I feel lost sometimes aisa lagta hai mein door ho rahi hun Swami ji se. May be I am not doing things sincerely isliye. I don’t like this feeling. Mujhe Shivji aur Guruji se door nahi hona hai.

This was a text message sent to me by a very sensitive, affectionate and sincere co devotee.

I often am a medium to many devotees who want to express their relationship, feelings, yearning, uneasiness, desperation and bhaav to Swami ji.

Since we all have our very personal and private relationship with Swamiji and keep talking, singing, dancing, loving, eating, complaining and fighting with him.Asking him question, showing him injustice as a little child would do to his Mom or a nursery teacher on how boisterous class mates mistreat him. But the answer or responses he gives are silent and to be felt by heart,the Cunning mind at times more than often plays the Villian.

I am not worthy enough,i lie,i feel jealous,i judge people,i manipulate relationships,i do back biting,at times i eat eggs,i sleep at midnight, i keep binge watching ott series,i m greedy for shoes clothes jewellery and branded phone,i Answer back my old parents,i still get attracted to people of opposite sex….How can Swamiji ever love me still? I don’t follow any ritual, chanting and don’t use Sadhna app and black lotus aswell!

These thoughts more than often plague our mind and all the Demons of guilt, shame and unworthiness have a Bhangra in poor Coconut (our head).

From past few months i m myself unable to see Swami ji s YouTube discourses,lack of patience u might say…they were the only part of my being since last 5 years. I barely watched a movie,drama or serial and felt guilty if i did anything other than him . Infact i saw his same vedios maybe more than 5  times . But past couple of an months have been different and my mind too keeps his ak 47 shots onn.

Yesterday while walking on a busy street i had a Satori( Japanese moment of sudden realisation).

If a Doctor has studied Mbbs for 5 years and got the degree..is it time to now practice and heal patient or still go to the medicine class room  which might have had finest professor, medical instruments or brilliant lessons?

Swami ji has taught us on meditation,sadhna,kindness ,truth and hard work..

Time for us to practice.

And for the question does he still love us?Since i m a mom and my kids often do things which are not in  agreement to me,they often come back and ask me Mummy do u still love me?

Yes yes yes,u may not be remembering me my kids but like a Guru a mom always loves her Kids always!

I hope this write up answered many affliction of Our untamed chattering mind.