There was a time when darkness would take hold of me.
No matter what I did, where I went, with whom I spoke, this black hole I was in seemed to get deeper and deeper, like quicksand dragging me under and oh so fast!
There were days I didn’t even want to get out of bed, what was the point after all? I remember my mother more irritated than worried asking me,
“How much longer do you plan on doing nothing? Time to get up!”
No one could understand— and how would they— how I felt, because there were no words to explain it, expect for maybe dead inside. And how do you explain death?
During one of those dark days I forced myself to get out of the house. I was living in Milan, Italy at that time and one sad step after the other I dragged my feet to one of my favorite places, a bookshop. I have always loved the hope and smell of books, the pages turning, taking me to far away lands because anywhere was better than where I was.
And on that day my life as I knew it, changed. As I was leaning on the shelves for something to read, I stumbled upon the Vigyan Bhairavan Tantra in which Lord Shiva answers Parvati on questions about the meaning of life and above all how to reach God.
In it I read,
“God is omniscient, omnipotent and omnipresent. Believe firmly, “I have those same qualities as God” Then, one becomes God.”
Boom, that was it! An epiphany, a lightning inside my head. And my old, sad, depressed, meaningless life was gone. A bad dream disappeared. Just. Like. That.
My devotion to God has been guiding me since that day of so many years ago. It is with me every single step I take, in everything I do and is with me constantly, like a shadow or an angel. Praying is part of my daily routine and gratitude for all that unfolds in front of me is my reality.
I came to the Himalayas to deepen my personal journey and if you have never been I recommend you make it part of your bucket list because the Shakti —energy— is so palpable here, you can stretch your arm in any direction and touch the Goddess.
I am sharing with you one poem I wrote while my transformation was taking place after a meditation on Lord Shiva– He who destroys what no longer serves you. His constant blessings remind me that to change you have to step into the fire. Burning is part of it. What comes out of the ashes, though, is pure bliss.
Who destroy to create anew
Can you wipe her out?
A greasy stain removed,
Erase her from this earth.
Is it in your power to give her wings?
Sashay her to higher dimension,
Shake your matted long brown hair
And caress her tired bones with your holy tresses,
Envelope her in a warm embrace
A Kashmir blanket in a winter night?
You are the only one she trusts.
Thanks for reading ❤️