Thank you Manoj, I told him I was getting down from his car after almost a four hour drive, cool mountain breeze hit me, a fragrance enveloped me like never before, as I took few steps Tejas’s smiling personality was there to greet us in the office, the words Jai Sri Hari flowing from the heart, and there we were in heaven. I was home.
Obviously grounded during 2020, stepping into the gates of the Ashram was coming home. Recall the intro in “A million thoughts” “Home sweet Home“. To our utter surprise we were told to rush for dinner by 5.30 pm as Bhagwan will be coming for a discourse at 6.30 pm, Hearts pounding with excitement we rushed with our dinner, freshened up and were in the company of Sri Hari to see His form in person in seconds now! From stepping into the gates of heaven we were in His Divine presence in 90 minutes, rest as they say is His-story. We were in a master class and that to live!, the next 72 hours were spent in an indescribable state of bliss. I will struggle to capture that in words.
Coming to the title of this blog, Meeta and me were having breakfast in the dining hall. We met another devotee and we exchanged greetings, that devotee was with few more guests and he introduced me saying that harish is a CXO with so and so company. That made me think. Is my identity consequent to my professional status?, or was it that his guest was a noted Corporate Owner and hence my corporate identity was used as an introduction. Was it convey that top corporate honchos are here and so on? Why can not someone say hey this is harish a dear friend, then maybe I am not that dear as a friend to him 🙂 or maybe an introduction of just a friend from Bangalore (may not be dear 🙂 ). Or just that hey this is harish also a disciple of our Bhagwan Swamiji.
How do we get introduced or rather how do we want to be introduced is a question we should ask ourselves. Who we really are? If I am going somewhere with my son, he will obviously introduce me as his Dad, if I am with my wife she will say he is my husband, (preferably proudly 🙂 ) in our corporate Avatar we will present our visiting card giving our designation, the brand will carry more weight than our designation, and so on… I am beginning to feel like a label or more so like a chameleon! But who I am, honestly I did not know that myself until our Bhagwan choose to have me as His devotee.
I am still struggling by the way, but as we all say in our Guru’s presence we are getting there. The moot question is who am I and what am I doing here, As Bhagwan says that the first 25 years of your life is gone just to get some semblance of capability to earn a living, the next 35 years are gone just struggling to have a life, and that too if you are lucky, and the last (i don’t know how many) few years then we are worried about our health. Gone done and dusted! it’s all over friends and we are back to square or maybe few squares behind or ahead if you are lucky, but little will change.
So the question remains who am I and what am I doing here, there are always answers some from the head and some from the heart, but the only true voice is as Bhagwan says, that feeble little voice coming from your core telling you the truth but getting drowned in the din of proclamations, self affirmations and definitions. Let us all try to listen to that feeble little voice which gets encouraged when we are in the Divine presence, which gets strengthened as we start living as per His teachings and finally this voice can and will be the strongest and loudest if we do just one simple thing, surrender. Only when we surrender we will experience our true self, easier said than done though.
I must take that step of complete surrender to hear myself.
In Swamiji’s service