Ever since I remember, I have always been a kind of religious, philosophical and serious type! In fact, when I was in the fourth standard or so, when my father asked me the reason why the color of the sky is blue, I replied that it was due to Bhagawan Vishnu’s color! The Amar-Chitra-Katha effect!! Interestingly, while I had strong religious inclination, at the same time, I was hugely skeptical and never believed that visiting a temple or a religious place could solve any problem of the material life. Still, any one wearing ochre robes would attract me instantly and immensely, and I never failed to offer my obeisance.
As I grew up, I developed keen interest in mathematics and physics. Perhaps in eight or nine standard, I decided that I would become a physicist, a scientist! At that time, I used to read lots of biographies of great scientists and great people. In particular, I was hugely influenced by a biography on Napoleon Bonaparte, written by an Assamese writer named Satyen Borkotoky. I loved Napoleon for his extraordinary will power and hard work. In short, for his Purushartha! That book inspired me so much that, while all kinds of troubles were going on in the family, nothing could weaken me mentally. I read the three-volume book numerous times. Whenever I felt down or weak, I just read my favourite pages to recharge me! I applied huge will power to overcome my limitations and worked real hard in my studies. I was a school topper and did very well in my studies. My family wanted me to become a doctor, but none could convince me to do medical or engineering, as I opted to do science and become a physicist! I kept on working towards my goals slowly. In this period, I did not think much about God or other religious matters. I had the simple believe that, if I do not work, God cannot help me!
Then came the year 1997! At that time, I was studying B.Sc. Physics (Honors) at Science College, Jorhat and was staying at the hostel. One day, while visiting my home, by sheer chance, I happen to watch a movie on Swami Vivekananda on the DD National. Actor Mithun Chakraborty played the role of Sri Ramakrishna Paramahansa. I was awestruck with the devotion displayed by Sri Ramakrishna and I felt an extraordinary pull towards Goddess Kali! Such was the attraction that, the immediate next thing I did was to buy a beautiful poster of Mother Kali! I pasted that poster in the wall of my hostel room. From that time onwards, whenever I went somewhere, particularly to distant places, I always carried that poster of Mother with me. I often talked to her mentally and put this extraordinary faith that She is going to protect me at any situation and circumstances. As time went on, She became an integral part of my life. In the meantime, I completed my graduation with flying colors and got admitted to IIT Delhi for the M.Sc. Program. in Physics. Till now, I did not get any opportunity to come into contact with any Guru or religious organization. But Delhi was different!
In 2000, I started attending the Bhagavad Gita classes conducted by Prof. Krishnan of Applied Mechanics in his campus quarter. He was a devout ISKON devotee and perhaps a trained teacher. A good number of brilliant students from various departments attended his classes. It was said that whoever go there they do extremely good in their studies. They become extremely focused and disciplined. They wake up very early in the morning and chant the Hare Krishna Mahamantra. But I went there mainly for the excellent prasadam! However, I continued for nearly six months only. I did not like some devotees enquiring if I am chanting regularly or not etc. whenever they met me. It appeared to be too much encroachment to my personal freedom! Moreover they appeared to be so rigid in many matters. On top of that, some of my classmates made fun of me when they got to know about my spiritual adventures! Today, when I look back, I must say that I really enjoyed those experiences. After this mission, in the next 4-5 years, I explored Art of Living, Reiki, teachings of Paramhansa Yogananda and even Bible! But nothing gave me mental peace. Everything appeared to be so artificial to me! Perhaps due to a permanent head damage (PhD!) and being educated from a so-called prestigious institute, it was very difficult to convince or appeal me!
After completion of my M.Sc. I did my Ph.D. in physics from IIT Delhi itself, as per my goal-plan. In 2007, after getting my Ph.D. I joined IIT Guwahati as a faculty in physics. My tension on the spiritual front was however increasing. Now, I was listening to Eckhart Tolle! This also did not last long. And then, I encountered Sadhguru Jaggi Vasudev on YouTube! I saw his YouTube videos like mad! I even read couple of his books and did the first level Isha-Kriya in online mode! I used to love his videos. They were full of wisdom and insights. But somehow I failed to connect with him. Perhaps, I liked him but did not love him! I felt that he is way beyond my reach. I was looking for something which I also did not know what. I wanted to get fully convinced before accepting someone as my Guru for this life and beyond! All this while, Mother Divine was always with me and She remained a constant factor in my life. Completely due to Her blessings and grace only, I was doing well at my profession. I am now literally a physicist, publishing research papers in good journals and guiding students for their PhDs! But I was not happy, not content- neither professionally nor spiritually!
My yearning and search for a Guru continued. I simply did not know how to go for it. And suddenly sometime late in 2013 or early 2014, I came across Swamiji’s blogs while looking for some spiritual wisdoms over Internet. I really liked the blogs-so fresh and full of truths! Simultaneously, I started listening to His YouTube videos as well. All His words and teachings made so much sense to me. Swamiji growed steadily and gradually on my mind. I must admit that I was still listening to other spiritual leaders as well. But after reading His autobiography, ‘If Truth Be Told: A monk’s memoir’, everything got changed! Moreover, His love towards Mother Divine touched my soul deeply. His ‘vow of truthfulness’ made me teary eyed, and convinced me beyond doubt that He is the one I was looking for! Since then, Mother Divine knows that there is not a single day when I do not remember or think about Swamiji. Soon, I got connected to Swamiji via the beautiful and amazing Black Lotus app and started practicing chanting and meditation regularly. My believe in Swamiji got strengthened further by the books, ‘Om Swami: As we know Him’ and ‘The Book of Faith”. In January 2019, just to see and meet Swamiji I went to attend the Bangalore Kundalini camp, though I did not complete 100 hours of meditation, which was a requirement to get benefit from the camp. I was trying real hard to get attention or a glance from Him. The group meeting was full of crowd! I got a little disappointed but not disheartened. In fact, I felt that people are giving too much stress to Swamiji! I was worried for Swamiji. Thanks to Black Lotus app, I was able to convey my feelings to Swamiji. In July 2019, I went to meet Swamiji at Sri Badrika Ashram and, I got initiated during the Guru Purnima event! I can’t ask for more in life! Mother Divine is so kind to me! I owe everything to Mother Divine!
Finally, I have found my Guru in Swamiji! There are a good number of changes in me after coming under Swamiji’s umbrella. I no longer get disturbed too frequently by anything adverse in life. Today, I no longer feel the need to listen to or explore any other spiritual masters. I have stopped doing double date long back! Everything is there in Swamiji’s books and teachings. I just need to follow His teachings and live life accordingly. With Mother Divine’s blessings and Swamiji’s grace I am now walking the path of spirituality and sadhana! I am far away from perfection and realization but know it very well that I have Swamiji and Mother Divine with me all the time!