At three o’clock in the morning M. left his seat. He proceeded toward the Panchavati as Sri Ramakrishna had suggested. He did not care for the nahabat any more and resolved to stay in the hut in the Panchavati.

Suddenly he heard a distant sound, as if someone were wailing piteously, “Oh, where art Thou, Brother Madhusudana?” The light of the full moon streamed through the thick foliage of the Panchavati, and as he proceeded he saw at a distance one of the Master’s disciples sitting alone in the grove, crying helplessly, “Oh, where art Thou, Brother Madhusudana?”

Silently M. watched him.

Saturday, December 15, 1883

M. had been staying at Dakshineswar with Sri Ramakrishna. The Master was sitting in his room, listening to the life of Prahlada, which Ramlal was reading from the Bhaktamala. M. was sitting on the floor. Rakhal, Latu, and Harish were also in the room, and Hazra was on the verandah. While listening to the story of Prahlada’s love for God, Sri Ramakrishna went into an ecstatic mood.

Hiranyakasipu, the king of the demons and father of Prahlada, had put his son to endless torture to divert the boy’s mind from the love of God. But through divine grace all the king’s attempts to kill Prahlada were ineffective. At last God appeared, assuming the form of Nrisimha, the Man-lion, and killed Hiranyakasipu. The gods were frightened at the rage and roaring of the Man-lion and thought that the destruction of the world was imminent. They sent Prahlada to pacify the Deity. The boy sang a hymn to Him in words of love, and the Man-lion, moved by affection, licked Prahlada’s body.

Still in an ecstatic mood, the Master said, “Ah! Ah! What love for the devotee!” The Master went into deep samadhi. He sat there motionless. A tear-drop could be seen at the corner of each of his eyes.

The Master came down to the plane of the sense world and spoke to M., expressing his abhorrence for those who, while practising spiritual discipline, enjoyed sex-life.

MASTER: “Aren’t you ashamed of yourself? You have children, and still you enjoy intercourse with your wife. Don’t you hate yourself for thus leading an animal life? Don’t you hate yourself for dallying with a body which contains only blood, phlegm, filth, and excreta? He who contemplates the Lotus Feet of God looks on even the most beautiful woman as mere ash from the cremation ground. To enjoy a body which will not last and which consists of such impure ingredients as intestines, bile, flesh, and bone! Aren’t you ashamed of yourself?”

M. sat there silently, hanging his head in shame.

MASTER: “A man who has tasted even a drop of God’s ecstatic love looks on ‘woman and gold’ as most insignificant. He who has tasted syrup made from sugar candy regards a drink made from treacle as a mere trifle. One gradually obtains that love for God if one but prays to Him with a yearning heart and always chants His name and glories.”

The Master was in an ecstasy of love. He began to dance about the room and sing:

Who is singing Hari’s name upon the sacred Ganges’ bank?
Is it Nitai that has come, the giver of heavenly love? . . .

It was ten o’clock in the morning. Ramlal had finished the daily worship in the Kali temple. The Master went to the temple accompanied by M. Entering the shrine, the Master sat before the image. He offered a flower or two at the feet of the Divine Mother. Then he put a flower on his own head and began to meditate. He sang a song to the Divine Mother:

Thy name, I have heard, O Consort of Siva, is the destroyer of our fear,
And so on Thee I cast my burden: Save me! Save me, O kindly Mother! . . .

Sri Ramakrishna returned from the Kali temple and sat on the southeast verandah of his room. He ate some refreshments which had been offered at the temple, and the devotees also received a share.

Rakhal sat by the Master and read about Lord Erskine from Self-Help by Smiles.

MASTER (to M.): “What does the book say?”

M: “It says that Lord Erskine performed his duty without desiring any result for himself. Disinterested duty.”

MASTER: “That is very good. But the characteristic of a man of Perfect Knowledge is that he doesn’t keep a single book with him. He carries all his Knowledge on the tip of his tongue. There’s the instance of Sukadeva. Books — I mean the scriptures — contain a mixture of sand and sugar. The sadhu takes the sugar, leaving aside the sand. He takes only the essence.”

Vaishnavcharan, the musician, arrived and sang a few devotional songs.

M. spent the night in the nahabat.

Sunday, December 16, 1883

Sri Ramakrishna was seated with M. on the semicircular porch of his room at about ten o’clock in the morning. The fragrance of gardenias, jasmines, oleanders, roses, and other flowers filled the air. The Master was singing, looking at M:Thou must save me, sweetest Mother! Unto Thee I come for refuge,
Helpless as a bird imprisoned in a cage.
I have done unnumbered wrongs, and aimlessly I roam about,
Misled by maya’s spell, bereft of wisdom’s light,
Comfortless as a mother cow whose calf has wandered far away.

MASTER: “But why? Why should I live like a ‘bird imprisoned in a sage’? Fie! For shame!”

As the Master said these words he went into an ecstatic mood. His body became motionless and his mind stopped functioning; tears streamed down his cheeks. After a while he said, “O Mother, make me like Sita, completely forgetful of everything — body and limbs —, totally unconscious of hands, feet, and sense-organs — only the one thought in her mind, ‘Where is Rama?'”

Was the Master inspired by the ideal of Sita to teach M. the yearning that a devotee should feel for God? Sita’s very life was centred in Rama. Completely absorbed in the thought of Rama, Sita forgot even the body, which is so dear to all.

At four o’clock in the afternoon Mr. Mukherji, a relative of Prankrishna, arrived in the company of a brahmin well versed in the scriptures.

MUKHERJI: “I am very happy to meet you, sir.”

MASTER: “God dwells in all beings. He is the gold in all. In some places it is more clearly manifest than in others. God dwells in the worldly-minded, no doubt, but He is hidden there, like gold under deep layers of clay.”

MUKHERJI: “Sir, what is the difference between worldly and other-worldly things?”

MASTER: “While striving for the realization of God, the aspirant has to practise renunciation, applying the logic of ‘Neti, neti’ — ‘Not this, not this’. But after attaining the vision of God, he realizes that God alone has become all things.

“At one time Rama was overpowered by the spirit of renunciation. Dasaratha, worried at this, went to the sage Vasishtha and begged him to persuade Rama not to give up the world. The sage came to Rama and found him in a gloomy mood. The fire of intense renunciation had been raging in the Prince’s mind. Vasishtha said: ‘Rama, why should You renounce the world? Is the world outside God? Reason with me.’ Rama realized that the world had evolved from the Supreme Brahman. So He said nothing.

“Buttermilk is made from the same substance as butter. One who realizes this knows that butter goes with buttermilk and buttermilk with butter. After separating the butter with great effort — that is to say, after attaining Brahmajnana — you will realize that as long as butter exists, buttermilk also must exist. Wherever there is butter there must be buttermilk as well. As long as one feels that Brahman exists, one must also be aware that the universe, living beings, and the twenty-four cosmic principles exist as well.

“What Brahman is cannot be described in words. Everything has been polluted, like food that has touched the tongue — that is, everything has been described in words. But no one has been able to describe Brahman. It is therefore unpolluted. I said this to Vidyasagar and he was delighted.

“But the Knowledge of Brahman cannot be realized if the aspirant is worldly-minded even in the slightest degree. He succeeds in acquiring this Knowledge only when his mind is totally free from ‘woman and gold’. Parvati once said to Her father, ‘Father, seek the company of holy men if you want the Knowledge of Brahman.'”

Addressing Mr. Mukherji, Sri Ramakrishna said: “You are rich, and still you call on God. That is very good indeed. It is said in the Gita that those who fall from the path of yoga are born in their next birth as devotees of God in rich families.”

Mr. Mukherji. quoted the line from the Gita.

MASTER: “God, if He so desires, can keep a jnani in the world too. The world and all living beings have been created by His will. But He is self-willed.”

MUKHERJI (with a smile): “How can God have any will? Does He lack anything?”

MASTER (with a smile): “What’s wrong in that? Water is water whether it is still or in waves. The snake is a snake whether it is coiled up motionless or wriggles along. A man is the same man whether sitting still or engaged in action.

“How can you eliminate from the Reality the universe and its living beings? If you do that, It will lack Its full weight. You cannot find out the total weight of the bel-fruit if you eliminate the seeds and shell.

“Brahman is unattached. One finds good and bad smells in the air, but the air itself is untainted. Brahman and Sakti are identical. It is the Primordial Power that has become the world and all living beings.”

MUKHERJI: “Why does one deviate from the path of yoga?”

MASTER: “As the saying goes: ‘In my mother’s womb I was in a state of yoga; coming into the world, I have eaten its clay. The midwife has cut one shackle, the navel cord; but how shall I cut the shackle of maya?’

“Maya is nothing but ‘woman’ and ‘gold’. A man attains yoga when he has freed his mind from these two. The Self — the Supreme Self — is the magnet; the individual self is the needle. The individual self experiences the state of yoga when it is attracted by the Supreme Self to Itself. But the magnet cannot attract the needle if the needle is covered with clay; it can draw the needle only when the clay is removed. The clay of ‘woman’ and ‘gold’ must be removed.”

MUKHERJI: “How can one remove it?”

MASTER: “Weep for God with a longing heart. Tears shed for Him will wash away the clay. When you have thus freed yourself from impurity, you will be attracted by the magnet. Only then will you attain yoga.”

MUKHERJI: “Priceless words!”

MASTER: “If a man is able to weep for God, he will see Him. He will go into samadhi. Perfection in yoga is samadhi. A man achieves kumbhaka without any yogic exercise if he but weeps for God. The next stage is samadhi.

“There is another method — that of meditation. In the Sahasrara, Siva manifests Himself in a special manner. The aspirant should meditate on Him. The body is like a tray; the mind and buddhi are like water. The Sun of Satchidananda is reflected in this water. Meditating on the reflected sun, one sees the Real Sun through the grace of God.

“But the worldly man must constantly live in the company of holy men. It is necessary for all, even for sannyasis. But it is especially necessary for the householder. His disease has become chronic because he has to live constantly in the midst of ‘woman and gold’.”

MUKHERJI: “Yes, sir. The disease has indeed become chronic.”

MASTER: “Give God the power of attorney. Let Him do whatever He wants. Be like a kitten and cry to Him with a fervent heart. The mother cat puts the kitten wherever she wants to. The kitten doesn’t know anything. It is left sometimes on the bed and sometimes near the hearth.”

MUKHERJI: “It is good to read sacred books like the Gita.”

MASTER: “But what will you gain by mere reading? Some have heard of milk, some have seen it, and there are some, besides, who have drunk it. God can indeed be seen; what is more, one can talk to Him.

“The first stage is that of the beginner. He studies and hears. Second is the stage of the struggling aspirant. He prays to God, meditates on Him, and sings His name and glories. The third stage is that of the perfect soul. He has seen God, realized Him directly and immediately in his inner Consciousness. Last is the stage of the supremely perfect, like Chaitanya. Such a devotee establishes a definite relationship with God, looking on Him as his Son or Beloved.”

M., Rakhal, Jogin, Latu, and the other devotees were entranced by these words of divine realization.

Mr. Mukherji and his friend were taking leave of the Master. After saluting him, they stood up. The Master also stood up to show them courtesy.

MUKHERJI (smiling): “That you should stand up or sit down!”

MASTER (smiling): “But what’s the harm? Water is water whether it is placid or in waves. I am like a cast-off leaf in the wind. The wind blows that leaf wherever it lists. I am the machine and God is its Operator.”

Mr. Mukherji and his friend left the room. M. thought: “According to the Vedanta all is like a dream. Are all these — the ego, the universe, and the living beings — unreal then?”

M. had studied a little of the Vedanta. He also had read the German philosophers, such as Kant and Hegel, whose writings are only a faint echo of the Vedanta. But Sri Ramakrishna did not arrive at his conclusions by reasoning, as do ordinary scholars. It was the Divine Mother of the Universe who revealed the Truth to him. These were the thoughts that passed through M.’s mind.

A little later Sri Ramakrishna and M. were conversing on the porch west of the Master’s room. No one else was there. It was a late winter afternoon, and the sun had not yet gone below the horizon.

M: “Is the world unreal?”

MASTER: “Why should it be unreal? What you are asking is a matter for philosophical discussion.

“In the beginning, when a man reasons following the Vedantic method of ‘Not this, not this’, he realizes that Brahman is not the living beings, not the universe, not the twenty-four cosmic principles. All these things become like dreams to him. Then comes the affirmation of what has been denied, and he feels that God Himself has become the universe and all living beings.

“Suppose you are climbing to the roof by the stairs. As long as you are aware of the roof, you are also aware of the stairs. He who is aware of the high is also aware of the low. But after reaching the roof you realize that the stairs are made of the same materials — brick, lime, and brick-dust — as the roof.

“Further, I have given the illustration of the bel-fruit. Both changeability and unchangeability belong to one and the same Reality.

“The ego cannot be done away with. As long as ‘I-consciousness’ exists, living beings and the universe must also exist. After realizing God, one sees that it is He Himself who has become the universe and the living beings. But one cannot realize this by mere reasoning.

“Siva has two states of mind. First, the state of samadhi, when He is transfixed in the Great Yoga. He is then Atmarama, satisfied in the Self. Second, the state when He descends from samadhi and keeps a trace of ego. Then He dances about, chanting, ‘Rama, Rama!'”

Did the Master describe Siva to hint at his own state of mind?

It was evening. Sri Ramakrishna was meditating on the Divine Mother and chanting Her holy name. The devotees also went off to solitary places and meditated on their Chosen Ideals. Evening worship began at the temple garden in the shrines of Kali, Radha-Krishna, and Siva.

It was the second day of the dark fortnight of the moon. Soon the moon rose in the sky, bathing temples, trees, flowers, and the rippling surface of the Ganges in its light. The Master was sitting on the couch and M. on the floor. The conversation turned to the Vedanta.

MASTER (to M.): “Why should the universe be unreal? That is a speculation of the philosophers. After realizing God, one sees that it is God Himself who has become the universe and all living beings.

“The Divine Mother revealed to me in the Kali temple that it was She who had become everything. She showed me that everything was full of Consciousness. The Image was Consciousness, the altar was Consciousness, the water-vessels were Consciousness, the door-sill was Consciousness, the “marble floor was Consciousness — all was Consciousness.

I found everything inside the room soaked, as it were, in Bliss — the Bliss of Satchidananda. I saw a wicked man in front of the Kali temple; but in him also I saw the Power of the Divine Mother vibrating.

“That was why I fed a cat with the food that was to be offered to the Divine Mother. I clearly perceived that the Divine Mother Herself had become everything — even the cat. The manager of the temple garden wrote to Mathur Babu saving that I was feeding the cat with the offering intended for the Divine Mother. But Mathur Babu had insight into the state of my mind. He wrote back to the manager: ‘Let him do whatever he likes. You must not say anything to him.’

“After realizing God, one sees all this aright — that it is He who has become the universe, living beings, and the twenty four cosmic principles. But what remains when God completely effaces the ego cannot be described in words. As Ramprasad said in one of his songs, ‘Then alone will you know whether you are good or I am good!’ I get into even that state now and then.

“A man sees a thing in one way through reasoning and in an altogether different way when God Himself shows it to him.”

Monday, December 17, 1885

It was about eight o’clock in the morning. Sri Ramakrishna was in his room with M., when Dr. Madhu arrived and sat down beside the Master on the small couch. He was an elderly man and full of wit. He used to visit the Master when the latter felt indisposed.

MASTER: “The whole thing in a nutshell is that one must develop ecstatic love for Satchidananda. What kind of love? How should one love God? Gauri used to say that one must become like Sita to understand Rama; like Bhagavati, the Divine Mother, to understand Bhagavan, Siva. One must practise austerity, as Bhagavati did, in order to attain Siva. One must cultivate the attitude of Prakriti in order to realize Purusha — the attitude of a friend, a handmaid, or a mother.

“I saw Sita in a vision. I found that her entire mind was concentrated on Rama. She was totally indifferent to everything — her hands, her feet, her clothes, her jewels. It seemed that Rama had filled every bit of her life and she could not remain alive without Rama.”

M: “Yes, sir. She was mad with love for Rama.”

MASTER: “Mad! That’s the word. One must become mad with love in order to realize God. But that love is not possible if the mind dwells on ‘woman and gold’. Sex-life with a woman! What happiness is there in that? The realization of God gives ten million times more happiness. Gauri used to say that when a man attains ecstatic love of God all the pores of the skin, even the roots of the hair, become like so many sexual organs, and in every pore the aspirant enjoys the happiness of communion with the Atman.

“One must call on God with a longing heart. One must learn from the guru how God can be realized. Only if the guru himself has attained Perfect Knowledge can he show the way.

“A man gets rid of all desires when he has Perfect Knowledge. He becomes like a child five years old. Sages like Dattatreya and Jadabharata had the nature of a child.”

M: “One hears about them. But there were many others like them that the world doesn’t hear about.”

MASTER: “Yes. The jnani gets rid of all desire. If any is left, it does not hurt him. At the touch of the philosopher’s stone the sword is transformed into gold. Then that sword cannot do any killing. Just so, the jnani keeps only a semblance of anger and passion. They are anger and passion only in name and cannot injure him.”

M: “Yes, sir. The jnani goes beyond the three gunas, as you say. He is not under the control of any of the gunas — sattva, rajas, or tamas. All these three are so many robbers, as it were.”

MASTER: “Yes, one must assimilate that.”

M: “In this world there are perhaps not more than three or four men of Perfect Knowledge.”

MASTER: “Why do you say that? One sees many holy men and sannyasis in the monasteries of upper India.”

M: “Well, I too can become a sannyasi like one of those.”

The Master fixed his gaze on M. and said, “By renouncing everything?”

M: “What can a man achieve unless he gets rid of maya? What will a man gain by merely being a sannyasi, if he cannot subdue maya?”

Both remained silent a few minutes.

M: “Sir, what is the nature of the divine love transcending the three gunas?”

MASTER: “Attaining that love, the devotee sees everything full of Spirit and Consciousness. To him ‘Krishna is Consciousness, and His sacred Abode is also Consciousness’. The devotee, too, is Consciousness. Everything is Consciousness. Very few people attain such love.”

DR. MADHU: “The love transcending the three gunas means, in other words, that the devotee is not under the control of any of the gunas.”

MASTER (smiling): “Yes, that’s it. He becomes like a child five years old, not under the control of any of the gunas.”

The Master was resting after his noon meal. Mani Mallick arrived and saluted him. Sri Ramakrishna remained lying on the couch and said a word or two to Mani.

MANI: “I hear you visited Keshab Sen.”

MASTER: “Yes. How is he now?”

MANI: “He hasn’t recovered to any extent from his illness.”

MASTER: “I found him to be very rajasic. I had to wait a long time before I could see him.”

The Master sat up on the couch and continued his conversation with the devotees.

MASTER (to M.): “I became mad for Rama. I used to walk about carrying an image of Ramlala (A brass image of the Boy Rama.) given to me by a monk. I bathed it, fed it, and laid it down to sleep. I carried it wherever I went. I became mad for Ramlala.”