This post is dedicated to all the writers whom I have read, and who all are reading this right now.
Many a times I feel that I am not able to put my feelings completely and aptly into words. Although, I motivate myself to write something (as swamiji has opened up this space for all of us) by reading the posts on this platform whenever I can.
It happened so that a few days back when Neelamji won the contest #writechoice by writing 78 posts within only 5 days. I tried putting myself in that place. #mychoice_1 post_till, to date, is not at all a bad idea. Thank you Neelamji, for motivating and pushing me to write something.
I am writing this to share, to relate, to express and to validate myself. I know that each and everyone’s journey is unique and different in its own way but even then, there is always a point to share, compare, relate and contemplate with the world around you.
It all started in 2016 (16/10/16) with the book ‘When All is Not Well’ in my hand, while I was going through a depressive phase of life. There are two landmarks in there, on which I am shedding some light on. First is when I visited ashram in September 2019, and second one is now, my ashram visit this Navaratri! (I am leaving for ashram today)
Back in 2016, when I was still going through the rough phase of my life, struggling with all sorts of situations, so much so that thoughts of leaving my home and settling somewhere in the ashram always came when I was not being able to cope up with or handle the bad situations. No doubt I had a deep longing to meet swamiji. I wanted to be in his divine feet for all I wanted were solutions to all my troubles of life, as fast as possible. I had a strong desire to meet him with a hope that he gives me a personal audience and heals me as he has healed sadhviji and many many bhakts. Yes, he did indeed heal me, but in his own unique ways. This has helped me to navigate through. Every time, I emerge with even stronger faith and belief.
Now, I can laugh at my ignorance during that time. I know that by his immense grace and love, that I have travelled the journey so far. I always got answers to my questions, one way or the other. Major upsets of my life started settling down, and gradually the longing started converting into an unstoppable affair. A divine love affair, I could say.
Now my life is flowing, out of a strong desire to surrender to my lord. No expectations, except only for one: Please take me into your sharan, if ever I deserve it. I am ready now, when will my wait end ? Now it’s such that while waiting I have learned to enjoy the wait. My patience and faith have reached a point that I know that my wait will end one day. And I can’t stop myself from feeling those divine moments. This is all my limited mind can grasp. Bas, aage swamiji jaane.
PS. Special Thanks to my son Nimit for always motivating me to write something and helping me to type and draft this post.