I don’t remember the exact date (or finer details) but I think it was in the last week of July 2016. A few days had passed after returning from Guru Purnima event in the ashram.
I was doing my evening meditation and this form arose in my mind’s eye. For meditation on any form you’ve to exert and be alert but this form remained there effortlessly for the stretch of several minutes (likely tens of minutes).
If I smiled it reciprocated with a smiled. If I felt teary, I saw tears in the eyes of the form.
It was a masculine form. Who was he? you would ask. I can’t tell. being almost blind I haven’t really seen Swamiji or various forms of the lord from my physical eyes. For the same reason I can’t really tell the detailed features of this form that just manifested. Just that it was quite bright.
The form perhaps never manifested again the way it did first time on its own. But our relationship has grown over these years. It manifests in the mind eye whenever I want to see or talk with it. It’s the form of my true friend, my original father – my lord Hari. He wears yellow robe because that’s what I want to see him wearing, he listens to my blabbering, my desires and I feel free to share with him the infinite wildest vikaras (impurities) I have.
Many a times I feel I could just go on glancing at him and I get a great joy in doing that. I don’t see there’s anything purer, more joyous, more worthwhile in this world than meditating upon his divine form. But you can’t renounce your karma until the right time comes.
Whenever I’m involved in a kirtan or bhajan I get into this meditative state in which my physical sight recedes and there’s darkness all-round and I call upon him or does he call me. All my songs are for him – this is what I strive for.
Is he just my imagination? Could very well be. But this world, including me is also his imagination. He’s the perfect dreamer and he has shared with me how he has dreamt this creation several times (more on that some other time) – but I, the most foolish one, continue to indulge in the material pursuits taking them for real.
Btw, he’s no longer alone there though. Ma has also arrived, clad in red, on his left. I think both are perfect, complete together.
Thanks Abhilash for helping with the post image.
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