I often get this feeling of ‘I’m not good enough.’ I have been struggling with this for quite some time actually. I do not really fit into the prescription of this society. I keep looking at ‘happy families’ and ‘great friendships’ and somewhere deep in my heart, I feel I lack these things in my life which keeps pulling me down. I am truly grateful to my parents, relatives, and people I know who still support me in the way I live. I sometimes do feel there is something amiss.

This week we had days off and I was constantly checking my Instagram and all I saw was people having a good time, traveling, and enjoying with their friends and relatives. While I felt happy in their happiness, a part of me went on a self pity party. It hurt when I realized I do not have a friend I can just call upon and plan an impromptu trip or, go on fancy dinners or outings with (I can’t afford such things as well). 

This is not a sob story of my life, Trust me, this has actually given me some hope. My intention is only to help people who may be going through a similar phase. 

Just now I had a discussion on this ‘I’m not good enough’ part of my thinking with a Guru and he gave me a whole new perspective, which I would like to share with all as I felt that it is extremely helpful. We would normally see this kind of thinking as a failure and something to run away from, but my Guru says this is actually good. For one it shows that I do not have an inflated ego. When you know you are too good at something, you have chances of becoming complacent or may develop a comfort zone. But when you feel you are not yet there you are more open to learning and are more adaptable to change. This does not mean that you should not be confident when you are good, but just goes to show that feeling that you are not good enough is also not bad too.

When I heard this it immediately lifted the guilt and shame that I felt about the way I felt about myself and my past. It immediately gave me hope to think more positively towards the future and work towards making myself a better person. It helped me strengthen my resolve. I do accept myself as I am and I will work towards becoming a good person as Swamiji always says.

Jordan Peterson says, “You are not everything you could be, and you know it.” For me, this simply means that we have scope in working towards becoming the best version of ourselves. I am grateful for the conversation I had this evening to understand this. It does not mean we lack something but just means that we have a lot more to achieve!

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Anushree Nagaraj

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