Last week I was travelling by train. While sitting beside the window, I was looking at the railway track. I started observing it, and suddenly a flashback — this railway track has a deep connection with my life… how can I forget?

I was only one and a half years old when my father committed suicide on a railway track due to a business loss. I have no memory in my mind of my father. I was too young. My elder brother and sister used to tell me about him and that he was a loving father. How daddy used to carry my sister on his back and help her take a bath, he had a fair complexion. He used to bring toys, clothes and precious gifts for our mother.

They used to tell me I was a shy girl, and when he called me from upstairs by a nickname given by him, “RITURAJ”. I used to stand on the stairs, hesitant to face him. He arranged a doll’s marriage for my sister… I used to hear all these when I used to see toys brought by our daddy.

But I still have many questions in my mind that I wanted to ask my siblings, like when did they see daddy the last time? How did he look? What was their reaction when they heard this news that daddy would never come back… but I have never dared to ask them. I feel I will start crying while asking all these… I just wanted to leave these painful memories and vent them out.

I grew up without a father. My mother was a sober lady with a lot of patience. I can understand the importance of parents, especially fathers. We learnt many things from our mother and will always remain grateful for that, but I wanted to ask my daddy why he left us on the way just like that.  

If you brought us into this world, you should also have the courage to face it. Father is the backbone of the family. All my siblings and I lacked confidence because we were brought up in our maternal uncle’s house. Our cousins let us feel down from time to time.

Whenever I see any daughter with her father, I miss you. Daddy, why did you deprive me of uttering this beautiful word, Daddy? Maybe I have spoken it when I was a toddler, but I haven’t any memory of it.

Daddy, can you heal that pain? I still remember when my friends asked me about the reason of your death, I used to tell them it was an accident.

It was just a way to vent these painful emotions, and there is this beautiful family  to share.

Hope you all can understand the emotions of a daughter.