Who am I?
A failure? success or a mediocre? Who sets the bar for all these?
What is this life about? Just an infinite loop of earning/spending, adding/removing people from life?
The external world is always as volatile as a stock market. Running after social and family approvals, trying to fill up the brain with more knowledge about various things just to show it to the world in some way. Everything I have, starting from my name to my educational qualification is given/approved by external world.
On deep introspection, I have realized that the external world is an intoxication. Running after something, somewhere, someone. I read about Raktabija example that Swamiji gave in A Million Thoughts but knowing and realizing are totally apart.
Yet there are times when I get intoxicated with this world as I think I am still far off from lasting truth.
Now I understand what Swamiji means when he says (paraphrasing): “An Olympic Athlete level commitment is required to experience lasting truth.”
Flashes of sparks are fine but they don’t light up like a bonfire nor do they give lasting warmth.