As I sat in the balcony of my room at The Sri Bhadrika Ashram, a fleet of thoughts overtook me. Were they ‘realisations’, or ‘theories’, I know not. Or were they just various haphazard conversations with the self ? Various incomplete divulgence, or disorganised answers? I was still trying to decipher whether I would find some meaning in these, when my gaze shifted to the river flowing a few metres below, in the valley.
At places it flowed unabated, and then there were points where white foam formed as it encountered rocks of different sizes. Obstructions or not, boulders or non, it continued unfazed. My vision, still trying to capture it’s journey, was politely hazed over by a veil of dust which gently rose up between ‘us’, caused by the construction below.
My thoughts returned to the book of Om Swami I had finished reading the night before, ‘The Book Of Kindnesses’. It felt as if He gave wings to a lot of my thoughts. The weave He had created had caused a calm to descend on my own confused incomplete dilemma.
The opposite of ‘kindnesses’ is not ‘unkindness’, but ‘No Kindness’, hmmm, never looked at it that way…..
And then to ponder on charity. I have always been grateful that a little happens through me. I too have often told myself that I am only an instrument, a medium through which it happens. Am not the doer, as Swamiji mentions.
Then as my thoughts meandered along with the river, it struck me how many times one feels a little pride creep up when one loosens the purse strings. A little twinge of it, at least. But the river here was showing me it’s magnanimity, the mountains theirs, and the bees; the trees laden with fruit silently stood offering their gifts. I was humbled by the generosity of nature, by it’s love; and the silence in which it is done…..
Then again why does modesty give way to the ‘ego’? The ‘Giver’, is someone else. The ‘Receiver’, yet another. I am just the conduit in-between. Am I not!!! Then why does the ‘Container’, in the middle, succumb to ‘Ownership’?….. I ponder…..
As the veil between the river and I dissipated, so did the one over my eyes and mind.
Where I might have thought I was the full chain, I am… but a link….