My mind was drowning in these thoughts,that the handsome man opened his eyes and smiled.With a smile on his lips,he saw towards me.A life came to me.My loneliness vanished,and I felt happy.I went near him with folded hands.
He said: You are a soul but loneliness won’t scare you.
I said:O, beloved,sayI am not soul.This punishment,I can’t bear.You make me your servant and say,’You are my servant,stay with me and serve me.’I will do that,or you Pierce the arrow in my heart,I shall bear it happily and die,but don’t tell me that I am a soul.
He closed his eyes after a while,he opened his eyes and said: You are not alone.The Lord is with you.
I cried and said:You stay with me.I don’t require anybody else.You are the most beloved person.There is no one more beloved than you.I don’t want that I am a soul and lord is with me.
He said:I am a soul and Lord is with me.You are a soul and lord is with you.
Again he said: Lord is with you always.You can’t see him but he sees you.when you are sleeping,he is awake.Whatever you think,He knows.But you don’t see him nor you know him.I got further scared.I said to myself: somebody lives with me hidden,and sees all what I do.He is not visible but He sees everything.In this way,He is near but as if not near.Ah! Somehow,I should not be a soul.
If he is watching,knowing and listening to everything ,then I shall be hesitant always.I shall have to think before talking and what shall I do while thinking? I shall get drowned.
Again I told him:O beloved, I have sinned.You punish me but not to this extent.
But his eyes were closed and they didn’t open the whole day,and I was fearing, thinking,my mind fluctuating,but I kept on sitting with him.
My father came.I ran and clung to him.He was a bit sad.He became sadder after looking at my face.He tried to embrace me.I was a bit hesitant but he hurriedly pressed my head to his chest and he put his hand on my head.I started crying loudly and tears fell on his chest.
He said:I can free you from your suffering,but your love for him,I can’t do anything.
I didn’t speak.I was feeling good.I was happy.I remembered that I have to give comfort and not get comfort but I was so scared that I could not leave getting support from my father.I felt satisfied, that father has come to take me out of my loneliness.
When I told him my suffering,he laughed and said:It’s your innocence and simplicity that has become your enemy.I have brought you up in simplicity.You don’t know anything about the world or religion.You should have more awareness.From whatever he has told you,it appears he is a saint and he is not wishing to take revenge.Whatever good he knows,he has told you.
You are very innocent.One day the pandit talked about piousness and sin and you ran away saying:He is spoiling my mind.Now this man has said,’You are a soul,’ you are frightened beyond limit.These are the theories of people who haven’t much work to do.They keep themselves busy in this way.You are innocent, whatever you listen,gets into your mind.Be brave,you are daughter of a warrior king.You have to be brave.Tomorrow we are going for lion hunting.You should join me.You will feel delighted.
I could not give him any reply.But I got a lot of support from him. Father went away after sometime.
It was night .I just lay down and went to sleep.I used to hear about dreams but I had never experienced any myself.
Today was the first day I had a dream….
To be continued…