Now it was Amore’s long-awaited turn, her turn to finally see the Master Specialist again. The Master welcomed her with his radiant smile, as radiant as the sun beams that lit up the surrounding, majestic, lush, green valleys and the Giri Ganga river whose whispering could be heard in the background.
“How are you Amore?” He enquired gently, still smiling.
Amore was tongue tied, she tried to figure out what to say. After a minute or so in His presence, unable to speak at first, Amore felt panic creep in, she had to say something! A few words slumped out of her trembling mouth, “Nothing worked, Master, nothing…” was all she managed to say as tears began to streak her face.
She saw the care and concern on the Master’s face.
The anguish built up in Amore until she could contain it no more. She looked down at the Master’s feet and in total despair and threw her body to the ground in front of them. “Nothing worked!” she exclaimed, weeping louder now with the all the grief and pain she held inside her. This was an SOS from the depths of her soul.
The Master remained still and tranquil. His silence was soothing. He was holding space for her, giving her permission to lean into her emotion, to cry and feel the full hurricane that was her pain without repressing it. It was as if he was allowing life to move through her, no control whatsoever, only softness for her to be witness to the uneasiness of her emotion, and without any judgment.
Five minutes of sobbing seemed like an eternity for Amore. She noticed that each time she was in the Master’s presence, time would literally stop. Amore experienced deep surrender to her grief and this gave her the ability to drop any pretense of defensiveness.
She wiped her tears. Was it surrender to the grief, the Master or both? SHE connected to a stillness for the very first time. She suddenly felt lighter than ever, as if a heavy sheath of pain had been shed from her body. She opened her eyes and smiled at the Master.
In that moment, Amore had a revelation: There’s a lot of terminology in the spiritual world, such as ‘emotional baggage’, and she felt that it aptly described the load of some emotions that are weighty in density. Amore had heard it said often that so and so had ‘emotional baggage’ and had been told herself often enough by her friends and loved ones to ‘drop her emotional baggage’.
But in this moment, in front of the Master Specialist, Amore realized that there was actually nothing to drop! For her, leaning into the emotion was the solution. By trying to simply drop it, she wasn’t actually addressing it. All the emotions Amore was feeling were a part of her experience. It was her soul contract that she had signed up for. Tests passed, lessons learned with the reward of gaining a higher level of awareness, right? She felt how holding space for herself was like a great pilgrimage home to her own soul. She saw herself with all her faults, without judgments and criticism.
Although the old programs of her childhood kept running through her body and mind, she now looked at herself with kindness and compassion, the same kindness and compassion that she felt flowing from the Master Specialist. She looked at herself now as a loving friend would, a someone who cared for her wouldn’t be so hard on her, as she was on herself, and Amore realized the transformative power of befriending her fear and inviting its cousins, perfectionism, criticism and putdowns in for a cup of tea by a cozy, warm fireplace.
“Back home, did you lean into the emotions, as you did now or did you drop them?” the Master Specialist asked. “Did you hear the message of the bugs? Was your heart on-line or was it off-line? Did you have any expectations when this was happening?”
“I observed them just as you told me,” replied Amore. “But, the pain was unbearable and I went shopping, ate lots of chocolate and spent hours at the spa! I get this was not a real game changer, Master. I felt better by giving myself some self-love, but the feel-good factor, didn’t last. I’m still a beggar of love, still dependent on others for my well-being, looking for external validation and support. I am crippled! And I don’t know where to find that so called ‘Love’ that the sages talk about. Is it a myth?”
“Going shopping and to the spa is ‘self-care’ not ‘self-love’, Amore.”
Amore paused to ponder this. She had placed all the burden on her mind and trying to escape from her emotions. The Master wanted her to stop using her mind and unlearn everything for the journey she was embarking upon. Just now, In His silence and her tears, He had taught her how to connect to her heart. She had to practice neutrality and unstick herself from duality, the etiquettes of ‘good and bad’, ‘likes and dislikes’.
In the modern, Western world, the heart is thought of as a pumping mechanism responsible for bringing blood to our organs. The heart’s intelligence has been ignored for a long time. This time, the Master Specialist inspired Amore to look at her heart completely anew. The heart knows our past, present and future, its intelligence does not care about our ego’s construct. The heart speaks from a neutral space.
He then gently placed his two finger points between her eye brows. “It is the seat of pure consciousness, knowledge and bliss,” He explained. “The heart is the seat of God in us. The Holy Mother and Holy Father reside in each one of us, or Shakti and Shiva, or the Divine Feminine and Divine Masculine.”
Amore actually felt her heart beat and breathing slow down. This calmed her body and nervous system. A deep sense of gratitude, compassion and love triggered her heart center. She felt butterflies in her gut, a warm sensation growing around her body and a tingling feeling at her forehead. For the first time, she heard her heart speaking and revealing one of its secrets, your heart is the key and the way. It will show you the path to true divinity.
Amore had heard lots of miraculous stories from people who visited this divine clinic and she knew she was experiencing something quite unique and phenomenal right now. She smiled at the master who reciprocated her smile and added:
“The love you seek does not exist in the world outside, the outside is an exact replica of the one in you. Your true nature is pure bliss and joy. Anger, jealousy, pain, negative emotions mean you are hurt somewhere, your wounds have not yet healed. A wound is a compressed area of your full expression. Your full expression is expansion. You need to move from victimhood to sovereignty, Amore.”
What does He mean by sovereignty? Amore thought to herself, she didn’t understand.
Oh! The bugs! The bugs! An ‘aha’ moment flashed through Amore’s mind. Each time the bugs would pinch her, she would say, “Stop it! I don’t like that, it hurts!” She was addicted to the feel-good factor constantly looking for a quick fix to alleviate her pain and was scraping the surface of her heart while dealing with her emotions. Who likes to suffer? Nobody, right? Our brain is wired not to enjoy suffering and tells us, “Oh my God, you are suffering, get out of this, go do something to fix this.” Amore had been labelling everything and had been running as fast as she could from the bugs.
The real practice was to sit and observe them in neutrality, allowing the bugs to have tea with her while she witnessed the drama, acknowledging their impermanence. These wasps were still her major concern even though she had a better understanding of how to handle them now.
Amore knew she had to build her inner strength and become emotionally self-reliant. Her emotional and financial stability were geared towards her husband. It was normal and not normal. He had his mission in life and she hardly had a stalwart daily routine, let alone a goal to work towards. Her husband kept telling her that he was not accountable for her happiness and she was responsible for it herself. As time passed, he became more aloof with her and more engrossed in his work; they shared less quality time. All this time, Amore was looking for solutions outwardly but her inward journey was about to begin.
Amore became filled with excitement as this new realization dawned on her, but it was a scary process to dive deep into the recesses of her heart. It looked like an endless dark well, unsure of finding water or not. No matter what, she was determined to put a stop to the malignant tumor that was growing inside her stomach and ready to meet ‘Love’. She was savoring the Masters most precious gift to her, the key to her heart.
The knock on the door was the signal that it was time for Amore to leave. She bowed in reverence and gratitude to the Master. She got up, turning towards Him once more at the door, uttering her goodbyes with folded hands. For the first time Amore felt a twinge of emotion to leave this place.
She was flying back home the next day. An eighteen-hour journey for a ten-minute appointment! Is this a rational ratio?
As she was leaving, the Master’s last words to her were, “Don’t be afraid when you sit in the fire, you will never get burnt. You sit with faith and love in your heart. Having faith in God or your Guru is the meaning of sovereignty.” Amore was convinced that the Master had read her mind! She hadn’t said it out loud. The Master Specialist knew everything about everybody inside out. He was like an MRI machine!
There was definitely something godly emanating from His being. Some people said He was Krishna Himself, some said He was Lord Buddha or Sri Ramakrishna Paramahansa born again… An avatar? Who was He? The only thing her heart knew as of today was that He was The Embodiment of Unconditional Love, she felt it, she knew it, and that was enough.
Amore’s journey of seeking the Divine in this world had just ended, but a new one was about to begin.
To be continued…
AMORE’S SUM UP
· She realizes that holding space soothes her
· Emotions are bugs and not her
· She needs to lean into her emotions, listen to their message and not drop them
· No labelling, no attachments to emotions
· Emotions are transient, they come and they go
· The heart is the key to self-love
· In her heart resides Shiva and Shakti
· Self-care is not self-love
· She has to move from victimhood to sovereignty
· Sitting in the fire with firm faith is surrendering to God