Namaskaram Swamigaru and Namaskaram to all,
Balance is the key word around which the entire universe, world rotates and revolves n exists. It is a continuous state of equilibrium. Balance is the one which is between creation(Brahma) and destruction(Shiva), and it is maintenance-balance(Vishnu). It is that between birth and death, it is life, which needs constant awareness of breath(soham/hamsa)—yoga, meditation. Balance is Tula, placed exactly in the centre of all rashis(astrology). In the mother nature(prakriti) we call it eco-system, harmony of 5 elements(panch tatva), that includes all, no ifs n buts here please(thathastu). When referred to health, one prefers balanced diet to preserve the triad(ayurvedic doshas) and prevent diseases. One can see, like what is balance when one’s son/daughter learns to walk on self, the heart of mother/father falls n rises along with the child. That is how both the parents and child learn how to balance emotions n first steps of life, respectively.
Balance is the crux, hook, grip, essence, nectar of all relations. It is between possessiveness and limitation in the relationships. Here it is not a physical balance, that, which we place equal weights on the pans on either side, to attain balance. Let me explain, there will be one person in the family who takes the whole responsibility and runs the show for smooth functioning of the family. The weight carried by that person is heaviest, i.e., the pans are never equal in weight but that person assures that end result, the outcome, achievement, which is the balance must be the normal for the show must go on.
I was in the kitchen, I heard her shouting n yelling. This was going on now n then, but Now-a-days it’s become usual n today she, my neighbor went on for >3hrs with small gaps of silence interspersed between, nearing a bit ?noise pollution. This reminded me of a short conversation we had 1 and half yrs ago. Flash back…
That day I saw her, she was watering plants, smiles greeted, hi-hellos ran into words that engaged into a talk. She said due to covid, work from home had given her time for gardening also. Immediately she questioned me “why did u leave ur job”? I knew it would come, as none missed to ask me this one. I now had learnt to“tell them what they want to hear than what i want to tell”. So casually while I gave her short film glimpse, she suddenly interrupted n said “oh that means u lost balance between job n family”.
I don’t know what happened to me at that moment, am still unable to figure out—I went point blank—felt somebody pushed me, swayed a bit, dizzy. My mouth went dry, I tried to swallow, felt lump in the throat. No, I was not crying, not a tear(am callus now). I took to senses, there she was still speaking, saying that if she quits the job she would go mad… I recollected n slowly told her let her do what suits her n best for her. We ended the conversation with all byes, see-yous.
Later I analysed my state, what had happened to me at that moment? Though the word balance was perfect word she used, a judgment word, a verdict was passed, a truth, in a way. It had come to me as a flying spear that passed though and through me. This was not first time I was a victim, that someone said something. I know I am an open target for all those who want to throw their arrows of –judgments, suggestions, hacks. They told have a cook/servants for aid, some said do a part time job instead of full time. Few were worried about my financial securities? what would I do sitting at home? One even said that I was a national waste. There was lot of discrimination, insults, criticism, sarcasm –but amidst all these I was still trying to be ok and seeing people thinking about me, I thought wow. May be that day I was sensitive and got overwhelmed. Today I silently prayed to GOD for her, no judgments/suggestions/speculation/predictions for her, never. Many out there must be like me, facing, one of u might even be reading your feelings here.
To conclude, regarding the word Balance- it’s the core, depth of understanding, empathy, the more you try to adjust it, the more weight is put on you. This happens deliberately, though not intentionally, may be you are taken for guarantee—During this, restoration of balance one needs to fix up, make choices. In fact for the welfare of family and to achieve a higher states of equilibrium, lot of compromises are to be made, at the cost of self —which are mistook for loss of balance, by others. One thing I am sure is whatever happens, happens for the best. GOD knows the need of her child and securely locate us to cleanse our karmas.
Ah, that spear of balance n many such, I let them stay in me, because it’s the truth of my life. I know somewhere if I remove it, the other one will occupy the rent. Did I master/excel it?. No, it still hurts but I have learnt to live in balance with the truth. Hope –kaalah sarva viropayati— time heals everything. thank you.