My physical body feels dense, heavy like a sack of coconuts dropped on the noisy streets of Bangalore.
It lacks sleep, closing my eyes and letting go. What is it that keeps me up at night? Is it the children? So far away, yet all cosy inside my heart. Is it the puppies that long to go outside, on the balcony, in the middle of the night, sit on their favorite chairs and rest under the sky? I can’t blame them for wanting to be with the stars: it is all so quiet in the mountains at two am, like in a fairy tale.
I feel my sore neck supported by heavy shoulders that would love to be touched, rubbed, and kissed. I hear the fire cracking in the not-so-distant furnace, and it sounds like a song sung to warm up the ageing physical parts of me. Life can be so beautiful.
It certainly feels different from those long-gone days in the Maldives, when the rays of the sun were spreading warmth. The water so clear I could drink it. What would it be like to bring myself back there again? I think about those moments while lying in bed, eyes wide open, hot water bottle warming up my feet. I remind myself these are just feelings, they only briefly last. It’s in the moment you are in that things happen, unfold, and leave a mould in your heart. We are here and then we are gone. In a flash. This is what I think about these days. So my question is, how do you live I mean truly live close to God and in the world of humans? This is what I long to know and the purpose of me writing this. Is it in nature? Is it in reclusion? Practising austerities? Is it immersing yourself in your dharma? By being of service to others?
I look at the crow outside my window, perched on the green tree branch. A monkey not too far away, staring at her. She (the crow) looks at me as if she carries the answers I want to know. Stay where you are, Elena. Follow the messages and intuition. Keep the practice going, soften your heart. Share what you know. Above all be you. Is it egotistical to think like this?
I read that Ma Durga’s abode is in the mountains and I can sense Her presence everywhere I look and walk and breathe: strong, maternal, all-encompassing. Her majesty can be felt in the forest, in the snow-capped mountains I can reach if I stretch my arm long enough. I never used to appreciate being close to nature. Being raised in the city and living in an apartment, I was more concerned about the decor of my room than the whispers of trees. I have changed. I have learned to be rather than doing. To lie down in the middle of uncut grass and let the fragrance of fresh flowers fill my nostrils. I look at the grandiosity of trees and ponder, how does it feel to never go anywhere? How does it feel to be so strong at the mercy of nature and humans? How does it feel not to be human? How does it feel to be one with all? Apart. And then a part of the magnificence of nature?
How lucky we are to be alive! To be a part of the miracle of life. To be able to experience ALL this. Do you ever think of this?
I’d like to end by sharing a poem from Danna Faulds. I hope it will fill your heart with warmth.
“Do not let the day slip through your fingers, but live it fully now, this breath, this moment, catapulting you into full awareness. Time is precious, minutes disappearing like water into sand unless you choose to pay attention. Since you do not know the number of your days, treat each as if it is your last.
Be that compassionate with yourself, that open and loving to others, that determined to give what is yours to give and to let in the energy and wonder of this world. Experience everything, writing, relating, eating, doing all the little necessary tasks of life as if for the first time…pushing nothing aside as unimportant. You have received these same reminders many times before, this time, take them into your soul. For if you choose to live this way, you will be rich beyond measure, grateful beyond words, and the day of your death will arrive with no regrets.”
Thanks for reading❤️
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