I’m not a writer. In fact, I’ve always struggled with writing those long answers during exams, when the rest of the class would be asking for extra sheets. I hope I’m able to put my point across 😉
This is purely an attempt to be useful to someone I know or I don’t know.
Swami Ji’s words from his post had been echoing since he introduced this platform and said, “Somewhere, in some corner of the world, your writing may have inspired someone…”. So this is my little attempt. Before I begin, I bow down to the lotus feet of my guru, Swami Ji.
Life had been very kind to me. I was blessed to have a family where there was a lot of love, care, fun, and laughter. My friends used to mention, how they wanted their parents to be like mine 🙂 But, the funny part was how oblivious I was to this realisation. I’m now much better at counting my blessings 🙂
I met the love of my life in 2004, and in 2011, we got married. It is then that we moved to London. Life was fun with small ups and downs, but nothing major.
Fast forward to 2017, we were blessed with a beautiful angel on January 17. Again, I had wanted to be a mum by 30, and here I was holding my little girl. We named her Anaira and fondly call her Ana.
Ana completed me in more ways than I could imagine. Going out for strolls with her, I felt I didn’t need any other company. I was dreaming of going on holidays with her, just mommy and her little unicorn.
The whole family was very excited about Anaira’s birth, to an extent that my cousins were calling to tell me how much they were looking forward to meeting her.
This thing just grew on me like mad.
I wanted to take Ana to India asap. Come May, she was 4 months old and I was ready to be on a 14-hour long flight to Lucknow from London. My husband was totally against it as he wasn’t sure if taking her to India in summers was a good idea.
In my head, I was thinking we’ve spent 25 years of life there and it wasn’t that bad. ‘I don’t want to act snooty — we’ll manage’. So on May 14, Ana and mommy were on the flight. As we entered the aircraft, Ana became very uncomfortable and I was trying my best to soothe her but with no success. She was crying badly and I was perplexed if I should get down from the plane, but I did not. As the flight took off, Ana slept in my arms, tired.
In 15 hours, we were home at my parents’ house. The first month was beautiful. On June 16, we were supposed to go to my in-laws who live about 100kms away. We were in the car at 8 am. There wasn’t any traffic on the highway and suddenly a big lorry came up, standing still.
Our fate changed.
The car crashed into the lorry and everyone survived, except Ana.
Yes, we lost her.
My worst fears had come true. Losing a loved one is difficult and when it is your baby, it breaks you. You drown in that helplessness and start to question life itself — what is this all about!
I questioned if there was any God?
If you’ve seen Swami Ji’s post where he talks about bhakti and quotes “saccha aastik ek baar jeevan mein naastik ki stage se guzarta hai.” That fits me well.
My husband never questioned or blamed me or anyone else. I doubt, if I were in his place — had he taken Ana against my will — I would be that forgiving.
He was shattered to pieces.
We came back to London on July 4th. I was still on my maternity leave so I had a lot of time to grieve, to read about life and death. But my husband didn’t have that luxury and was drowning with each passing day in Ana’s memories and the bitter reality.
Swami ji, as he has done to many of his devotees, ‘called us’. In my research about life, I chanced upon his YouTube channel and it all started to make sense. A question that crossed my mind a 100 times was: Humne kisi ka bura nahi kiya, to hamare sath aisa kyoin hua (When we have never hurt anyone, why did this happen to us)?
Check out his video on Ishwara Prapti here.
His videos gave me a lot of strength. In October, we were graced with his darshan. His answers were exactly what we were looking for and the healing began for my husband as well.
We are immensely blessed to have his grace upon us.
All I want to tell you is, if life has brought you in a fix — believe in God. He has a plan for you and if you are lucky enough to bask in Swami Ji’s grace and blessings, he will walk with you holding your hand at every step.
…And just how he says, Pain is inevitable, suffering is optional.
Sometimes there is no Option B, but to accept life as it is.
Accepting HIS will and believing in HIS plans — Surrender is the key.
With Swami ji’s blessings and our angel’s love, I got to know what bhakti is in it’s true sense. How divine this bond is between a bhakt and his bhagwan.
My final words: If you are going through a tough phase and want an ear to hear you, PLEASE SHOUT.
Love and light to all!