After long

I had found a home

Delicately built with love, care and connection.

In a moment

It all fell apart.

I was forlorn

The doors had been closed

Without any indication.

Even before I could imagine,

My home was gone.

Homeless I stand

In the bare sun

With my charing heart

Crumbling into black sand

Trying to hold itself tight

With the threads of Your love

But only to be shredded further apart.

I know You are watching

Watching me cry

Watching me helpless

Gently nudging me forward

Invisibly taking my care

Keeping me safe in this strange land.

Are You watching me with a smile

Or do you feel the pain in my heart?

Enjoying the play until I snap?

What kind of Mother are You?

Watching Your wailing child in silence

Or is that almost an indifference?

Can’t you tell me a few words?

Is just feeding and protecting enough

When the flood of tears refuses to stop?

Agreed that I am selfish

With a dark impure heart

Yet I have worshipped you there

Feeling your eternal presence, no matter what.

Maybe I don’t deserve Your attention

You have much bigger matters of concern

And You know I will manage somehow

Crawling through this darkness till I go blind

The pain inflicted repeatedly to hurt me deeper and deeper

Until it penetrates every cell

Leaving no room for any other emotion.

While I struggle to keep alive my love, faith and devotion.

Was it my mistake to trust and to love?

Or maybe, I have no idea what true love is.

So, it was fair on Your part to snatch it all away from me

And leave me alone.

The reality that I am forced to accept

Is Your will after all

How else could anything ever happen?

If it is a test, I accept having failed

Burnt to the ground, my ashes lay scattered.

So heavy with pain

That even the roaring Ganges cannot wash them away.

I am sinking, sinking into an bottomless pit

Still hoping You will come and pull me out

Your lost child calling You in every breath

Knowing You are listening yet silent

Desperately waiting for You to show the path

Not in silent clues, but in words

My mind is in no state to understand Your hints

I beg of You to come and say something clearly in my dreams

Maybe I am asking for too much

But then except You, what other hope do I have?

If not for the Mother,

Who else does the child has?

 

P.S: I kindly request you all not to write any comments on this one as I have written this solely for Swamiji. Hope you understand and thank you all for your showering love

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Kirtee Om

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