Don’t you know, He is no more, were the words that echoed in my very being.

I went through a momentary shock that I can’t put an adjective to. Whatever remaining in me that constituted me just blasted. Another shock in a single day, how my tiny little heart could bear it?

14 March 2019, the day I shall never forget. My manager took me to a meeting room around 3 o’ clock, to have a discussion with the HR manager. I had anticipated something scary was on my way for sure however I needed to hear it from her.

‘We are closing your position after 2 months from today. So please start looking for an opportunity within or outside the organisation. Whatever support is required will be extended well within the company boundaries’, read the paper handed over to me.

It just exploded somewhere inside. My company in a  diplomatic manner was suggesting me to find another job or another project despite working everyday a week starting 4:30 in the morning to a time beyond my shift and HR was the channel to be communicated through. Where to go? What to do? What if Anna gets to know about it? What about the loan? How will I be able to repay my debt? It’s a business and mostly such things happen in companies, but why am I so disturbed because of it? Is this something that bad to happen to a person? And so on. Series of endless questions erupted in my mind dimmed by another thought that started gripping it, “Go to Anna“, it said. Everybody calls my Dad, Anna. However, little did I know then that this was the thought that I would regret for the rest of my life for failing to act upon.

I tried to rationalize, why to go to him and nag him for no reason? You are grown up now and besides it’s your job, your career, you should be able to handle it. Why do you want to distribute your pain and want your old dad to lift the burden off your shoulders. Rather stay back, talk to friends here, see if they can help. See if anyone knows how to tackle this situation. Ramya, a friend of mine, even insisted me to go home by 4:00 pm and take some time off to ease off the blow. This was not uncommon in the corporate sector and most of the times people would get another position within those 2 months notice period. But no, I wanted to prove my professionalism, besides I needed to have referrals too.  So I stayed, without realizing why my inner self was pulling so hard and ringing constantly to ‘go to Anna’. I kept saying better not to disturb him and give him an additional burden to take care of.

Rather than going home directly that day I thought of roaming in a mall for some time, to relax. As it is the next day I needed to start preparing for interviews which I myself wasn’t sure where would they be but I had to find opportunities nonetheless. From the mall I started walking back home to hide the sobs and loud cries within. On the way I received a call from my cousin, Suraj, telling me that Anna had met with an accident. But he was alright. “He has got a few scratches but he is interacting with all of us and is doing fine”, he said.

“Thank God, he’s alright. Am I required to come to the hospital?” I asked, since I was almost home by now.

“Don’t come, we are all here. You better rush home, your mother is very disturbed and scared. She is all alone.” Suraj said.

“Alright!” I said and almost rushed because I didn’t want the entire neighborhood to gather with none being there by her side to look after. It was almost 10 pm by the time I reached home. She asked me to start chanting Durga Kavach but I excused myself saying I was tired. I started calling all my brothers to understand Anna’s progress. But no luck, either their phone was busy or they didn’t know what treatment he was provided with. Everyone was busy figuring out what to do. I then felt that I should have reached at GT hospital in CST, Mumbai. Though it was quite far from my home at Thane. Suddenly it struck me I should call Anna’s sethaji, since he stays nearby.

I was right. He was in the hospital and had gone there as soon as he knew about Anna’s accident. But unfortunately there was nothing left to talk about by this time. I called him only to hear, “Don’t you know, He is no more!“. I had sudden feeling of everything falling apart in that wary moment. I begged him to recheck with the doctor but no use, the game was over. Anna had left us, in the most unimaginable way. Person who was safeguarded from terror strikes, bomb blasts in Zaveri Bazaar had lost himself to foul play and sheer negligence of his own countrymen. What happened to him that made him to leave us was not yet clear to me. Mom was watching the TV when I got off the phone. The news of Himalaya Bridge Collapse was on.

What I was thinking and what exactly had happened  just blew me off. Anna was rushing to pick my Mom from Kurla where she was attending a baby shower of one of an acquaintance. Since, Momma never traveled by train they had planned that Dad will pick her up. But this was never going to happen. Since, while dad was crossing the bridge, the bridge itself collapsed. It was a BMC bridge. While I thought my dad could have been hurt because he was on road, he was actually on the bridge and had fallen with it. It was sheer horror to even imagine how fateful it could have been, since despite such a major accident my dad had nominal injuries. However, God knows what went wrong things just changed so fast, within few hours everything was lost for us. That day mom came home with someone else instead of my dad, thinking Dad would be late to pick her up. By the time she reached home, this was on the news but she still had no idea about what had happened.

Nothing is worse than not to even have chance to say “Good Bye!” to beloveds especially when they are absolutely healthy and the loss is most unexpected.

I know this platform might not be appropriate to share my personal pain. Instead what I want to share is that there is something within all of us, that tells us what might be the results of our moves or what should we do next. Some may say it’s higher consciousness, intuition or premonition or inner power etc. What matters is there is something within and we need to pay attention to it or attend it’s call. Because when we are doing certain things which might not be right our conscious tries to warn us. E.g. When a person who has barely lied tries lying he goes through discomfort and might mumble or faulter in some way.

All this happens because the person is doing something against his inner self. This is nothing supernatural. Everyone has this power and people who are aware about this sense know what is the meaning of what they are receiving. There is something in me that was constantly telling me to do what was right and I failed to attend that call, but I wish each one of us learns to believe in inner wisdom, hence this post.

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