*It was a chilly winter morning. Bahurani (daughter-in-law) drew open the heavy curtains. Gazing out through the glass window she enjoyed her hot morning coffee. The same evening, father-in-law had a bad cold. Someone had spotted Bahurani at the window; and it was assumed that she must have unlocked it, inviting the cold air inside, which made father-in-law sick; but Bahurani denied the allegations of unlocking the window.
*Sis-in-law was in an awful mood. She was sulking in anger as no one had appreciated her dress at the party. She was furious. Bahurani had not mentioned that she did not look pretty before she left for the party. When Sis-in-law emptied out her frustration on Bahurani, she was left speechless.
*Uncle Ji’s scooter is not running smoothly. Bahurani had borrowed it to visit the store to buy some groceries. Everyone is now suspicious that she messed up with the two-wheeler. But Bahurani is caught up with a different issue; she now doubts herself, hearing everyone say that she does not know how to ride a scooter.
*Hubby started off his day grumbling about Bahurani’s carelessness; she was late to collect his clothes from the laundry whilst getting back from work.
*The neighbor’s cat invaded the kitchen and dropped the milk. Now it’s a hot discussion in the house as to how Bahurani neglects her duties of minding the house.
*The children are spending plenty of time in the washroom. The family feels that Bahurani does not invest a decent amount of time in training her kids.
And the list goes on and on…..And they blame bahurani for the wrong she has done, which she rightfully accepts; and for the offense she has not done, which she finds painful accepting.
But why is bahurani enduring all this?
1) On the wedding day, her mother gave her clear instructions to respect and not back answer anyone in the house. Her mother herself had spent her entire life on this path. It was like, be a dumb cow and just don’t revolt. Try to be understanding at all times and do not argue. A few years, bahurani mutely accepted the criticism, assuming it was a part of her married life.
2) But as days passed by, she felt suffocated in this awful situation. So whenever someone blamed her for something she was not responsible for, she asked for an explanation. But nobody took her seriously.
She understood that because of her lax nature all this while, people had got the power to exploit her. So whenever an issue was raised where Bahurani was criticized and she demanded a reason, nobody bothered to offer her a clarification.
3) As time passed by, her irritation and frustration increased, and she started losing her temper. She would grow violent; she would shout and scream, she could tolerate no one, blaming her for no reason. Looking at her aggressive state, and understanding that something is really wrong with Bahurani, some family members would avoid upsetting her.
4) But there were few who were not bothered that Bahurani was troubled and continued blaming her for all wrong reasons. She tried talking to them to sort things out. But it seems like her words were not entering their head or even reaching their ears; they as though belonged to a completely different world where her feelings would not reach them. They seemed extremely far and detached even after staying under the same roof. Their manner of life differed greatly from hers.
Then for a long time, Bahurani kept on piling up bitterness inside her; fighting many battles, some which even the neighbors could hear and some sheltered deep within her heart.
Then one fine day it dawned upon her that the people who blamed her, were themselves deeply troubled. They were struggling with their own issues, coping with their own emotions. So stopping these people was indeed difficult as she had to move to the root cause of their problem and even if she chooses to help them, they might never listen to her.
She realized it was also their way of coping with stress. When they were stressed, they could not handle it and felt better by criticizing others.
So she decides to leave them alone. And not worry about things they say.
But living under one roof and making a blind eye, is certainly difficult. So sometimes a war of words does happen. But later she makes herself understand. That these people can’t be changed. And neither she can alone settle their issues and it is just their way of grappling with stress, and she need not take it personally.
Even though all the characters in the post are fictional, the Bahurani is very real. And she would be glad to hear from you. Do you have any suggestions for bahurani? She will be truly blessed if you support her with your valuable advice
Will you Help Bahurani to be the Real Queen?
Image: Irshad Rahimbux, Pixabay