I had an arranged marriage with similar cast people who had seen 45 girls before choosing me  and then told me 45 things to improve before my marriage including wearing high necks or flat shoes or laughing like Renuka shahne or flipping my Bob cut hair like Chadda Saab of Damini movie or growing my nails and making my hands engagement freindly with fair and slim fingers( peacocks feet and my hands shape are on similar padestial) . Punjabi in U.p are called Tussi mussi people and their over loud females are considered very Tez and Laraakee to be brought as a Daughter in law to an otherwise quiet house.  Still my height ,driving skills and telephone bill submission qualities over powered my other charatestics to be the eligible candidate for U.p( Bhaiyyan according to Punjabis) family. As soon as they saw me wearing choora( red and white bangles newly wed Punjabi girls wear) and Kaleera ( a golden hanging jewelery worn on day of marriage by Punjabi bride) ,to hide my Stateality( nationality If u r Indian, statetality if u r from different state) ,they asked me to remove them for final Fera ceremony.  U may call me coward Arjun of vishaad yog or wise Eklavya who as a duty kept on doing things without fighting for peace of Family even if they were not justified. As soon as I got married I got to know my shoe make a noice while walking or the door when I close too makes a noise or when I take utensils to place in kitchen they should have zero noise! No one in my mayka knew these to teach me this. First time I got to know that not setting curd in home or eating a golgappa from a vendor is Purely Punjabi concept and u.p state women mocked Punjabi women of being too lazy and least graceful and coy. Even taking chunni ( which they called duppataa) even in front of your inlaws or it being bad manners to sit on the same bed as inlaws was a Punjabi concept. My grandfather always lived with us and I don’t remember my mother being told any of such rules, may be same culture. Even frankly talking to shopkeeper or smiling with a salesman or men relatives or elderly women relatives was considered uncouth in u.p culture! Lots of concept were unlearnt like its common to ask someone…Khaana daal doo?( should I serve u food?) In u.p khana is daal  Ed ( so u say khana lagaaa doo? ) to a dog ! Even telling  Mithaaee paree hei was most normal in all Punjabi relatives and our house but according to u.p people Mithaee is rakhi and dustbin is praaa. Small things as serving someone sweet in its box is a big no in u.p. Freinds if you had a cross cultural marriage do share your set of challenges too.

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