I had found a home
Delicately built with love, care and connection.
In a moment
It all fell apart.
I was forlorn
The doors had been closed
Without any indication.
Even before I could imagine,
My home was gone.
Homeless I stand
In the bare sun
With my charing heart
Crumbling into black sand
Trying to hold itself tight
With the threads of Your love
But only to be shredded further apart.
I know You are watching
Watching me cry
Watching me helpless
Gently nudging me forward
Invisibly taking my care
Keeping me safe in this strange land.
Are You watching me with a smile
Or do you feel the pain in my heart?
Enjoying the play until I snap?
What kind of Mother are You?
Watching Your wailing child in silence
Or is that almost an indifference?
Can’t you tell me a few words?
Is just feeding and protecting enough
When the flood of tears refuses to stop?
Agreed that I am selfish
With a dark impure heart
Yet I have worshipped you there
Feeling your eternal presence, no matter what.
Maybe I don’t deserve Your attention
You have much bigger matters of concern
And You know I will manage somehow
Crawling through this darkness till I go blind
The pain inflicted repeatedly to hurt me deeper and deeper
Until it penetrates every cell
Leaving no room for any other emotion.
While I struggle to keep alive my love, faith and devotion.
Was it my mistake to trust and to love?
Or maybe, I have no idea what true love is.
So, it was fair on Your part to snatch it all away from me
And leave me alone.
The reality that I am forced to accept
Is Your will after all
How else could anything ever happen?
If it is a test, I accept having failed
Burnt to the ground, my ashes lay scattered.
So heavy with pain
That even the roaring Ganges cannot wash them away.
I am sinking, sinking into an bottomless pit
Still hoping You will come and pull me out
Your lost child calling You in every breath
Knowing You are listening yet silent
Desperately waiting for You to show the path
Not in silent clues, but in words
My mind is in no state to understand Your hints
I beg of You to come and say something clearly in my dreams
Maybe I am asking for too much
But then except You, what other hope do I have?
If not for the Mother,
Who else does the child has?
P.S: I kindly request you all not to write any comments on this one as I have written this solely for Swamiji. Hope you understand and thank you all for your showering love