“I love you and can’t live without you…I would often whisper to my husband. But I was still living, laughing, crying, eating… doing all that had to be done to survive, even after his passing. Such is life. It never stops for anyone. It does make your world come to a stand still for a short while but you must keep surfing the waves or be thrown in the murky waters of depression and suffering.
My days, prior to my husband’s passing, always started with my daily prayers, and here I was hurt and angry with Bholey baba. I had only one question. Why me? Why? I stopped doing my puja and was always expressing my anger to baba. Such was my ignorance, I thought I will never ever talk to him again.
Relatives who came to offer their condolences didn’t help much. They would enter my room wailing with moist eyes but on being asked,wanted tea and snacks .What followed was endless minutes sometimes hours of gossip. Is this the reality of life? I would often wonder! There were however few who stood by me, consoled me and strengthened me and helped me overcome my loss. The world is not that bad after all…😊and I offer my heartfelt gratitude to these divine souls.
People came to visit for a few minutes but they would end up triggering thoughts and memories of the past…..there was no stopping .This train of my thoughts that ran on these endless tracks led nowhere. I lost track of time and would often spend hours engrossed in my thoughts. This carried on for a while. Little did I realise I had been making my loved ones suffer in my depression. I knew I needed to change tracks.
I was getting sucked into whirlpool of darkness and sufferings. I had to gather my inner strength and courage to live my life and nurture my kids and to carry out the divine responsibility that I was assigned. What I needed to do was to listen to my inner calling and not to the conditioned talks of the society. One day I decided that I was not going to mourn over his death anymore, instead I will work towards his dreams and make him proud of me. I mustered all my strength, got ready and went to my workplace. Soon my life started to flow again.
Life has to be lived with courage, love and surrender. We have to gather the strength to stand again after a fall and live each moment rather than living in the past or the future. Life is not all roses, it has it’s share of thorns too. We need to learn our lessons and move on. Face our fears. Listen to our inner calling and stand tall towards the light to leave the shadows of darkness behind us. Our happiness is truly in our own hands. No one can make us happy ……for happiness is a choice and not a result, which has to come from within.
Life is a journey, the more we flow with it, the happier we are. The moment we try to resist it, we suffer. I believe pain in life comes to teach us a lesson for a higher purpose. Instead of complaining, one should rather learn from it and move ahead.Life is a series of moments and a play of our minds. We react according to our perceiving and our conditionings. As we evolve, we learn to unlearn our conditioning.
Accept life as it comes with an open heart and live it gracefully!
Live. Love. Laugh. Give 😊
Ps.My gratitude to Rahul Om chaudhary for editing it .