I recently read this post on TweakIndia about how working with infidelity is not easy but possible.
Being a woman and having been cheated myself, I am writing about my take on cheating in marriage from a woman’s perspective. So no offence to the men out there, please 🙂
Two years back when I found about my partner cheating on me, I was 9 months pregnant and almost ready to deliver. I was shook and hurt, of course.
Reading Swamiji’s blog posts and other books helped me a lot till I delivered, because I did not have anybody to turn to. I did not want to disclose it to my in-laws and parents because what I had to share was too embarrassing.
My first reaction to this was turning to my partner with empathy and Swamiji’s kind words on empathy kept ringing in my head. I really wanted to understand why it happened? I really wanted to help my partner come over from what he had been doing in so many years and also because we were having a baby in a few weeks. My partner could not say anything. He was too ashamed. But I really could not force him any more. So I tried what Swamiji says — To forgive and let go.
Things went on, but I could not take it any longer. Finally, I opened up to my parents. I wanted to leave him. Like all Indian parents, they first felt sorry and supported me, but gradually, they started convincing me to mend things and return as they did not want the baby to “suffer” as I was not financially independent either.
It tears my heart apart as I share this or think about the plight of women who have to go through some abusive and toxic relationships, because they think that is the best for their kids or because they do not have financial independence. After reading tonnes of blog posts by Swamiji, and other authors on relationships and self-worth, etc., I have come to realise:
- One must really try their best to mend things in a broken relationship before they decide to pack their bags. If your partner is not genuinely sorry for their behaviour then it will show and then it becomes very difficult to carry on. You can forgive only those who seek forgiveness. But I strongly feel that if you are truly willing to turn the course of your life or are willing to make space for light to enter your life, then the Universe will definitely start helping you.”…and if you are truly willing to regard everything that happens to you on that journey as a clue, and if you accept everyone you meet along the way as a teacher, and if you are prepared — most of all — to face (and forgive) some
very difficult realities about yourself, then the truth will not be withheld from you” — Eat Pray Love
- By staying in an unhappy marriage which is deprived of love, trust and respect, I will surely help my kid stay away from awkward situations, where outsiders will ask about his dad, etc., but I could accidentally teach him that it is okay to be sad and devoid of joy as long as things appear okay to others or we look “normal” in society, it is okay to be disrespectful to your partner, or cheating being acceptable, and many other harmful things.
- Financial independence and Swamiji’s post on wealth (which was posted today), reminded me of my time when I realised the value of money when I had zero savings and my partner turned me down to support me and my child. Women must earn little or more irrespective of the money their husbands make. If they cannot earn then they must save separately.
- Most importantly, to take the final call, make sure that you listen to your inner calling. Stop discussing about it with your peers or parents especially. When your thoughts and actions are not aligned, you must stop and look inside and ask a series of “Whys” to yourself. The truth is what will set you free and give you the confidence to take the final decision.
I took almost two years to finally find my answer and decided to leave my partner. I am in a much happier and content place where I am at my creative best. I am looking after my child so much better (emotionally and physically) than before, I am making enough money… Well, more is always better though ;), and I can totally appreciate life now.
P.S: Can’t wait for my son to grow up so he can start attending Swamiji’s Meditation Camps.
Cheating in Marriage, photo credit: Pexels/Snapwire