships, you begin to suspect there’s no right person, just different flavors of wrong. Why is this? Because you yourself are wrong in some way, and you seek out partners who are wrong in some complementary way. But it takes a lot of living to grow fully into your own wrongness. And it isn’t until you finally run up against your deepest demons, your unsolvable problems—the ones that make you truly who you are—that we’re ready to find a lifelong mate. Only then do you finally know what you’re looking for? You’re looking for the wrong person. But not just any wrong person: it’s got to be the right wrong person—someone you lovingly gaze upon and think, “This is the problem I want to have.”
I will find that special person who is wrong for me in just the right way.”
― Andrew Boyd, Daily Afflictions: The Agony of Being Connected to Everything in the Universe
Don’t stop praying, because
God manifests at the true call of a devotee.
Truthfulness, purity, persistence, devotion, and resolve are the key factors.