I read somewhere else (wish I remember the book) that we tend to pay attention to things that familiar to us. Or at least, if it’s within our surroundings. Because familiarity breeds attachment.

So, it’s natural for us to feel more emotional when things happened inside our circle.

Currently, I’ve got news about a fortunate and unfortunate event from my circles. One is from my husband’s colleague and one from my best friend.

The fortunate news comes from my husband’s colleague. He buys some amounts of cryptocurrency just last year, and now he becomes an overnight millionaire. While, I don’t trade crypto (well, I did in the past and made a small chunk, and I don’t anymore–just not my plate). In a way, this left me envious. We both know that this guy is a child of a vice president in another company, and he recruited in my husband company because of his father connection. We both know that he is already rich (well, his family), and this crypto craze made him richer. I admit I really am jealous and I don’t want to miss out on the bandwagon.

But then, my thought flips overnight. That’s when I heard unfortunate news from my best friend. My dearest friend for almost 10 years.

She caught a coronavirus. And all of her family. And the symptoms are not mild.

I shocked. This is one of my fear. Fear of losing her.

She is my dearest friend from my college. We are now living in separate towns but we often hang out when I visit my hometown and vice versa. Every time we hang out we talked like nothing has separated us. We also chat occasionally, and no hard feeling if one replied a day or a week after. We just have a special connection.

So, I can’t imagine if her condition is getting worse. I don’t want to lose her.

I feel so ashamed of myself because I envied my husband’s colleague of his fortune. My jealousy has nothing to do with my friend’s pain and illness. Oh, who am I to complain? After all, I have a stable life, now. No need to fear missing out on the hype, because I still have much to live. Why on earth do I want more? While on the other hand, my friend’s family is struggling where her sister and brother get laid off. His father got hospitalized and have a blood cough for several weeks. That’s really heartbreaking to hear. I can’t hold my tears when she called me a month ago, said that she is tired and mentally down. She cried. And I know I can’t cry back to her. Though, I stop for a few seconds occasionally to hold my tears and take some deep mindful breaths. This must be so hard for her! I am so speechless when heard more stories from her, that her sister got a heart attack due to the coronavirus complication. I need to be there for her and support her recovery.

Is life unfair? I don’t know. My friend would have said life is unfair if she knows that my husband’s colleague got rich instantly because she and her family are financially struggling right now. But for my husband’s colleague, life maybe not unfair. It’s fair for him. After all, he’s not doing anything harmful to anyone. For me? I obviously don’t know. I don’t want to judge. Because my view will be different if I were my friend of my husband’s colleague. And my view is different every time I face different circumstances. When I was having unfortunate events in my childhood, I thought that life is unfair. But now I am fortunate enough to have my ends meet, how can I think life is unfair again?

What surprising me, this is the first time I face a conflicting situation where one side is fortunate and one side is unfortunate, and I’m not in both of them. But I learn something from these circumstancrs.

That is, life just happens.

Everything just happens. Even it’s good or bad, it’s just happened. Whether it’s good or bad is just our perspective.

Though, there always a silver lining of everything.

Every circumstances is a lesson for us. To be grateful. To be mindful.

By becoming mindful, I am not jealous anymore of my husband’s colleague’s fortune. Because that doesn’t matter for me. No use to be envious to our friend fortune, because that will not brings us any fortune. If any, we will just feel bad of ourselves.

What matter is gratitude. I am grateful for my condition because I have much to stay alive. And as life will always change, my friend’s condition eventually change.

Currently, my friend already recovered. Finally! It took her 3 months to get recovered. I am so relieved that she has not left me from this world. All of her family also get better. She still needs a regular check-up, but thankfully it’s only a minor. We have planned to meet up together again. I am really grateful to her. This is what matters.

To still have a dearest friend on our side is the best thing we can have. The best thing in life doesn’t need money.

 

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Ria R

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