Until very recently, I was totally unaware that my so-called confidence was nothing but my deep-rooted ignorance in disguise.
Today, after reading some personal life experiences of members, I also made up my mind to share my life’s one serious mistake related to parenthood. This would definitely give some insight to parents-to-be as well as others.
In 1990, I became a mom at 24, just after 15 months of marriage, with a mind too immature to handle such a big responsibility. In fact, I was totally unprepared, mentally as well as physically, and motherhood had come like an unwelcome guest to stay with me for good.
I was in a regular 9-to-5 job in a bank. Without any family support except from my husband, the responsibilities of the new role were in fact tiring.
I used to drag myself somehow trying to handle this along with my job, my internal spiritual and other conflicts, as also all the other social obligations which are a part and parcel of any young middle-class couple. My husband, on his part, tried to give his best as a father.
When my daughter grew up a bit, I told her she will remain our only child, just as Indira Gandhi was for Nehru. I knew that with a job it was impossible for me to gift her a sibling. She learnt my lesson by heart.
Today I feel that, perhaps, this had to happen like this only, that my Bank announced Voluntary Retirement Scheme and I opted for it. And, after a gap of 11.5 years, we planned a sibling for our daughter with very pure intentions, and the hope that she would love this gift.
Little did we realise that she was already enjoying her life fully, being a very bright, energetic, extrovert student with all leadership qualities. She was not expecting any sibling and was totally unprepared to share her space.
Because of her tender emotional side, she just could not handle this sudden change in life. It impacted her brain severely, like some earthquake or a big bang that leaves behind damage beyond repair.
Despite psychological counselling the damage grew bigger. Today, she is 30, an MBA graduate, yet on medication for the rest of her life. She is deprived of many rightful basic joys of life.
Our younger one also has been severely impacted as the family atmosphere got disturbed due to the elder one’s illness.
Our immaturity and ignorance was so high at that time that it didn’t occur to us that we needed to ask our daughter whether or not she wanted a sibling!
I totally forgot to prepare her, perhaps out of an overconfidence that nothing can ever go wrong.🤔 I am not sure though. My ignorant behaviour, which at that time used to be in the disguise of my overconfidence, gulped everything.
It’s only after many years, with some contemplation, and listening to Swamiji, that I have now awakened to the fact that our deep-rooted ignorance takes many different shapes, and impacts us very badly, sometimes totally ruining a life.
It’s the grace showered by the Guru in the form of wisdom which clears these dark clouds of ignorance and other vices. Today, although I am much aware and totally dedicated as a mom, leading a life full of gratitude and devotion, the pain keeps haunting me every now and then.
How can a mother breathe easy until her children are healthy, happy, and settled!
The points I am trying to put across are:
- Never ever enter parenthood unprepared or under any pressure
- Never take it for granted at any point of life that everything will keep on going smoothly
- If possible, prepare the kids for any small or big change in their or your life
Spiritual wisdom helped me untangle my knots and not remain stuck in the whirlpool of guilt and self-hatred. I hope the youth of today, who already are
well-informed and mature, will get some benefit from my sharing.
Jai shri hari🪔🪔🪔🪔