I know how to stand up literally. But metaphorically and as a philosophical question, I assure you I am clueless how to stand up for myself. I can sometimes if I get a chance but I don’t. I do not know when I would hurt somebody by standing-up for myself. I let things go. Always. I forget the experiences but never the lessons intended behind them. I have let go so many things in the past. Things which mattered to me. Not a biggie you’d think. Everybody has to let go of the things now and then but nobody wants to. I did. I still do. I might keep on doing it for do not know how long but I would I know. There are multiple times when I could not stand up for myself. Some over petty issues which I ignored and others were quite colossal which changed the changed of my life. I struggle to keep my inner self happy just to exhibit happiness on my chubby face. I struggle with guilt. Why? Because I cannot make myself happy. And even if I think of doing myself a favour, the latter thought destroys the former by shouting how everything would collapse in less than a minute if I tend to make myself happy.

Self-respect has gone to the dogs. And once it is gone, you feel bereft of things which are flooding with happiness but you yourself refuse to take your share of it. Self-respect is a concept when should forget after sometime. You know what I mean when you are going through or have gone through. It is easy trust me. There was a time when I all I cared was the happiness and self-respect. But these past few years has nothing but a thief who has stolen my peace, happiness and self-respect completely, not even an itsy-bitsy part is left. I wonder how it felt before. What was that peace like? How did it feel when you were appreciated for things that mattered for the greater good, even if taking someone’s blame just because they were having a bad day? How was the self-respect protected without even struggling? I have to deal with these issues on a daily-basis now. Every other moment shreds my peace or whatever is left of it.

Dealing with people has been a part of our lives since the day we were born. The funny part is we were judged in our infancy for being taller or shorter than a usual infant, for being dark or light-skinned, for being a under-weight and over-weight. With time, we tend to actually deal with other’s opinions, thus getting hurt or happy on a daily basis. Getting hurt and being ignored becomes a part of your life at some point in life especially for women. Men-they also get hurt but they have a knack of hiding it. But women-they get hurt, they endure, they understand that this is what their life would be. It is not just the family feuds but the society in general. Is any woman or a girl sure that she hadn’t got hurt since she entered her adulthood? Can anybody vouch that nobody would get hurt by their actions?

Dealing with difficult people can be as difficult as to instruct the milk not to boil all over the cooktop while you are doing multiple chores simultaneously. Just like boiling milk keeps you on your toes, so do the difficult people. It is like you can never relax while they are in your vicinity. Dealing with toxic people is catapulting with your devilishness when all you do is throwing the dirty waters out in the stream so that the your inner self remains clean but has ever the clean waters stayed aloof if bad waters are added. With immense energy, determination one has to keep oneself stranded from the manipulation, gas-lighting and hypocrisy but the question is will they ever stop? Will they ever get tired? Will they know that they are messing with somebody’s inner self and one who does is surely securing a place in the metaphorical hell on earth?

Staying strong in conviction is as hard as keeping clean waters aloof from bad waters but not an impossible task. The purity always emerges over the impurity. It might take time, but it will surely happen. I have the conviction I will never bow down to the hypocrites, to the soulless people who think manipulating me will break me. Well you have broken me inside out but God has the glue which keeps me going.

A constant struggle which I have to face is not putting up with the nonsense of others. I entertain the toxic people. I have to. I do not have the luxury to avoid them. But I tend to try keeping myself happy by doing things that I love. And that also is a matter of massive problem is an issue for them.

 

 

This article is written during the workshop organised by OSME WRITER’S CLUB.  We were given a few prompts to handle this article by ourselves.

Sharing the prompts here:

1. How do I know when to stand up for myself and when to let things go

2. The importance of self-respect and how it affects our lives

3. Dealing with difficult people and situations head on

4. Tips for staying strong in your convictions

5. Learning to love yourself enough to not put up with nonsense from others