Please click here for part ten

There was a silence for a few seconds, after Shubs received her blessings from Om Swami ji. Now, for sure, it was my turn and I was still teary. I was having hard time putting myself together. Swami ji looked at me and gave me a box of tissues and said “Sona, you have to ask me that question, unless you ask me, I can’t answer you. You have come a long way, so now it’s a right time to ask me.”

I just nodded no; I couldn’t ask him anything. I was too emotional (at this point, I wasn’t sure why, and started getting annoyed at myself, because I do have bazillion questions to ask). Again, very firmly, he looked straight in my eyes said “Yes, you can, you have to ask me THE question”. After hearing that loving but firm tone, somehow, I gathered myself together, and with all my strength and mental power, in a very meek voice, with full of respect and love, I finally asked him one question!

I asked him THE question! It went something like this:

“I would like to see the Divine, be with the Divine. If you can help me, get there, I would like to be your disciple. Swami ji, I have accepted you as my guru in my heart, would you accept me as your disciple and show me the path to be with the Divine?”

(Well, this was the question popped up in my head that time, I am not certain, if I asked him in this particular manner and exact wording, I was barely aware, what was coming out of my mouth, but regardless, Swami ji understood.)

If I remember correctly, he said “See, it wasn’t that hard, was it? Sona, you know the answer to your question. I have already accepted you as my disciple, and you know that. Don’t you remember?” I just nodded no.

He continued, “But if you want, we can do the ritual of Diksha, in this life body form, again for you”.

I couldn’t grasp what he was talking about.

a) I was too emotional to comprehend the situation.

b) I was thinking, is he talking about the meditation in Dallas where I saw him putting his hand on my head? But then, I have seen him holding my hand, flying in the cosmos, showing me the galaxies and beyond the universe, few times as well. I have seen Divine ma sitting next to Swami ji, and me, just sitting at their feet happily. So, was it all real? Not just my imagination? It can’t be! Or, is it?

c) Or maybe he talking about the past life as he used the word “this life body form”? How would I remember my past life? I don’t remember, where I keep my car keys most of the times, past life is way far stretch. I am just an ignorant human. Why…why can’t I remember this?

d) Wait, forget about all that, is he saying he is ready to accept me as his disciple? And, did he say, he has already done this for me in the past? I always have been his disciple?

I started slowly weeping again. I didn’t know what to say. I was happy, thrilled but very disappointed at me (for not remembering) at the same time.

All I remember blabbering something like “Yes, I would like to do it again, but I don’t visit India often, may be once in 5 to 7 years. Plus, we are leaving tonight, heading to Pune. My father is not well, I have to take care of him. I don’t know when I will be back here again” …… This time I needed many more tissues and my Divine was ready with a full box.

Swami ji smiled again, this time he actually laughed, (I am sure he must be thinking, such an ignorant, silly and cry baby devotee he got. Yes, I agree, that whole situation must be little funny and silly, but for me it was not.) very kindly he said “Well, let me solve your problem, I don’t want you to cry anymore. Let me make it easy for you. I will give you Diksha, let’s do the formalities right now”.

Again, with an extreme ignorance, I said “Now? Now? right now? Can you do that?” I am thinking, what about the wait for year or two and the formalities of filling out the request form etc.

(Duh Sona! He is the OM SWAMI! You are in his ashram, and you are asking, if HE can do it? But as everyone knows, my words always rush before going through the thought process most of the times, I need to work on mindfulness!)

HE was calm, with a very soft smile HE said “Yes, I can do this now”. Politely, I just nodded “ok”.

I immediately asked him, if he can give me Sannyasa as well. I would like to live in ashram and leave everything behind.

He replied “NO! You are not ready for that now. Plus, you are going do bigger things in Dallas and outside, you need to be there. There will be a time, but not now”.

In my mind, I am thinking, there is nothing in Dallas for me, both my kids live out of Dallas, there is absolutely no reason for me to be there. But like a good disciple, I accepted his decision, no counter question out loud, but just few ifs and but’s in mind.

By this time, Swami Vidyananda ji opened the door as our 3 mins were over. Om Swami ji, so very politely asked Shubs to step outside and told Swami Vidyananda ji, that he will be giving me Diksha. Shubs accepted blessings, paid her obeisance to Swami ji’s feet and stepped outside with Swami Vidyananda ji.

Please click here for part twelve

PS: Most of the conversation with Swami ji, what I said and he said are from my current memory and are correct as I remember, but may be different words were used that time. But please note that the message is the same.

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