We sent our parents to their native village during corona so that they remains safe, as my mom is heart patient and diabetic too.

Meanwhile they decided to utilize this time by constructing a new house. So the process started and as expected lot of doubts, questions   confusions and dilemmas made their way.

Just a few days back, there was some technical issue reagrding the size and height of a pillar.

My husband, (who has already constructed two houses independently)  gave his suggestion, then my dad took suggestion from his friends, contractor, then his brother, then his son , then strangers and the list goes on…😆

So obviously he got confused and that made my mother unhappy as she had some other valid suggestion.

Finally dad called me and said, bit angrily “tell your mom not to intervene as she has no idea of constructing a house”.

( They had already fought over it)

I love my father unconditionally and trust him blindly too. So i too got angry that why mom is intervening unnecessarily. 

I called her up and asked her to stay away from technical issues. So she politely gave me her perspective and that made me think….yeah she has valid point. So i hung up and immediately called my father that Mom has a point. 

He got super angry (male ego u see 😄) and said i don’t want to talk to you both anymore and cut the call.

I too felt bad and hurt and called my mom back and said…i will not help you guys in anyway…make your house the way u want..i have nothing to do with it. (Like father my ego too came in action 😁)

Finally my brother called my husband and said “samjhao shalini ko aise baat nahi karte…mahaual kharaab hota hai”....i shouted on him too snatching phone from my husband. 

So finally my brother made a video conference call with dad, my hubby and my mom and that technical issue of construction got sorted out. 

I and my father didn’t speak to each other during that call.

I felt hurt and unwanted. In 2 mins my phone screen showed- Dad calling.

I picked up the phone and said – hello

“I am sorry beta, i was too stressed and busy that i couldn’t understand your views and over reacted”, was his first line and i was into tears. (In reality i cried like a small baby😔 )

I too aplogised for my anger and insensitive behavior that i could not understand what all he has to face there, from materials, supplies,  dealing with labours, contractors and that too all alone.

We just said bye and cut the call.

That made me feel so small that i forgot mindfulness with my father. Coming an apology from him is something i never imagined,  as it is not normal in our culture where a father or mother will say sorry to their children. 

And here is the man who showed me how big hearted he is that he apologised to me when even i too was wrong in my act.

That day he changed something in me .

And luckily my daughter too saw all this drama and appreciated me and her Nana for being so loving.

After this incident i realised that a sincere apology can help melt our egos and work in any kind of relationship which is going through a tough time.

Well i told my dad you need to apologize to my mom too as u shouted on her and that correct technical suggestion came from her only….he smiled and hung up…typical indian male ego🙃😄. He didn’t obviously 😆

Just felt like sharing this incident as i want to know have you ever experienced similar situation with your parents where they have said sorry?

 

 

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Shalini Pandey

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