Please read part two here.
I wrote “What do I want” in my notes (sent it out in the universe):
1. Visit Om Swami
2. Receive Diksha from Om Swami
3. Om Swami is my Guru and he has accepted me
4. Focus on Meditation and Sadhana next two years……
And so on…
That time, I was not aware of what exactly Diksha or Sadhana stands for and why in the world I would like to have a diksha? Since I am living here in US, I was not looking for a Guru. I never searched for one. Ironically, I always made fun of people who followed any Guru. I use to feel sorry for people who believed in God. I was a firm believer that one with low self-confidence and self-esteem always look ways to surrender to some high power so they can play the blame game. (Or, maybe I was just hurt inside knowing my Krishna is not with me anymore?) If you are a confidant person, you don’t need a guru or God. Be brave, be confidant, there is no here for you Sona!
Three years ago, BC (Before Covid-19! 🙂 me and my niece were visiting Antigua (West Indies), we had a long discussion and a bit of an argument regarding GOD and his existence with our taxi driver. After dropping us off at our hotel, he was so upset, he said he will not give us a ride anymore, because we refused to believe in GOD! We were in big trouble, Antigua is a small island in the Caribbean, and we had another week to spend there with very few choices for taxis. But, my false pride in my brain was ready to walk for a week but wouldn’t accept God’s existence. I was Ok with it.
And now, for some unexplainable reason, I have become a spiritual person, desperate to meet the Divine and already accepting Om Swami ji as my Guru in my heart! All I wanted is to be with the Divine. What is happening to me? Did Swami ji’s videos and his book “If Truth be told” completely changed my world that fast? But I am not that kind of person who can fall for some teachings over a few videos online! I need to test myself; I need to test Swami ji. I have to be 100% sure.
I decided to give myself a year. I started meditating every day, I knew I will be ready to meet Om Swami ji next year but not now! I was all set with my plan and one year in my hand. I was feeling good. Next year, December 2022 I will visit India.
I did bit of a research about “diksha”. After reading many blogs of Om Swami ji’s devotees on os.me and his YouTube video on accepting a disciple, I realized it is going to be a long process. After first meeting, he will test me for a year or two to check my true devotion, my desire to meet and merge with the Divine etc. Then I can fill out the form to request the Diksha and eventually, I will get a chance in next 2-3 years to be his disciple. I like my plan! I had no rush.
My surrender towards Swami ji started growing slowly. To be honest, everything felt so natural and easy. There was no doubt or any question in my mind. I knew, this is what I need to do.
Simultaneously, I started studying Swami Vivekananda and Swami Sarvapriyananda’s lectures on YouTube. Advaita Vedanta was easy and familiar to me. One thing for sure, I was very clear about experiencing the Divine, to be with the Divine in the future. I don’t want anything else in life anymore.