I was born as a chubby girl. My mom actually struggled to find a right size dress for me.

Most of them were tight to me or used to tear apart especially near my shoulder and neck, as I had double chin, or wait may be I had no chin, only neck.😄

So I used to wear dresses which were almost double my size, a habit still stuck with me. I love big loose clothes.

Welcome teenage , I became slim, not because I was turning into a beautiful princess but because I suffered from typhoid, that too thrice. But within I was happy that I am no more fatty.

And like any teenager I ignored all the health advice given by my parents. I skipped breakfast for 3 good years of my bachelors, ate all junk from canteen- samosas and momos are still something to die for …I am craving them now…🙄

Then I started working and obviously health took a back seat. Hum jawan hain humein kya hoga.😁

Then got married with someone who loved me unconditionally, means never stopped me from eating whatever I wanted (I used to finish one large serving of fried rice, one whole red snapper fish and all the stir fried veggies) yeah…that used to be my appetite.🙈. Now please don’t judge me. 

As life started to move, my weight started to accompany that move too…from 52 kgs I reached to 70 in 8 years. I wish that could be termed as some kind of achievement in any dictionary.🤔

Then I delivered a beautiful soul in 2015 and weighed at 85 kgs….i was swelling up like hot air balloon, but this husband was like- baby I still love you…you are perfect for me..i will love you in all size and form…❤

It was consoling but somewhere deep within now I was not happy, from medium size to xxl was too much. I stopped buying dresses, as  good brands didn’t have size for me…and it was embarrassing to go to trial room and return all the dresses I used to try because they used to be tight from some or the other way.

By that time swami ji had entered my life and I thought let me meditate and get some peace, I had given up all hopes of loosing weight.

Wait, that doesn’t mean I didn’t try. I joined gym (only to withdraw within 10 days, didn’t even take back my security deposit), jogged and walked in mountains-treadmills, practiced yoga, .

Even joined a health wellness centre – they asked what is your goal, I said I want my collar bones to be visible as it’s been years I have not seen them. The counsellor obviously laughed and his smile made me realise what he was thinking- ab jakar mila hai asli bakra😂

Left that centre too as it was “naam bade aur darshan chote.”

All efforts were going in vain because I had ruined my hormonal system and metabolism due to all the ignorant thing I did in my college and working days. here. 

When my mother in law expired in 2019 December, I thought I am now free to take care of my body. (She was bed ridden for 2 years and I was the only one taking care of her along with my infant baby. It was physically and mentally draining).

Came January 2020 and I saw initiation form opened. I filled it in hurry with teary eyes (as I had to rush to ghat from my hotel in Haridwar for asthi visrajan of my MIL).

And then a thought came suddenly, will you go and meet swami ji like this Moti aurat😡, he will reject you because you can not even sit for mediation in proper posture due to so much weight. I literally cried that day.

As always he heard me, (no no, he didn’t accept initiation request) and in one blog post he mentioned that health is of utmost importance , even than mediation and Sadhna.

That hit me hard, not because health was priority,  but because mediation can take a backseat (as if I was an intense practitioner 😹lolz)

Finally , after a severe depression due to some issues, on April 20th, 2020 I decided, it is enough and now I will take care of this body, will handle soul later.

I had no medical issues luckily, except low cholesterol, (Doctor was happy that I may be the only lady in my early 30s who has low cholesterol), which cause some knee pain here and there.

My Knee pain is genetic too..my grandmother, dad, uncle, brother…we all have inherited all that..i wish I could have inherited something better ….🤔

Anyways, so my workout journey started and it was by using my own body weight, without gym and without trainer. I had done yoga for 2 years due to my back injury so I found I was still flexible . So it was in my favour.

So if you guys have made it this far…thanks from the bottom of my heart to give your precious time.🙏

So the next few lines will be in the same speed when cassettes used to get stuck in the recorder in fast forward mode (Sorry Gen Y, you may not be aware of this privilege).

So currently I have worked out successfully almost 29 days of every month and weigh 75kg from 84 kg (i know i know it is a slow progress, that because i love my food ).

Still I need to lose 10 kgs to be my ideal weight but I am not in hurry. This is my lifestyle change now and I am happy with the positive changes in my body.

Currently I am working on getting abs.

No no, don’t be mistaken, I still have a big and round hanging belly which is going to hang on here for a long time I know.🐧

But I am putting this effort so that when that tummy fat will melt my abs will become visible immediately, exactly in a manner when island appears out of nowhere when sea water recedes…

And another goal is to have sharp jawline and toned biceps like Swamiji. ….am I asking too much..🙃

If anyone is skinny please contact me…I am very kind..i can happily share my fat and curves with you people…🤗

Thanks for you time.

PS: btw if any one of you meet me personally and don’t find me fit enough,  blame it all on carbs in Indian food and sweets because I cannot part with them.

Image by Vidmir Raic from Pixabay

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Shalini Pandey

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