Please click here for part twenty-three

Body awareness gets less attention when you are at the Divine’s feet. But as we all know, our body is in our consciousness, along with our Sukshma and Karana Sharira. I ignored three of them, and they didn’t appreciate it. They decided to go on a strike. Since yesterday, I unknowingly started hanging out with someone, making me feel uncomfortable. I continued the conversation; I thought I needed to be open-minded, love, and accept everyone. It is my duty, my dharma, to be a kind, understanding person. My Karana Sharira didn’t care much, but my Sukshma Sharira was very disappointed in me. I ignored the warning, and so far, so well!

Especially today, I started feeling the pressure in my heart; I wanted to run away from that person and from that situation but was frozen at the spot. After 15–20 minutes or so, I had a chance to leave the area and ran to the dorm. I was in bed, trying to calm my mind (Sukshma Sharira), but my body and mind were restless. Suddenly, I developed a massive stomach ache; I curled up my legs and tried to keep myself calm. From nowhere, I had the urge to vomit! I ran to the bathroom. Along with my body fluids, my uncomfortable feelings, that heavy pressure in my chest, and negative thoughts started getting washed out. I felt a little better, and I was back in bed. But the pain was still there, accompanied by a massive headache. I drank some water and took a pill for my headache. Before I knew it, I was back in the bathroom, vomiting. This went on 3–4 times. Girls around me noticed that I was not feeling well. Everyone was getting ready for Yajna that evening. Ria Ji suggested I should visit the clinic. A few days back, she had a similar but not this severe situation. She tried to call Dr. Geeta Om Ji for me but had no luck. I thought it was getting late; the doctor must have already left for the Yajna. Ria Ji was not ready to leave me alone. I had to convince her to go for the Yajna and promised her I would get in touch with Dr. Geeta Ji. At the same time, very lovingly, Jayshree Om Ji gave me some namkeen to help settle my body fluids and a pack of electrolytes. So very gently, gorgeous Mrinalini Om Ji put her blessed Angara (ashes from her puja) on my forehead and gave me prasad as well. I don’t know any of these girls personally, but they were all trying to help me, praying for my better health.

Luckily, I got in touch with Dr. Geeta Om Ji, and she asked me to come to the clinic. It was almost getting close to 6 pm. Yajna starts at 6:30 pm sharp. So that you know, the latest you can arrive at Yajna Shala is by 6 pm. Despite that, Dr. Geeta Om Ji opened the clinic for me. She checked my health and started working on getting the medication. While she was busy, I had a chance to look around her clinic; this was my first visit here. Next to her desk at the back side was Guruji’s photo in the frame (no more than 4X6). Guruji looks so young in that picture. The photo showed just his face at an angle, smiling. He covered his head with his vast (robe) and pulled it down behind his left ear. I don’t think he does that anymore, or I haven’t seen him doing that. Everything was arranged neatly in the clinic, but my eyes were locked on Guruji’s picture.

Dr. Geeta Om Ji was very calm and collected. She didn’t show any rush in her action; she was not trying to get rid of me by giving me some medications so that she could be at the Yajna Shala on time. She was focused entirely on my well-being. She was asking me questions, checking every possible symptom. I was amazed at how graciously and kindly she was handling me. I was the most important person to her at that time. I developed immense respect for her and was glad that I got sick for a second. Otherwise, how else would I have obtained a chance to see her Tapasya devotion? She was the Divine ma to me at that time.

Basudev Ji was about to close the office too, but he saw me at the clinic, ran inside the office, and got me two water bottles. I told him not to worry about me and that he should rush to Yajna Shala, but he didn’t mind helping me. Everyone worried about me, and everyone tried to make me feel comfortable. I felt so blessed and fell short of words to express my gratitude.

I wanted to attend the Yajna, but I vomited every 15–20 minutes. At the Yajna, it was sure that I would run outside at least a few times. My body couldn’t control the urge. That would disturb the devotees, Yajneshwara, and my Guruji. Yajna has to go well; I couldn’t let my Divine ma down.

In the dorms, I was resting in my bed, weeping like a child. There was no one there; I was all alone. My body was weak; I had no strength to move. I was forced to be in bed. The wake-up call done by my Sukshma Sharira to take care of my body (Sthula Sharira) was well noted. Without a strong body, there is no path to enlightenment. On the other hand, no enlightenment unless you separate yourself from your body without ignoring it! Bhagwan Sri Hari Ji, what is this catch-22 you have created?

I realized my Divine ma came in many different forms today to help me improve. She was in Ria Ji, Jayashree Ji, Mrunalini Ji, Dr. Geeta Om Ji, Basudev Ji, and everyone around me. She was everywhere and in everyone. I was overwhelmed by the love and affection she showered me with.

Still, I was missing the Yajna and my Guruji in my beautiful duality world. I started chanting in my mind, and suddenly, I remembered I could watch live Yajna on my phone, as my WIFI signal was super strong here. Hallelujah!! The advanced technology and Guruji’s vision! I went on a site, got the link open, and…..and there he was, my Bhagwan, my Guruji performing the Yajna right in front of me. I could kiss and bow at his lotus feet. I could hold him so close to me. Today, I had the best seat at the Yajna.

Please click here for part twenty-five.