My struggle with relationships,
I realise
Is not my struggle with you
Nor is it your struggle
With me.
My struggle I realise
Is with myself.
In wanting to look good in your eyes
I put on a mask
And smile
I add my laughter to yours
Even as I question why?
I do things that
I had promised
To never do
And then wonder –
Would you have objected
Had I refused?
To have you visit on my birthdays
And I visit you on yours
To wish each other
Season’s greetings
And lend a helping hand
At times;
For those small moments of togetherness
I give up
A lifetime of me being mine.
My struggle
I realise is not with you
Nor is it with the social mores
Not even with the culture
Or the nation or the state or my home.
My struggle I realise
Is with myself.
My struggle is
In wanting to conform
In not knowing my own self
Or my desires or dislikes
In not having the courage
To ask, express, rebel, request;
In not having
The courage to take flight.
Mote after mote the pieces
Scatter
Carried away on the beams of time
Atom by atom I lose
Myself
Till I no longer know
What’s me or mine.
“I should have”, “I could have”,
“I wish”, “What if” –
Thoughts endlessly
Fill the mind
I daydream, I imagine,
I weave stories of joy
Because, at least in the stories
I don’t lie.
Photo credit: pexels-natalie-1643038.jpg
Related Q&A
1. What were your personal experiences after chanting the Lalita Sahasranama.
2. Does it take a lot of time to get the pronunciations correctly of the whole Lalita Sahasranama.
Thank you.
Dear Suchali, I can with all honesty say to you that the sacred LS is truly miraculous! Its power and potency to transform cannot be fully expressed here, but from my experience I can say that listening to it and then subsequently chanting it has completely transformed my being in every way. The more you delve into it the deeper it will take you into your own being. I will share just one instance because I feel an inner guidance to share this. I had always suffered from severe asthma since childhood and I used to use a puffer every day like 6 times and If I left anywhere without my puffer, I would suffer almost a panic attack over fear of getting an asthma attack. Even If I laugh loudly, I used to get severe asthma. Ive been regularly chanting LS for a while now and I must say that before chanting LS, I truly did not feel any connection or true love for Devi. The goddess felt more like a concept than a reality. However, after I started chanting LS, I started to feel slowly like I know Devi and I started to feel a connection with her and eventually love! One day maybe after 4-5 months after I began chanting the whole thing, somehow I was able to grasp a subtle inner truth that opened a deep clarity about my Devi's oneness with everything and everyone. At that moment I don't know how or why but I just felt that when I suffer from asthma, it is actually Devi who suffers through my body because she is one with all beings. I felt deep empathy and compassion not for me but for her. Remarkably, from that day, my asthma that had been my companion for more than 30 years just went away. Ive never used a puffer since that day! It literally miraculously went away in one day! Maybe it was just all just a sheer coincidence? You decide. Key point is that LS chanting forged a deep bond of love between me and the divine. To me it has made me connect with Devi like no other mantra before and for me it has created within me what feels like a real personal one-one relationship. Hope this helps.
In terms of how long it took, I would say about 4 months or so to memorize the whole thing. Also, dont worry about making mistakes in chanting her names. If you focus on getting the heart right, Devi will help you with getting the names right 😉. Heart is more important.
Namaste 🙏
From few nights I'm suffering from a wierd phenomenon that in my dream i see that I'm killing demons and devils in my dream. Sometimes i wake up suddenly in the night because of fear of bad dream. Kindly help me in this issue. I am doing meditation of god but why i see these types of things in my dream.
Thanking you 🌻
Dear Apoorv ji, most of the dreams are like karmic cleansing. Don't give much importance to them, if some dream is of significant importance, your inner voice will tell you. On spiritual path, through meditation, we bring deeper layers of mind on surface. See, there are a lot of images stored in there, by lot I mean LOTS AND LOTS. Sometimes, some images come to surface as dream, it's fine, it's just a cleansing process. Stay calm and watch, it will eventually pass. Please don't form unnecessary positive or negative thought process or theory out of those dreams unless it's really your inner voice, unless you are guaranteed that your inner voice is guiding and not your limited and conditioned mind. If you form too much thought process, it will create unnecessary distractions. Just keep walking your path persistently. Don't be afraid.
It once happened with me that I had terrible nightmares, intensely terrible ones, the worst ones of my life, for few days. I have never had more frightening nightmares than those. Let them come and pass, whatever it is, good or bad. Once it is cleared, your meditation will deeper.
On a side note, it's good to have bad dreams, believe me. For example, if a dog bites you in dream, then pain felt in dream is same as pain felt in reality. So the karma which you were going to experience in real life as dog bite, you experienced in dream. And so, one karma gets cleared so easily. Remember, most of the dreams help in karmic cleansing. Some may even be some guidance, ask yourself, try to listen to your heart.
Take care, ensure that you take good sleep during days of intense dreams. Hope this helps🙏
What does 'Karma is a boomerang' mean? I often come across this phrase and I wonder in what context do they use this phrase? Karma is a term described as "deserved reward or punishment in the next life or rebirth." It's also used to describe one's worldview. So, what does it mean for Karma to be a boomerang? Does anyone know? Thank you
Dear Manish, according to me, both punya and bad karma at the end of the day are still binding in their essence.
To use a currency analogy, they both cause you to accumulate debt in one way or another. The true goal of spiritual sadhana is to be completely free of all debt be it good/bad. In my experience, I have found that money sometimes can also be used to bring down your karmic debts and move towards freedom. However, most peoples egos will very strongly fight against what I am about to suggest.
Please consider this question truthfully within yourself and you will start to see the binding nature of even good karma.
Lets say you would like to donate 10 lakhs to a temple or towards feeding the poor or helping some underprivileged children with schooling. Would you be willing to donate it anonymously without any recognition? Can you help someone with your money but the catch is that they can never know who helped them or who you are or give you any sort of personal recognition for it except maybe wishing you well in their mind alone? All of us are capable of offering a small amount of money or a small gesture of kindness anonymously, but when it comes to larger amounts or larger gestures our mind craves some personal recognition doesn't it?
When you are able to donate money or offer your services without looking for personal recognition, in such circumstances, I have personally for myself felt that the result of that action goes towards your freedom as opposed to initiating further karmic consequences, even if they are good ones.
Goal is to be free...keep that in mind always 🙂
God resides in hearts that are brimming with purity.
It's a question that has been on my mind for quite some time, so let me ask you beautiful people, what does purity of the heart mean, according to you?:)
For me purity of the heart means being child like. Being quick in finding joy in something as simple as a 1 rupee candy. And just as quick in moving on from hurt and anger and not harbouring any feelings of hatred or grudge towards anyone. Children are hurt easily, they forget easily and they rejoice even more easily. Just playing along with the world.
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